Venting surgery got cancelled :(

[RealLostSoul]

last straw i have is this cosmetic reconstructive surgery but it got cancelled today due to covid hospital reasons, fml. i was so ready to finally be sawn apart in a week. i really was. i was waiting for about a year now, last time it got cancelled was in march due to unfortunate personal circumstances, this time I was soooo close though. yea I haven't finished my notes and stuff but I don't even care. i want to go with the flow, just do it and if I don't make it I am forever free. no one's gonna give a shit about me anyways.
i am so fed up with everything, now I gotta wait probably around 2 months+ which tbh I can't handle that well. i will be too lazy to commit suicide so it will be a long time full of suffering, just like the past years of my life. my point though is I really hate the waiting and lingering around. it sucks so much. i don't want to wait, I lose not only time but my sanity as well. nothing holds me back. i wanna go under anesthesia rn arrrgghhhh . . . guess my destiny is to forever "hang on" with this everlasting funeral mood. time to take some benzos and lay in bed.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds very frustrating, I'm sorry you have to go through this. Life is just so horrible. I wish you the best.

 

[RealLostSoul]

It's not easy to just wait. Everyday i struggle so massively. It's super painful to be conscious. I just want to rest forever. That is how much time i need to heal. It's never going to work im never going to make it. I don't want to live like this anymore