Discussion Suicide Notes | Should We Explain Why We Want To Die?

[gardenofaphrodite]

Title says it all, I'm unsure if there is another thread like this, but I've been debating on starting a suicide note. Is there even a reason to leave one? Would a video-note or written/typed note be better? Would it impact people too much (negatively)? Etc.

I just kinda want to discuss things about them, what should be added to one & things that should be kept out, or if it's even worth our time to leave one.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

The main reason is to try to explain to those you care about why you wanted to die and to say goodbye. If you don't leave any explanation then they will always wonder. Of course the only reason people write notes is because they can't have those types of conversations in person.

You might object that you won't be around to explain further and a note can't possibly fully convey your true experience (as is the case with emotions in general). Those are true but I think the experience of many people whose loved one kill themselves is that leaving a note is better than not leaving anything (provided you didn't have any in-person conversations).

 

[glitterypearls]

I watch a lot of true crime. I seen few cases where the person clearly decided to CTB but their family is set on it being a murder. then they go to the media to get attention so they can catch the "killer" their reasoning on why it's not suicide is because "they didn't leave a suicide note"

so because of that, I'll personally leave a note. just speak from the heart in it. you don't have to sugarcoat things or pick the right words you would be dead so for the final time say whatever comes to you and don't mind hurting their feelings if they deserve it.

 

[SpiderLink]

Title says it all, I'm unsure if there is another thread like this, but I've been debating on starting a suicide note. Is there even a reason to leave one? Would a video-note or written/typed note be better? Would it impact people too much (negatively)? Etc.

I just kinda want to discuss things about them, what should be added to one & things that should be kept out, or if it's even worth our time to leave one.

Personally I'll leave notes, because I want to ease my death as much as possible. I just hope they'll forgive me and understand in the end

 

[novem]

People who consider notes are those who are still in the bargaining phase and trying to explain it to themselves mostly, later comes the acceptance phase when you realise that it does not matter to others that much

 

[KrowaKovsky]

I'm definitely going to leave a note when I do eventually CTB. It'd be worth my time to tie up loose ends, all that, just so those who are close to me understand it genuinely isn't their fault.

I dunno, I just would feel bad if I didn't at least clarify why I wanted to go bad enough to CTB, but that's just me.

 

[FuneralGrey]

I'm too tired to try to find the source right now – I can take a look in the morning, maybe – but from what I understand, suicide notes don't actually help the people left behind all that much.

Personally, I don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation. It's my life, my body, my autonomy. I decided what was best and what I wanted, and that was it. Also, I do have a lengthy history of "mental illness" that the people around me know about – so I don't think I can say anything to add to their understanding of my choice.

At the end of the day, it's a personal choice, of course. But I personally don't feel the need to explain why, after decades of suffering, I have chosen to leave this planet.

 

[Little_Suzy]

Receiving farewell letters, in my view, would help people grieve and accept your ctb decision.

I can attest that losing a loved one to COVID was traumatic and impacted my daily functioning for six months. The severity of the grieving process caught me off guard, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Only those you intentionally fooled should get your goodbye. This is the act of telling a concerned friend or family member to "stop worrying about you" and refusing their help. They will mourn your passing and feel guilty that they couldn't do more to support you in life. Explain that you'll be eternally grateful for their support, but they can't change your mind. If you refuse their help, explain why.

This includes mental health team members. Explain to your therapists why you lied during therapy and purposely prevented them from helping you. You can tell them you wanted to try therapy to see if your feelings changed, but nobody, not even mental health treatment, could change your mind.

Pay everyone else dust who didn't support you and, in fact, contributed to your mental decline.

 

[DazaiKinnie]

Title says it all, I'm unsure if there is another thread like this, but I've been debating on starting a suicide note. Is there even a reason to leave one? Would a video-note or written/typed note be better? Would it impact people too much (negatively)? Etc.

I just kinda want to discuss things about them, what should be added to one & things that should be kept out, or if it's even worth our time to leave one.

The impact will be the same no matter what note you leave. I advise leaving one to explain why, but they won't really understand why would you want to die in the first place(at least most people). If you leave a note it can eithet bring mote closure or more harm depending on what you write in it.

 

[uniqueusername39]

if you have something to say, wouldn't it be better if you said it to them while you're alive?

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

if you have something to say, wouldn't it be better if you said it to them while you're alive?

In my case it wouldn't be a great option, what I have to say & to reveal the things I know would damage my parent's marriage beyond repair. Which is something I want, but not while I'm alive. I won't go into great detail but my family & my life in general has been made very complicated, & I have to keep things a secret from certain family, until it's the right time to say something. I feel like if I write it in a note, with phone numbers to witnesses/the people that directly were involved, it will be better than openly speaking to my family about my mom's massive lies.

Also other things that have caused reason for me to want to CTB, I just can't talk about to them, they won't fully grasp how I feel until I'm dead.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I would definitely want to leave a note. Notes left by people after natural deaths in my family have been a great source of comfort to me.

I would actually intend on leaving a few separate notes. An official hand written one to clarify it was a suicide with no one else involved. Plus- some disclaimers- Don't go after the seller of the SN- it wasn't sold to me with knowledge of my CTB. (It likely would be via that.) Not that it would make much difference now- KL already having been arrested. Also- that the police and crisis team didn't fail in their duties- they did try to 'help' but I refused the help.

I'd also want to write some sort of statement to say that I believed that it was my right to take my own life. That I believe I was of sound mind. That it wasn't a decision I made lightly- I had ideation for decades and I waited for my closest family members to die first- in order to reduce the impact it would have. I'd also want to apologise to the police etc. who had to deal with the removal of my body and clean up. I'd want to say that- given the option- I would have chosen assisted suicide at a clinic and saved them all that work and mess.

I'd likely send my notes to friends and family via a delayed email to my solicitor. I've heard that physical notes are sometimes kept by the police for 'evidence' and loved ones sometimes don't get to see them. I don't know how often this happens- it seems terribly cruel to me.

I suppose it just depends on people's reasons for wanting to CTB. If people have been especially wronged by those around them- I can see why they don't feel obliged to leave a note. If it's that severe, I can see why people would actually lay the blame on someone in a note. My very early suicidal thoughts were in direct response to an individual and way back then- I very well might have included that in a note. Now- my reasons are manifold. They are less to do with individuals now- so- rather than blame- my note would be more about apologizing for any upset my CTB caused and assuring people that there's nothing they could have done to help or stop me.

 

[charlotte_]

It's your choice really. If you want people to know, then go ahead. Say whatever you want in there, whether with good or bad intent. If you don't, then don't do it. Once you've died, no one can ask anything of you anyway. No consequences either. Personally I'd leave something short, not about my reason of dying but more about the cruel nature of this world that leads to the death of people, since I don't like making things about myself. But I'm sure other people have good reasons

 

[gap]

I originally thought about leaving a note book for my daughter. Over time, that energy is fading. Now I'm sick and I think in the end I don't care anymore to leave a note.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it's a personal decision whether to write a note or not, it just depends on the individual. But I guess that it could be better than leaving nothing for those left behind as a note could potentially mean that the people are less likely to be left with as many unanswered questions if there's some sort of explanation as to why the person left.

 

[xanga]

Title says it all, I'm unsure if there is another thread like this, but I've been debating on starting a suicide note. Is there even a reason to leave one? Would a video-note or written/typed note be better? Would it impact people too much (negatively)? Etc.

I just kinda want to discuss things about them, what should be added to one & things that should be kept out, or if it's even worth our time to leave one.

i mean , if you have people who still worries about you then yes, you should in my opinion or at least to that people , if people dosnt care about you, why you even care about them?

 

[purplebruises]

In all honesty I think it's your choice if you want to explain yourself and reasons or not but from a different view and from what I've seen of people who leave notes behind before doing it, their memory last longer in the heart of the people who loves them because the majority of the world (if not all of it) views suicide as a selfish thing to do but with an explanation even strangers might get a bit worked up and understanding of that choice although it doesn't matter but you are the winner in this case either way.

 

[TAW122]

Writing a note or explaining why one wishes to die is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer to it. People writing notes do so to explain their reasons and circumstances as well as give closure. Of course, the note could be just about anything a person wishes to convey, whether it is guilt, sorrow, truth, just about anything. Even then, ultimately it is up to the survivors to take what they will from the note, and the person who CTB'd would not be able to experience the aftermath (unless one failed their attempt and lived to see the aftermath - which imo is a fate even worse than death as that comes with potential permanent injury, disability, and all other social and personal ramifications from an CTB attempt).

 

[uniqueusername39]

In my case it wouldn't be a great option, what I have to say & to reveal the things I know would damage my parent's marriage beyond repair. Which is something I want, but not while I'm alive. I won't go into great detail but my family & my life in general has been made very complicated, & I have to keep things a secret from certain family, until it's the right time to say something. I feel like if I write it in a note, with phone numbers to witnesses/the people that directly were involved, it will be better than openly speaking to my family about my mom's massive lies.

Also other things that have caused reason for me to want to CTB, I just can't talk about to them, they won't fully grasp how I feel until I'm dead.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize there could be situations like that, where things are better said when you're dead.

 

[nothingbutmybest]

Should we write why we want to die? The short answer is that you should ask that to yourself because for me, I can't out of principle but there's others who would

 

[iamalreadydead]

No, people wouldn't get it anyways. At most just write something you'd think would give closure to people who'd care that you're dead. Like something to the effect of "sorry I'm leaving, love you, move on quickly please."

 

[thgilrats]

I've been leaving notes a lot. Mostly, these were the impulsive ones, so I mainly wrote about why did I do that, why did I feel the need to CTB. And I remember ending these notes with something like "I am a completely shitty person for doing this, I am very sorry", etc etc. So yeah. Basically explanation and apologizing, because those who love you will definitely feel lots and lots of pain for the loss. I think, if you live them too, you will agree with me that they have to know the reasons

 

[DeathSleep]

Personally, I don't intend to leave a note. People are going to believe what they want. People already proved they don't read my notes very well based on my coming out note. They didn't bother to understand me while I was alive. So, I don't expect them to get my death no matter what I say. I won't be around to worry about it and they will recover from it. I no longer care to be heard.

 

[Nights]

Personally i don't want to leave a suicide note, people won't understand even if i left a note besides i simply don't care nor i have friends or people in my real life that i care about them enough to leave them a suicide note, leaving a suicide note might corrupt your plans if people find out about your suicide note too early, it's a personal decision that belongs to you, it's completely up to you

 

[sht]

I've been thinking a lot about this. It's going to be useful for the people I leave behind? Do I even care? What could I possibly say that reliefs them? I mean, they would be losing someone that they care about or at least they pretend to. I tried to write different types of letters: trying to explain why, how did I feel, blaming someone... Didn't feel enough.
I don't know, honestly.

 

[DurkheimsCat]

I wrote a note with information about what to do with my stuff (where to donate if I am unable to do it myself), passwords/usernames for stuff, what to do with my remains (cremate and put in a plant or throw in the garbage, whatever) and the money I left for it. Don't have any family and don't want to financially burden anyone. Also including it was my decision to ctb. Not trying to explain too much because I'm not that interested in myself so why would anyone else be?

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

I've been leaving notes a lot. Mostly, these were the impulsive ones, so I mainly wrote about why did I do that, why did I feel the need to CTB. And I remember ending these notes with something like "I am a completely shitty person for doing this, I am very sorry", etc etc. So yeah. Basically explanation and apologizing, because those who love you will definitely feel lots and lots of pain for the loss. I think, if you live them too, you will agree with me that they have to know the reasons

See I've really thought about maybe opening up a google doc or even in my notes app, to start writing one. To 'give an explanation', but I always realize while writing that many of the people who would be effected by my death, should already know. Some know outright my outlook on life, my life, & my personal issue/mental illness etc. It should not be a surprise for them, & the ones that know from me reaching out, do not deserve a note, they chose not to help me (ie; my mother).

I want to leave a note to specific people, or designate paragraphs towards certain people- but I haven't decided if I want them as separate docs or all in one set of pages. I feel like at the end of the day it won't matter what beans I spill out into the world, because I'll be dead. There are certain things that not a single soul knows & then some things that only some people know- that if the other side finds out, divorce will inevitably happen, family will be ripped apart, & a whole slew of issues- all from me knowing, & spilling those beans. So on one hand I want the world to know how fucked up & complicated my life & family is, but on the other, I almost don't want to tell them anything- let them think, let them hurt- because certain people will deserve to be hurt.