Caribbean Sky
Arcanist
- Apr 15, 2024
- 402
Bit of a long post but not too bad
My heart is set on suicide.
I have a method prepped and everything.
illness among other things made getting ready take way too long, now it's longer because it just occurred to me I could/should book a hotel so I have more time to myself - undiscovered - so I can't be 'rescued'
it's a good plan and for most people I would assume it's thoughtless, for them it would take a week to get everything ready.
But not me. I won't go into my uniquely horrible situation right now, but it has been two months trying to get the money and resources to do this.
meanwhile, my situation where I'm 'living' the abuse has gotten too bad. I can actually feel myself splitting, developing DID a scary possibility.
I might not be able to wait anymore. For my own SAFETY and SANITY, I think I'll have to try suicide with the nine hours to myself.
I can't risk losing it and losing my chance to escape.
Besides my method should work this time. IV instead of IM, also a stronger 'poison' plus I do have a little more time.
I could also move to a good homeless shelter, their my mental health won't be challenged and I can work on booking a hotel, maybe even have resources but the big problem is how am I gonna hide my supplies for my method? so a homeless shelter is not an option unless someone has a better idea.
this post is sort of half venting/half asking for advice.
what do you guys think I should do? If I still try to book a hotel how can I protect my sanity?
(feel free to give advice; my heart is set on suicide and I'm not experiencing SI so you're not 'urging' me or anything)
The hotel is obviously the better option, but my sanity is at risk and I don't have the resources to go anywhere else temporarily or this wouldn't even be a discussion haha!
Like how can I protect my sanity? Is there a better pool of money I can access, quickly?
What if something goes wrong, imagine losing all my money that I worked hard to get to book a hotel. So I need a lot more than just $500.
I'm worried the time limit of being on vacation will affect me.
For heaven sake, I'm considering homelessness in a tent at this point. Go find some other forest in New Jersey, leave a note so that I'm not assumed a missing person and then do it there.
So so that is my half venting/half asking for advice post.
My heart is set on suicide.
I have a method prepped and everything.
illness among other things made getting ready take way too long, now it's longer because it just occurred to me I could/should book a hotel so I have more time to myself - undiscovered - so I can't be 'rescued'
it's a good plan and for most people I would assume it's thoughtless, for them it would take a week to get everything ready.
But not me. I won't go into my uniquely horrible situation right now, but it has been two months trying to get the money and resources to do this.
meanwhile, my situation where I'm 'living' the abuse has gotten too bad. I can actually feel myself splitting, developing DID a scary possibility.
I might not be able to wait anymore. For my own SAFETY and SANITY, I think I'll have to try suicide with the nine hours to myself.
I can't risk losing it and losing my chance to escape.
Besides my method should work this time. IV instead of IM, also a stronger 'poison' plus I do have a little more time.
I could also move to a good homeless shelter, their my mental health won't be challenged and I can work on booking a hotel, maybe even have resources but the big problem is how am I gonna hide my supplies for my method? so a homeless shelter is not an option unless someone has a better idea.
this post is sort of half venting/half asking for advice.
what do you guys think I should do? If I still try to book a hotel how can I protect my sanity?
(feel free to give advice; my heart is set on suicide and I'm not experiencing SI so you're not 'urging' me or anything)
The hotel is obviously the better option, but my sanity is at risk and I don't have the resources to go anywhere else temporarily or this wouldn't even be a discussion haha!
Like how can I protect my sanity? Is there a better pool of money I can access, quickly?
What if something goes wrong, imagine losing all my money that I worked hard to get to book a hotel. So I need a lot more than just $500.
I'm worried the time limit of being on vacation will affect me.
For heaven sake, I'm considering homelessness in a tent at this point. Go find some other forest in New Jersey, leave a note so that I'm not assumed a missing person and then do it there.
So so that is my half venting/half asking for advice post.
