Venting Suffering from limerence? and its killing me

[tinyhotot]

Feel free to respond as you please.

I don't know if its because of my mental health or what, but I'm obsessed with my friend. Bad. At first it was fine, but I'm certain he doesn't reciprocate my feelings at all, which is fine, but I'm panicking because my brain both wants to run but also make him stay with me. I'm scared he'll leave, the idea of him leaving makes my heart stop for a second.


Normally I would break contact but i cant. He's supposed to live with me. And he's my closest friend. I don't want to break contact.

I don't know if its reciprocal. I really doubt it is and no, I can't confess.

I think my mind is turning our platonic relationship to something romantic because of the things that are said. If I try to suggest we limit our living time together, its met with genuine (not angry, not aggressive) pushback. I think its feeding into my fear of abandonment. I hate being replaced or forgotten or left behind and he's someone who's finally saying he won't leave me. He also is someone who actually understands me. I'm rarely understood to my entirety, but he gets me. You know?

What am I supposed to do? Wait and see what happens? Maybe I'm overthinking things and this will all be fine, hell it may even work out and I'm panicking for no reason. I don't have anyone I can tell about this. If i needed to talk to anyone it would be him but obviously i cant do that. Has anyone experienced this before??

 

[tinyhotot]

I've decided to just accept my feelings and maybe its not limerece. Unrequited? Maybe. But then why would be bring up us getting rings together? And if its unrequited why act this way!? He is making me INSANE but more importantly acceptance is the key and i am accepting how i feel and we'll just see what happens. Maybe my limerence will turn to obsession and i die. That would be fine and dandy. Maybe it is reciprocated.

 

[bankai]

I'm sure it's not what you want to hear, but you have no control over anyone else. People are pretty fickle. They might leave you over the silliest thing. But they also have the right to do it because it's their life. But I understand your suffering and I'm sorry for that.

The most you can do is let him know and hope that your feelings are reciprocated. I hope it works out.

 

[gottacheckout]

I'm a divorced old man that lives with two cats and a dog, I got nothing for you.

However you sound a lot better tonight than you did Tuesday so that's an improvement.

 

[Withered]

Do not worry about labels. They constrict and hurt. All that matters is that you find in him sanctuary. A very important question to ask yourself is whether these feelings you have arise from him or from that which he offers you.

Best of luck.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sure I do suffer with limerence so, I do feel awful for you. I suppose I'm lucky in that I've never fallen for a best friend or, someone I had to live with. Work with though- yes- so, that was uncomfortable/ unfortunate.

Would you want to be in a relationship with them? It's difficult to judge really. The rings could be significant but then, even very good friends can decide to wear symbolic rings. I suppose the ideal would be to know for sure whether there was the possibility of a relationship but I can understand how that could make the friendship feel odd if there isn't.

I feel like I'm probably similar to you. Same obsessiveness, same fear of abandonment. My 'solution' has become to isolate but, it likely isn't the healthiest thing to do. I'm sorry though. My limerent phases- which lasted a good 13+ years were a very turbulent and unpleasant part of my life.

 

[tinyhotot]

I'm sure it's not what you want to hear, but you have no control over anyone else. People are pretty fickle. They might leave you over the silliest thing. But they also have the right to do it because it's their life. But I understand your suffering and I'm sorry for that.

The most you can do is let him know and hope that your feelings are reciprocated. I hope it works out.

I know, I don't think it'd be wrong if he did, but i know it would hurt. I'm gonna wait a bit longer and see if we do well living together and if we get closer...thanks for your understanding

I'm a divorced old man that lives with two cats and a dog, I got nothing for you.

However you sound a lot better tonight than you did Tuesday so that's an improvement.

Thanks, I'm feeling a bit better for now. I immersed myself in work

I'm sure I do suffer with limerence so, I do feel awful for you. I suppose I'm lucky in that I've never fallen for a best friend or, someone I had to live with. Work with though- yes- so, that was uncomfortable/ unfortunate.

Would you want to be in a relationship with them? It's difficult to judge really. The rings could be significant but then, even very good friends can decide to wear symbolic rings. I suppose the ideal would be to know for sure whether there was the possibility of a relationship but I can understand how that could make the friendship feel odd if there isn't.

I feel like I'm probably similar to you. Same obsessiveness, same fear of abandonment. My 'solution' has become to isolate but, it likely isn't the healthiest thing to do. I'm sorry though. My limerent phases- which lasted a good 13+ years were a very turbulent and unpleasant part of my life.

If we could be together it wouldn't be for some time, neither of us do long distance. I would normally isolate too but i trapped myself this time. We'll see i guess

 

[usernamesarehard]

I'm very sorry you're going through this. Only you would know if it's limerence or love, so I can't tell you whether you're right or wrong that it's limerence. If it is, then yeah, you're probably screwed. I dealt with limerence for a friend and my obsession destroyed the friendship. Thinking about it now I can see I never loved her I was just obsessed. The only thing that helped me was her cutting all communication. I still think about her sometimes, but it's not as intense.

 

[tinyhotot]

Adding to this thread because why not, he told me he has a date. No no my stomach doesn't hurt reading his text, no of course I wasn't inmediately winded and also full of jealousy. I was, im lying. But weirdly also calm about it. Yk like when your cat runs away and you panic but youre like "Its okay, the cat will come back"? Thats how I feel. It could be delusion.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Do not worry about labels. They constrict and hurt.

Amen to that. I don't remember every single little thing having a label, an identity group, etc etc etc, "back in the day". Of course, maybe it's always been this way and I'm just clueless, as usual. I understand it's helpful to a degree but it also tends constrict and hurt as you said. We're all just people with differences and similarities. Off topic now, sorry.

 

[Santana Idaho]

So, I've been slowly trying to make my way through Dorothy Tennov's "Love and Limerence." Dorothy Tennov coined the term, "limerence."

I'm usually someone to criticize the idea of clinging to an outdated definition that hinders modern communication. However, I deeply dislike the way it's used now. Because it has the same meaning, but with a negative connotation that's quickly become the "new" definition.

Dorothy coined the term to describe a deep, abiding infatuation. This is the part that has stayed the same. But she shares case studies in the book that show that limerence is only that. It does not mean that the love isn't real or that it's unhealthy. The situation is unhealthy only because this person is not in your life. That's the focus. Limerence can last an entire marriage. One couple were together for 20 years, and the husband never exited limerence.

Some people never experience this type of love. Some people transition out of it. Some people feel it for a long time. And some people (like the man above) never leave it.

It's just love.

It's how YOU love.

You'll feel it for the next person, and that doesn't mean it's wrong.

 

[tinyhotot]

So, I've been slowly trying to make my way through Dorothy Tennov's "Love and Limerence." Dorothy Tennov coined the term, "limerence."

I'm usually someone to criticize the idea of clinging to an outdated definition that hinders modern communication. However, I deeply dislike the way it's used now. Because it has the same meaning, but with a negative connotation that's quickly become the "new" definition.

Dorothy coined the term to describe a deep, abiding infatuation. This is the part that has stayed the same. But she shares case studies in the book that show that limerence is only that. It does not mean that the love isn't real or that it's unhealthy. The situation is unhealthy only because this person is not in your life. That's the focus. Limerence can last an entire marriage. One couple were together for 20 years, and the husband never exited limerence.

Some people never experience this type of love. Some people transition out of it. Some people feel it for a long time. And some people (like the man above) never leave it.

It's just love.

It's how YOU love.

You'll feel it for the next person, and that doesn't mean it's wrong.

That's super helpful actually...thank you

 

[Nobodi]

Feel free to respond as you please.

I don't know if its because of my mental health or what, but I'm obsessed with my friend. Bad. At first it was fine, but I'm certain he doesn't reciprocate my feelings at all, which is fine, but I'm panicking because my brain both wants to run but also make him stay with me. I'm scared he'll leave, the idea of him leaving makes my heart stop for a second.


Normally I would break contact but i cant. He's supposed to live with me. And he's my closest friend. I don't want to break contact.

I don't know if its reciprocal. I really doubt it is and no, I can't confess.

I think my mind is turning our platonic relationship to something romantic because of the things that are said. If I try to suggest we limit our living time together, its met with genuine (not angry, not aggressive) pushback. I think its feeding into my fear of abandonment. I hate being replaced or forgotten or left behind and he's someone who's finally saying he won't leave me. He also is someone who actually understands me. I'm rarely understood to my entirety, but he gets me. You know?

What am I supposed to do? Wait and see what happens? Maybe I'm overthinking things and this will all be fine, hell it may even work out and I'm panicking for no reason. I don't have anyone I can tell about this. If i needed to talk to anyone it would be him but obviously i cant do that. Has anyone experienced this before??

Limerence caused me to dropped out of college due to love bombing from some chick there that was already in a relationship. That limerence can caused a huge disturbance in one's life losing years just wondering what if until one finally wakes up and realizes it may have been all manipulation. Sorry just projecting here

 

[theboy]

Distract yourself

Try to keep your mind busy:)

 

[tinyhotot]

Feel free to respond as you please.

I don't know if its because of my mental health or what, but I'm obsessed with my friend. Bad. At first it was fine, but I'm certain he doesn't reciprocate my feelings at all, which is fine, but I'm panicking because my brain both wants to run but also make him stay with me. I'm scared he'll leave, the idea of him leaving makes my heart stop for a second.


Normally I would break contact but i cant. He's supposed to live with me. And he's my closest friend. I don't want to break contact.

I don't know if its reciprocal. I really doubt it is and no, I can't confess.

I think my mind is turning our platonic relationship to something romantic because of the things that are said. If I try to suggest we limit our living time together, its met with genuine (not angry, not aggressive) pushback. I think its feeding into my fear of abandonment. I hate being replaced or forgotten or left behind and he's someone who's finally saying he won't leave me. He also is someone who actually understands me. I'm rarely understood to my entirety, but he gets me. You know?

What am I supposed to do? Wait and see what happens? Maybe I'm overthinking things and this will all be fine, hell it may even work out and I'm panicking for no reason. I don't have anyone I can tell about this. If i needed to talk to anyone it would be him but obviously i cant do that. Has anyone experienced this before??

Small update, I am much better and no longer in that frantic state lol, i'm gonna do a lot of self reflection....that comment about limerence just being love really readjusted my own perspective on myself...and my way of feeling...i think it is just love, and maybe that love is so intense and fearful because i'm scared of losing the person its directed toward. You know? Anyway...time for some self reflection

 

[Withered]

Small update, I am much better and no longer in that frantic state lol, i'm gonna do a lot of self reflection....that comment about limerence just being love really readjusted my own perspective on myself...and my way of feeling...i think it is just love, and maybe that love is so intense and fearful because i'm scared of losing the person its directed toward. You know? Anyway...time for some self reflection

This is awesome. Like I said above, labels hurt. Glad to see they have lost their grip on you.