I held off on buying SN and benzos for days, weeks even hoping that things would get better (honestly they kind of did for a short bit). I kept making excuses and putting it off, telling myself
"I'll do it tomorrow,"
"if things don't get better soon, I'll order,"
"I'll wait for my therapy session and see if things get better."
I finally had enough and placed the order a few days ago and now I can't wait for the delivery. Despite feeling a bit suicidal at the moment, I've told myself that I don't have any active plans to ctb any time soon but I don't know how true that is, maybe it's just my brain trying to protect me.
It's only been a few days since placing the order and I've been restless enough to genuinely consider saying fuck the SN and changing my method to death by firearm. At least then, I don't need to wait for these slow ass mail couriers to bring my ticket out. I can drive to a gun shop, get what I need, and be done with it. I don't think I'd do it that way, but it's definitely been a thought in the back of my head recently.
"I'll do it tomorrow,"
"if things don't get better soon, I'll order,"
"I'll wait for my therapy session and see if things get better."
I finally had enough and placed the order a few days ago and now I can't wait for the delivery. Despite feeling a bit suicidal at the moment, I've told myself that I don't have any active plans to ctb any time soon but I don't know how true that is, maybe it's just my brain trying to protect me.
It's only been a few days since placing the order and I've been restless enough to genuinely consider saying fuck the SN and changing my method to death by firearm. At least then, I don't need to wait for these slow ass mail couriers to bring my ticket out. I can drive to a gun shop, get what I need, and be done with it. I don't think I'd do it that way, but it's definitely been a thought in the back of my head recently.
