Venting Telling me someone irl who claims to be suicidal you're suicidal and want to ctb and they immediately try to stop you

[myattempt]

Something I wrote in my journal - yes it sounds insensitive i tend to write in a rush - and typed it up

(I don't usually type "venting" sort or posts on sasu since I prefer writing I find I get down my thoughts quicker than typing)


I never understood I thought people would attempt suicide because they want to die and now it keeps me wondering how it feels for your biggest concern to be how much and who's attention you'll gain from attempting. It kinda feels lonely actually wanting to die and never having wanted to live even for a moment. I'm tired of being policed by others pretending they understand or even relate to what it's like to want to kill yourself before you're old enough to be able to conceptualise death. There's so much effort spent on this facade Id rather have just hanged myself ( FSH ) instead of being worried about others seeing me in that state. Now I don't seem to see the point in presentation after death also including a suicide note where the initial audience isn't myself. I couldn't get myself to write a suicide note with the intention of others reading it as I have nothing to say that I haven't said. It's not as If I suddenly died randomly. It all feels slightly performative wanting to look at my dead body and feel as tho I didn't suffer and died peacefully with mutilated skin such a contradiction. So what I want to say is that anything I write is for me. Anything I do is for me.

 

[Charmander07]

Yeah, I wouldn't use suicide notes either personally because all it does it make people get more upset. Everyone I know, knows I'm suicidal, and surely by me being dead, that shows that I'm suicidal. Everyone knows I love everyone, even the people that hurt me. What else is there to even say, it feels like I'm doing more bad than good

I mean regarding people 'seeing you in that state', I think it does depend like for example I would never want to inflict seeing a dead body onto a child for example but I do understand where you come from.

Sorry if I kept talking abt myself too much, if you feel like you need someone to talk to, my DM's are open

 

[hurb]

Yeah, it feels like most people are larping and still very conflicted with themselves.
Like i just saw a post of a guy complaining that people should hide themselves in sheets when they kill themselves because its traumatizing.
Like i really dont think these people rly know what it feels like to be genuinely deeply suicidal, and never wanting to live a day in ur life feels like.
Personally the only reason im still here is because im just too exhausted to even try to find SN or learn to tie a noose, but my hand is getting forced very soon