encore
she/her • BPD • rOCD
- Nov 14, 2024
- 166
what i've learned during these short 21 years of my life in this world, is that nothing is ever or will ever be inherently fair. and if you're out of luck, well, prepare to be forever ostracized, criticized, made fun of and be deprived of luxuries everyone else gets access to simply because they are nothing like you.
when i say "luxuries", im not talking about wealth, or power, or significant influence. for most people, a true luxury is a life with minimized suffering; a life in good health, a strong and big enough support system consisting of people who are similar enough to you, people who can provide you with understanding, compassion and help you navigate life. none of these things are universally granted at birth or guaranteed, yet they are the things that every person needs in order to thrive.
and some of you, most of you, including myself, will never have access to all of them. that's just how life rolls. this is the bleak reality no one wants to talk about, because sincerely believing you can "outsmart" your circumstances, or work hard enough to earn these luxuries is a thought more comforting than simple acceptance. nobody wants to simmer in their misery if salvation is within reach, yet somehow, the belief of "choosing what you do with your life" is the most persistent narrative i see.
let's focus on the social aspect of happiness. humans thrive in company of people akin to them, and the more profound your suffering is, the more time you spend in isolation and pain, the further you get removed from the "majority". connections become even more difficult to find, you start to feel like no one gets you, and it's true. it is true that at some point, people like us get socially discarded, especially if we fail to express our frustration and pain in an acceptable way. then, even if we manage to find someone, or some people, we are very likely to fuck it up due to past trauma or mental illness.
you might say, well, that's what therapy is for! cool, it is true that therapy and medication can be helpful to some, but what about those who are treatment resistant? those that simply don't have access to those things? those who are too tired, or too hopeless to try more? what i'm trying to say is, there are so many variables to consider that "getting help", at some point, becomes nothing more than a million other empty words of advice that ultimately mean nothing.
it doesn't matter. this post doesn't matter. i guess i just felt like screaming into the void, because i childishly seek to be "compensated" for all the pain i had to endure, yet i know it won't come, and i feel too broken, in pain and hopeless to keep trying. this world hasn't shown me love, so i have no reason to love it in return. i was not made for happiness - maybe you weren't, too.
when i say "luxuries", im not talking about wealth, or power, or significant influence. for most people, a true luxury is a life with minimized suffering; a life in good health, a strong and big enough support system consisting of people who are similar enough to you, people who can provide you with understanding, compassion and help you navigate life. none of these things are universally granted at birth or guaranteed, yet they are the things that every person needs in order to thrive.
and some of you, most of you, including myself, will never have access to all of them. that's just how life rolls. this is the bleak reality no one wants to talk about, because sincerely believing you can "outsmart" your circumstances, or work hard enough to earn these luxuries is a thought more comforting than simple acceptance. nobody wants to simmer in their misery if salvation is within reach, yet somehow, the belief of "choosing what you do with your life" is the most persistent narrative i see.
let's focus on the social aspect of happiness. humans thrive in company of people akin to them, and the more profound your suffering is, the more time you spend in isolation and pain, the further you get removed from the "majority". connections become even more difficult to find, you start to feel like no one gets you, and it's true. it is true that at some point, people like us get socially discarded, especially if we fail to express our frustration and pain in an acceptable way. then, even if we manage to find someone, or some people, we are very likely to fuck it up due to past trauma or mental illness.
you might say, well, that's what therapy is for! cool, it is true that therapy and medication can be helpful to some, but what about those who are treatment resistant? those that simply don't have access to those things? those who are too tired, or too hopeless to try more? what i'm trying to say is, there are so many variables to consider that "getting help", at some point, becomes nothing more than a million other empty words of advice that ultimately mean nothing.
it doesn't matter. this post doesn't matter. i guess i just felt like screaming into the void, because i childishly seek to be "compensated" for all the pain i had to endure, yet i know it won't come, and i feel too broken, in pain and hopeless to keep trying. this world hasn't shown me love, so i have no reason to love it in return. i was not made for happiness - maybe you weren't, too.
