I was given up 2019 by a horrible therapist. And when my mom messaged her she claimed she would have never done that. Lol.
I was sort of prepared this time. Tbh much has changed since 2019 and a lot for the better. I was in a horrible condition 2019, did not take medication and my old therapist reinforced that.
Now back to present time. I had the feeling 2-3 weeks ago she wants to resign. One of the main topics is getting a gf in therapy. Tbh I think it is pretty stupid to center a psychotherapy around that. However, it is a topic where I suffered from love delusions often. And it is really hard not to drift away since. Back when therapy started in November I was on the edge of suicide. In October I almost attempted suicide and had a nightmarish stay in an acute suicidal clinic.
I am not sure where to begin. I think her rationalisation with giving up on me is that I don't have found a partner since I started therapy. We don't make progress. I think online dating is very difficult and it needs a lot of luck. This is not an appropriate goal for a therapy. We should not define the success of the therapy with that standard. I explicitly told her that. My therapist does not get my paranoia though. She often reinforced my paranoia instead of working against it. I also think she never heard of the concept ambiguity intolerance. Something I suffer from on certain topics. I am also catastrophizing all the time. And well being giving up by therapists does not help in this instance. I have a very deterministic understanding of my future. I was on many topics 100% certain. Major depression with psychosomatic pain would never end. It ended. I would never have a somewhat good income. Well someone on SaSu helped me to get a passive income of several hundred Euros. It is not a fortune. But it gives me hope and it could actually save my life. I will never find a gf. Well in January I met someone online, had my first sexual experiences, kissed someone for the first time I hope I still get an actual relationship though someday. I mean it does not seem to be fully impossible. As my therapist sort of suggests by giving me up because of that topic.
It is ironic. I think talking with her helps to organize my thoughts. It helps me to stay stable in some ways. But talking with my friends helps way more. They actually get my paranoid thoughts. My therapist instead sometimes induced insecurities and anxieties. When that one woman I dated ghosted me she had borderline. My therapist said she likely wanted to have a sexually more experiened partner. But this was such a bogus claim. She just guessed something and pretended to know it. I am very sure this was not the reason this woman ghosted me. She pretty much enjoyed what I did. For her claim there are close to zero hints and evidence. She just pretended something to sound smart. She should not speculate like that. Moreover, another bogus claim. Women would not be interested in me because I sound like a machine/distant when talking about traumata. Again, this is utter bullshit. Women complimented me often for how I can open up towards them. I think it is actually a strength from me. And because such bogus bullshit I am not hit in a hard way by her giviing me up.
But I think everyone waits for the part about deceiving. (check out the thread in the politics subforum where she called me out for joining a very civil pro palestine protest). So today she said to me we only have one therapy session left. And she also said to me she won't continue a single/individual therapy. The only solution would be a combination of group and single/individual therapy. I told her I don't really want such a combination and asked about the alternatives. There is one group therapy for autists which she recommended me. But I am also not fully convinced about that. I asked her whether it would be possible to continue single/individual therapy with a different therapist. She told me she had to write me a document for that, it would take her 4 hours and she told me she is not altruistic enough for that. I was a little bit stunned. I told her this would help me tremendously. And this is would be well invested time. She insisted on that. I asked her how I could get individual therapy then. She told me to go to a new therapist and convince him to write me such a document for extended therapy. I think this was a blatant lie. Actually. only she is able to request extended therapy time. A new therapist does not know my actual case and is not in the position to write such a documentation. I was also puzzled about that. And later I asked her how common it is that a therapist who does not actually know me can request extended therapy sessions and whether it is actually handled like that in practice. Oh well,....After the following incident she sort of admitted her lie because she could not hide her massive incompetence anymore. For the request of extended therapy there needs a certain document an anamnesis document. I filled that out when she had to describe my case to the health insurance. (By the way it took me many hours and now retrospectively I think she never actually read it. Or at least forgot everything. This woman has a memory like a goldfish.) She looked into her folders, it took really long and she claimed I never handed in that document. She is pretty convinced I sent it to her by e-mail and this is the reason why she cannot find it. I knew this is not the truth. I double checked it in my e-mails. She blamed me for not finding the document. I was sort of pissed off but stayed calm and civil. Before I wanted to leave I asked her once again in a very polite way to search for the document again. She told me this is a waste time but looked for it again. Oh well, she found it. And all her blaming on me was exposed as bullshit. I could not hide how much this made me chuckle. Her fucking incompetence. This was also the moment she offered me to write me a request for extended indiviudal therapy. But I had to write her some good reasons for it. It was ambigous. Either I had to write a paper for her or my potential new therapist to convince them to request extended therapy. I think the latter does not actually work in practice. And she gave in to write it herself but only if I stayed with her. LMAO. After she showed so much passion I could I dare to change the therapist? I told her I need time to think about that and that I consider to look for another therapist. She still wants that paper where I argument why the therapy actually beneftis me. And she sort of discouraged to apply for it. And I responded to her in a very convinced way that one make a pretty good case why therapy benefits me. (the unspoken truth many can make such an argument but not actually her). She always seemed to be so lazy and so fucking stupid. This is why this does not really hit me that hard.
I told her I have to think about my options. My plan for now. For today I am pretty done. Tomorrow I will send some e-mails to new therapists to write me such a request for extended therapy. And they will very likely tell me noone will do that for me my current therapist had to do it. Moreover, tomorrow I will write a 4 pages paper why the therapy benefits me. Possible methods and what actually was achieved in therapy. I have to conceptualize my own therapy. I will have to do this to save my therapist time to request extended therapy sessions. I think I am pretty good in that. But I will use AI to help me. I really wish we get caught and it will be exposed that I wrote that request or that AI was used and she loses her licence. Lmao. I did not burn bridges though. I will probably convince her to write that extended therapy request. Her demand was not changing the therapist. Otherwise this would be too friendly of her. Honestly, the whole thing sounds surreal. I plan though to provoke a break up when the extended therapy sessions are approved. I want an actual good therapist.
In some instances she helped me. But she is so fucking lazy. And she does not have the intellectual capacities for it. I don't pretend I was really super smart like she claimed that. I just think she is really incompetent and very unmotivated.
In 2019 I was shattered when a therapist gave me up. This time not. I was prepared. I was really heartbroken 2019 but this time I think it does not hit me that hard. In my paper why therapy benefits me I can pretend a lot of shit. I don't think that therapy actually helps this much but it helps somewhat. It is better than no therapy at all. I had psychosis I will make up a lot of shit. And say that without therapy I would likely kill myself or something dramatic like that and that an expensive clinic stay was only a matter of time. I already had 3 extended behavioral therapies. And none of my therapists ever did aan act like that in such a fucking stupid way. Only because of fucking 4 hours doing her fucking job she stressed me out like that. Isn't it sort iof blackmailing demanding from me not to change the therapist when she writes me that document? I wonder how and why should I imagine to change the therapist after all the time she dedicated to my case. In therapy I always had the feeling never thinks ouside our sessions about my case.
Bro WTF. I still recommend therapy to other people. Therapy can make a difference. I am a pretty difficult case. At the same time this incompetence handing my case is sadly not new to me. My friends and parents were really pissed at my therapist. Rightfully so.
Edit: When I left the door I looked into her eyes and thanked her for her work. Well I still need her...
By the way can we start a campaign bring back the SPAM thread, I miss him so dearly...
I was sort of prepared this time. Tbh much has changed since 2019 and a lot for the better. I was in a horrible condition 2019, did not take medication and my old therapist reinforced that.
Now back to present time. I had the feeling 2-3 weeks ago she wants to resign. One of the main topics is getting a gf in therapy. Tbh I think it is pretty stupid to center a psychotherapy around that. However, it is a topic where I suffered from love delusions often. And it is really hard not to drift away since. Back when therapy started in November I was on the edge of suicide. In October I almost attempted suicide and had a nightmarish stay in an acute suicidal clinic.
I am not sure where to begin. I think her rationalisation with giving up on me is that I don't have found a partner since I started therapy. We don't make progress. I think online dating is very difficult and it needs a lot of luck. This is not an appropriate goal for a therapy. We should not define the success of the therapy with that standard. I explicitly told her that. My therapist does not get my paranoia though. She often reinforced my paranoia instead of working against it. I also think she never heard of the concept ambiguity intolerance. Something I suffer from on certain topics. I am also catastrophizing all the time. And well being giving up by therapists does not help in this instance. I have a very deterministic understanding of my future. I was on many topics 100% certain. Major depression with psychosomatic pain would never end. It ended. I would never have a somewhat good income. Well someone on SaSu helped me to get a passive income of several hundred Euros. It is not a fortune. But it gives me hope and it could actually save my life. I will never find a gf. Well in January I met someone online, had my first sexual experiences, kissed someone for the first time I hope I still get an actual relationship though someday. I mean it does not seem to be fully impossible. As my therapist sort of suggests by giving me up because of that topic.
It is ironic. I think talking with her helps to organize my thoughts. It helps me to stay stable in some ways. But talking with my friends helps way more. They actually get my paranoid thoughts. My therapist instead sometimes induced insecurities and anxieties. When that one woman I dated ghosted me she had borderline. My therapist said she likely wanted to have a sexually more experiened partner. But this was such a bogus claim. She just guessed something and pretended to know it. I am very sure this was not the reason this woman ghosted me. She pretty much enjoyed what I did. For her claim there are close to zero hints and evidence. She just pretended something to sound smart. She should not speculate like that. Moreover, another bogus claim. Women would not be interested in me because I sound like a machine/distant when talking about traumata. Again, this is utter bullshit. Women complimented me often for how I can open up towards them. I think it is actually a strength from me. And because such bogus bullshit I am not hit in a hard way by her giviing me up.
But I think everyone waits for the part about deceiving. (check out the thread in the politics subforum where she called me out for joining a very civil pro palestine protest). So today she said to me we only have one therapy session left. And she also said to me she won't continue a single/individual therapy. The only solution would be a combination of group and single/individual therapy. I told her I don't really want such a combination and asked about the alternatives. There is one group therapy for autists which she recommended me. But I am also not fully convinced about that. I asked her whether it would be possible to continue single/individual therapy with a different therapist. She told me she had to write me a document for that, it would take her 4 hours and she told me she is not altruistic enough for that. I was a little bit stunned. I told her this would help me tremendously. And this is would be well invested time. She insisted on that. I asked her how I could get individual therapy then. She told me to go to a new therapist and convince him to write me such a document for extended therapy. I think this was a blatant lie. Actually. only she is able to request extended therapy time. A new therapist does not know my actual case and is not in the position to write such a documentation. I was also puzzled about that. And later I asked her how common it is that a therapist who does not actually know me can request extended therapy sessions and whether it is actually handled like that in practice. Oh well,....After the following incident she sort of admitted her lie because she could not hide her massive incompetence anymore. For the request of extended therapy there needs a certain document an anamnesis document. I filled that out when she had to describe my case to the health insurance. (By the way it took me many hours and now retrospectively I think she never actually read it. Or at least forgot everything. This woman has a memory like a goldfish.) She looked into her folders, it took really long and she claimed I never handed in that document. She is pretty convinced I sent it to her by e-mail and this is the reason why she cannot find it. I knew this is not the truth. I double checked it in my e-mails. She blamed me for not finding the document. I was sort of pissed off but stayed calm and civil. Before I wanted to leave I asked her once again in a very polite way to search for the document again. She told me this is a waste time but looked for it again. Oh well, she found it. And all her blaming on me was exposed as bullshit. I could not hide how much this made me chuckle. Her fucking incompetence. This was also the moment she offered me to write me a request for extended indiviudal therapy. But I had to write her some good reasons for it. It was ambigous. Either I had to write a paper for her or my potential new therapist to convince them to request extended therapy. I think the latter does not actually work in practice. And she gave in to write it herself but only if I stayed with her. LMAO. After she showed so much passion I could I dare to change the therapist? I told her I need time to think about that and that I consider to look for another therapist. She still wants that paper where I argument why the therapy actually beneftis me. And she sort of discouraged to apply for it. And I responded to her in a very convinced way that one make a pretty good case why therapy benefits me. (the unspoken truth many can make such an argument but not actually her). She always seemed to be so lazy and so fucking stupid. This is why this does not really hit me that hard.
I told her I have to think about my options. My plan for now. For today I am pretty done. Tomorrow I will send some e-mails to new therapists to write me such a request for extended therapy. And they will very likely tell me noone will do that for me my current therapist had to do it. Moreover, tomorrow I will write a 4 pages paper why the therapy benefits me. Possible methods and what actually was achieved in therapy. I have to conceptualize my own therapy. I will have to do this to save my therapist time to request extended therapy sessions. I think I am pretty good in that. But I will use AI to help me. I really wish we get caught and it will be exposed that I wrote that request or that AI was used and she loses her licence. Lmao. I did not burn bridges though. I will probably convince her to write that extended therapy request. Her demand was not changing the therapist. Otherwise this would be too friendly of her. Honestly, the whole thing sounds surreal. I plan though to provoke a break up when the extended therapy sessions are approved. I want an actual good therapist.
In some instances she helped me. But she is so fucking lazy. And she does not have the intellectual capacities for it. I don't pretend I was really super smart like she claimed that. I just think she is really incompetent and very unmotivated.
In 2019 I was shattered when a therapist gave me up. This time not. I was prepared. I was really heartbroken 2019 but this time I think it does not hit me that hard. In my paper why therapy benefits me I can pretend a lot of shit. I don't think that therapy actually helps this much but it helps somewhat. It is better than no therapy at all. I had psychosis I will make up a lot of shit. And say that without therapy I would likely kill myself or something dramatic like that and that an expensive clinic stay was only a matter of time. I already had 3 extended behavioral therapies. And none of my therapists ever did aan act like that in such a fucking stupid way. Only because of fucking 4 hours doing her fucking job she stressed me out like that. Isn't it sort iof blackmailing demanding from me not to change the therapist when she writes me that document? I wonder how and why should I imagine to change the therapist after all the time she dedicated to my case. In therapy I always had the feeling never thinks ouside our sessions about my case.
Bro WTF. I still recommend therapy to other people. Therapy can make a difference. I am a pretty difficult case. At the same time this incompetence handing my case is sadly not new to me. My friends and parents were really pissed at my therapist. Rightfully so.
Edit: When I left the door I looked into her eyes and thanked her for her work. Well I still need her...
By the way can we start a campaign bring back the SPAM thread, I miss him so dearly...
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