Thank you Sanctioned Suicide for making me feel safe and loved

[FireFox]

Dear Sanctioned Suicide

Thank you so much for making me feel so loved and safe. When I reached out in the outside world people judged me but here nobody judged me. I am in now in a position now where I can not see it getting better anymore. I am in a hole in which I can't get out of.

My eating disorder is spiralling out of control. The NHS never got back to me about the referral the GP made. In January this year a gp made a referral for me to an eating disorder clinic. When I phoned the clinic 2 months later I was told they can't even tell me about how far I am on the waiting list or if I am even on the waiting list. They say I need to wait for them to contact me. I got hospitalised that same year it has been now 8 months since the referral was made and NO contact from the clinic. This illness had taken over my life completely. Living with anoxeria I feel like there is an evil doppelganger within me that stalks and terrorises.

My law career and any future academic career is over. My final assignments went poorly. I declared my ciation mistakes in one of my resit assignments to my professor and I think the university are going to investigate me for plagiarism. I am scared I am going to get email saying I committed academic misconduct for declaring my referencing mistakes. I am terrified I can't see myself graduating. Everyday I have nightmares that I have been called to plagiarism investigation or i have failed my resit. I need to pass this resit to graduate. My dissertation went terribly and lost passion for my topic.

Any record of plagiarism means a person may not be allowed to qualify as a lawyer in the UK. The solicitor regulation authority makes clear ALL plagiarism cases must be declared and they phone the law schools you attended.

My anxiety gives me nightmares everyday. I have nightmares my boyfriend is going to dump me tomorrow , I got kicked out of university for plagiarism, I have failed my degree and all these awful things.

I can't cope anymore I don't want is real or not. The nightmares feel so real everyday. I see no way but suicide.

Thank you Sanctioned Suicide for making feel so safe. This is the only where nobody judged me everywhere I went people judged me and ridiculed me including. The family member I trusted my former favourite auntie she was gossiping and telling my relatives I was crazy. She ie a qualified US Nurse. My relatives laughed along with her and gossiped too. I domt have friends really. I don't want to burden my boyfriend.

Now I am so far gone nothing can save me. I finally understand how human being can finally catch the bus, the mental torment becomes too much and death is relief for the pain

 

[R. A.]

i am sorry things are so bad for you that this place is one of few refuges, but i am glad you have felt safe here. the gutting of public healthcare is a crime
i pray there may be something good coming your way suddenly

 

[BradGuy123]

I'm sorry you're going through all this. What all is happening to you isn't right. The NHS should process your referral for the treatment you need. I'm happy you've found a community of support here.

 

[gottacheckout]

I really hope you are able to find what you need to keep going on. I remember what you were going through when you started dating. You stuck with it and it sounds like it has worked out.

 

[_Gollum_]

Glad to see the boyfriend is still in the picture, how are things going with him?

Spoiler: Open if you want my controversial 2 cents on ED treatment as someone who is currently doing relatively well in recovery from anorexia

On the ED front, professional treatment is honestly decades behind. I personally think most people would be better off recovering on their own. EDs are usually understood as psychological disorders, especially in professional treatment, but oftentimes they're actually better understood as biological disorders: starvation can be the cause of psychiatric symptoms, especially obsessive-compulsive behaviours, and many of these mental symptoms will abate once you're nutritionally rehabilitated and at the weight that your body wants you to be at, which may be far more than just the minimum BMI for "normal weight." If you are interested in recovering on your own, I would highly recommend Tabitha Farrar's YouTube channel and book Rehabilitate, Rewire, Recover. Do note that if you are severely underweight or have lost a lot of weight quickly, you should be followed by your GP before attempting to refeed on your own, as you might be at risk of refeeding syndrome.

 

[MatiSendiri]

Thank you for being here man. So sorry for your condition right now. Send hugs

 

[Forever Sleep]

I declared my ciation mistakes in one of my resit assignments to my professor and I think the university are going to investigate me for plagiarism.

I would have thought declaring a mistake was better than it being found out. How serious of a breach was it? Did you forget the quote marks, forget to cite who you were quoting or, try to pass off whole passages as your own?

I imagine plagiarism is going to become a greater problem with all universities with so many turning to AI now.

Have you had a proper chat with your tutors? To establish just how serious the breach is and, the consequences? Obviously, I don't know. Especially not in a law degree but, I find it hard to believe a small mistake could lead to such extreme measures. Different if it was outright cheating.

It's not that I'm trying to diminish how you feel but, it sounds as if you may be similar to me- in that you catastrophize. Which isn't always the best approach to life. It's easy to become overwhelmed if we convince ourselves the very worst outcome will happen. Sometimes I think it can help to take a step back- realise the things we were panicking about a few months back didn't happen. I believe you were worried about the fees back then. You were certain you'd never find a boyfriend. Things can change for the better, as well as the worse. Of course, it's still kind of predictable we will still worry though.

I'm sorry the NHS has been so useless. I had borderline binge eating disorder I would say for a while. Self help books helped a little with that. Have you tried any? Not to say they could replace professional help but, while you wait, it seems like they might be worth a try.

Do you feel like you know what mostly motivates the disorder? Was it triggered by concern for appearance? Do you feel guilt when you eat? Are you on cycles of starving, then gorging? Is it something you're really willing to fight or, is it a kind of coping mechanism you don't completely want to let go of?

Losing passion for your subject is really unfortunate. I can relate to that. Plus, how much harder it is to push ourselves to still do it, once the drive has gone.

I really hope the uni stuff is cleared up soon and you hear back from the NHS. I'm so sad really. I really hoped things would start to look brighter for you, getting a boyfriend, studying the course you wanted. Sadly though, life doesn't seem to quit throwing curved balls.

 

[Pluto]

 

[metfan647]

The NHS is in a dire situation and I'm sorry you're not getting a good level of care.

I will just give you a couple of practical options which might be worth trying (assuming you've not done so already).

Seeing your GP and communicating the point you've reached with your mental health and specifically that you're suicidal can expedite referral waiting times. This is tried and tested on my part. You will have to be assertive and determined but just mindful of how far you go to avoid them taking actions detrimental to your liberty.

Secondly, go private if you have the means. If you don't have the means, you might still be able to go private. Granted this is only my experience with physical issues. If you take out an insurance cover with one of the usual providers, you'll get a near enough instant consultation. Once you have your foot in the door, explain to the consultant that you really need help and you can't keep up with insurance payments and ask if they can have treatment arranged via the NHS. You might only have to part ways with one monthly payment then you can cancel the policy. Just do a lot of research to make sure you have correct cover for the initial consultation etc. Policies covering treatment for eating disorders would be pricier even more so if it's pre-existing. Always declare everything which they can independently discover through your GP.

I've had multiple procedures offered through the NHS via private consultations in Spire Hospital.