Story Something changed, I don’t know what

[Non_suicidal]

I used to want to commit so badly, but around 3-4 days ago, I just didn't. When I woke up, everything seemed normal, I didn't even realize I didn't want to die, but the day after, I realized I didn't feel suicidal. I know this should go on the recovery discussion, but I want to reach the right audience when I say this, something will change, it might not be soon, but even if it feels like you're too far gone, or just won't stop, it will, eventually. I still don't know what changed, but I'm better, no therapy, no medicine, but I'm better. I'm trying to not fall back into depression, but I'm feeling better than before. Also, this sort of thing won't happen to everyone, I just got very lucky and I hope you do too, I'm not here to say you have to keep going, I'm telling my small story, this isn't me trying to persuade or argue a point, this is simply my experience.

 

[Amygdalatropolis]

This gave me some hope. I appreciate the post.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I used to want to commit so badly, but around 3-4 days ago, I just didn't. When I woke up, everything seemed normal, I didn't even realize I didn't want to die, but the day after, I realized I didn't feel suicidal. I know this should go on the recovery discussion, but I want to reach the right audience when I say this, something will change, it might not be soon, but even if it feels like you're too far gone, or just won't stop, it will, eventually. I still don't know what changed, but I'm better, no therapy, no medicine, but I'm better.

Why would you assume that something will change for everyone else, just because it changed for you though? We're not you.

This is the classic way of thinking we get from pro-lifers. They hear a story of someone's life that turned around, and so they tell us that ctb is never the answer because "things will get better"... even though for many of us that day never comes.

I agree with you, this should be in the recovery section.

 

[Non_suicidal]

Why would you assume that something will change for everyone else, just because it changed for you though? We're not you.

This is the classic way of thinking we get from pro-lifers. They hear a story of someone's life that turned around, and so they tell us that ctb is never the answer because "things will get better"... even though for many of us that day never comes.

I agree with you, this should be in the recovery section.

True, it might not happen for everyone, including you, but I'm trying to reach the small amount of people that it will happen to. Also, pro-lifers are the worst.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

Things change, but that doesn't mean they do always in a favorable way, and it doesn't come from nothing, like magic or miracles. When we notice a significant change in our situation, is the result of the accumulation of small changes over time that have flight under the radar. Also, changes for the better usually require active effort in our behalf. My point being that, although I acknowledge your good intentions, the message is misleading and simplistic, and suits better in Recovery indeed. There are people here fed up with this kind of stuff, myself included.

 

[whatisaholemadeof]

I felt similarly some months ago(July - September). Better, didn't need therapy/meds, was incredibly outgoing(more than usual), my confidence shot up, my social anxiety was almost nonexistent. Depression? Pretty much gone.

Fast forward to January 2026, I have had thoughts of CTB every day, likely restarted in Oct/Nov. All that reason to live? Huge struggle. Depression is in full force, social anxiety is back, there is the possibility I have developed ptsd, likely even complex.

As another user said these changes are not magical. It can be seen from what I just wrote. I was not feeling suicidal at the beginning of September. Things took a nosedive in October. So, a month apart. You can attribute this to me becoming overconfident/not focusing properly on recovery, doesn't matter. I made missteps and it is what it is. I have to work like hell to get back what I had in July.

This is really just to offer my personal experience. I was in this position where I suddenly "wasn't suicidal anymore" but in my case it didn't take much for me to try to CTB again. That may not happen to you. I don't know you personally and I hope you continue to move in a direction that makes you happy. But my experience isn't unique and it could happen to someone else under the right amount of pressure.

No hard feelings - just a bit concerned when I read this post as I can see myself in you, and knowing where I am now, I would have given some sort of warning to my past self.

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

I felt similarly some months ago(July - September). Better, didn't need therapy/meds, was incredibly outgoing(more than usual), my confidence shot up, my social anxiety was almost nonexistent. Depression? Pretty much gone.

Fast forward to January 2026, I have had thoughts of CTB every day, likely restarted in Oct/Nov. All that reason to live? Huge struggle. Depression is in full force, social anxiety is back, there is the possibility I have developed ptsd, likely even complex.

As another user said these changes are not magical. It can be seen from what I just wrote. I was not feeling suicidal at the beginning of September. Things took a nosedive in October. So, a month apart. You can attribute this to me becoming overconfident/not focusing properly on recovery, doesn't matter. I made missteps and it is what it is. I have to work like hell to get back what I had in July.

This is really just to offer my personal experience. I was in this position where I suddenly "wasn't suicidal anymore" but in my case it didn't take much for me to try to CTB again. That may not happen to you. I don't know you personally and I hope you continue to move in a direction that makes you happy. But my experience isn't unique and it could happen to someone else under the right amount of pressure.

No hard feelings - just a bit concerned when I read this post as I can see myself in you, and knowing where I am now, I would have given some sort of warning to my past self.

i could've written this. wow

 

[whatisaholemadeof]

i could've written this. wow

I'm glad you can relate. I did worry a bit after sharing as I made it sound quite depressing. Maybe not glamorous, but I also disagree with the idea that recovery is only uphill. There will be bumps in the road. Not implying that OP said this, just think it's relevant to mention.

I don't want to make my case seem hopeless, for anyone here seeking recovery. Certain aspects of my life got significantly better recently. Other aspects significantly worsened. My life is pretty average right now. It could be worse. It could also be a lot better if I didn't constantly relive stuff from my past, but. whatever :P

The reason I bothered to type this out was I've had multiple periods in which, in the snap of a finger, my depression/anxiety/suicidal ideation was gone. Not just last year. It comes and goes. For a lot of people including myself this is chronic/long-term. I don't believe this should deter me from recovery/trying to improve my life, but when the suicidal ideation gets nasty it can really hit me hard and fast. I wish I had told myself, or someone had told me, it is ok for this to happen and it's not some moral failure on my end. Certain circumstances were out of my control at the time and of course, this was the first way my brain reacted.

I know that a lot of the "things get better" messaging put an immense amount of pressure on me to stay better. I broke down in a friend's arms saying, my dad would be so disappointed in me. I made so much progress over the summer. His response was that it was ok. I could make that progress again, because I'd done it before.

Just my two cents.