I'm planning on ctb this weekend. I already started the 2-day regime for SN a few days ago, but due to meeting with police yesterday I didn't follow through.
I'll restart regime tomorrow. It feels like at the moment I can't do anything right and pissing people off, especially my mental health team. Worker came with me again yesterday to the police station to have a video interview, which surprisingly went okay. After interview, I was stood outside with worker, who asked me for the mobile number of the man I reported to police the first time last week (I've mentioned the situation in a previous post)
The police need his number so they can locate him. I didn't provide this info to the police yesterday when they again asked for it and other info I have on him which would make it easier for them to find him. I have my reasons why I'm apprehensive providing this info. It seems straight forward to everyone else but it isn't, trust me. I can't even share it on here because I'm that ashamed and scared.
I gave the mental health worker a number for him but later realised that I had given her the telephone number for another person I know by the same name. I contacted worker and told her of this and was intended to give her the right number for again fear, shame and the 'voices' kicked in.
I'm done. I can't do anything right. I would do it now but I'm not prepared and I don't want to rush it and make a mistake and fail. I don't want it to be an attempt but a success.
I was going to do it in a hotel but I want to be in a comfortable setting. It's the right thing to do. Long time coming. I suppose I just needed a push over the edge. My heart is breaking for my family for what I am about to do but my heart breaks being alive, being a burden. I wish I could say goodbye in some way to them but I'll just leave the house and say 'see you later', when I know I'm not coming back ever.
I'm sorry mum for the pain you will feel. I tried, I really did.
I'll restart regime tomorrow. It feels like at the moment I can't do anything right and pissing people off, especially my mental health team. Worker came with me again yesterday to the police station to have a video interview, which surprisingly went okay. After interview, I was stood outside with worker, who asked me for the mobile number of the man I reported to police the first time last week (I've mentioned the situation in a previous post)
The police need his number so they can locate him. I didn't provide this info to the police yesterday when they again asked for it and other info I have on him which would make it easier for them to find him. I have my reasons why I'm apprehensive providing this info. It seems straight forward to everyone else but it isn't, trust me. I can't even share it on here because I'm that ashamed and scared.
I gave the mental health worker a number for him but later realised that I had given her the telephone number for another person I know by the same name. I contacted worker and told her of this and was intended to give her the right number for again fear, shame and the 'voices' kicked in.
I'm done. I can't do anything right. I would do it now but I'm not prepared and I don't want to rush it and make a mistake and fail. I don't want it to be an attempt but a success.
I was going to do it in a hotel but I want to be in a comfortable setting. It's the right thing to do. Long time coming. I suppose I just needed a push over the edge. My heart is breaking for my family for what I am about to do but my heart breaks being alive, being a burden. I wish I could say goodbye in some way to them but I'll just leave the house and say 'see you later', when I know I'm not coming back ever.
I'm sorry mum for the pain you will feel. I tried, I really did.
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