• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

U

undecidedfool

I'm just here.
Oct 29, 2024
13
I don't know why I keep trying to stay alive. I want to die, but then I chicken out, get "help", get some hope, then sooner or later I'm back to where I started: depressed and suicidal.
I don't even know why I'm posting this. I think we all know the cycle by now. Or maybe it's because I'm bipolar and my brain fucking hates me.
All I've done recently is work and sleep, and going to work gets harder every day. I literally cried because I didn't want to go. I'm sleeping over 12 hours a day and I think it's mostly out of apathy. I go to therapy and takes meds, but is it really helping? I'm sure I'd be worse without my meds, but that isn't really reassuring. And my therapist kinda sucks and barely listens, probably because I have nothing of interest to say.
If you read this far, sorry for wasting your time. I just don't know what to do with myself. Writing this out has been the only productive thing I've done today.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: monetpompo, FishRain3469, Catchingdabus27 and 6 others
citrusrope

citrusrope

Student
Feb 13, 2025
116
That cycle that you describe is something I feel too. I feel like I'm gonna lose to it one day because going through it over... and over... and over.... without anything really changing makes me feel like I'm losing my marbles one by one. It's maddening and exhausting to constantly rinse and repeat.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: monetpompo and FishRain3469

Similar threads

su1c1dal-dungeon
Replies
1
Views
58
Suicide Discussion
Cauliflour
Cauliflour
T
Replies
0
Views
111
Suicide Discussion
tiredoflife2
T
monetpompo
Replies
2
Views
297
Suicide Discussion
monetpompo
monetpompo
shediedatsea
Replies
1
Views
164
Suicide Discussion
bankai
bankai