Venting so many things I wanna do but still wanna die sighh

[meowme0w]

Does anyone else have so many things that technically could keep them holding on for longer, but they just...don't?

Like, I have so many things I look forwards to. So many things I want to finish. People I don't want to upset with my death. Yet none of it is good enough to actually keep me around?

I'm literally mourning the fact that I'm going to die, but I'm still going to do it. I just don't see any other option. I have no desire to live, even with all these things I like. I want to write a story. I want to keep creating characters and worlds and stories. Just earlier today I worked on a story and it was so fun and i couldn't wait to keep working on it...But I'm going to die. I don't have enough time to finish any of my current projects.

In the past, things like this were enough to keep me going for one more day at a time, but now I just can't wait for it all to be over. It's taking all my strength to not just do it right now and get it over with...The only reason I'm waiting at all is because I don't want ot traumatise my family, so I need to go somewhere else to do it. I want to do so many things, but even all of them combined aren't enough. I don't want anything as much as I want death

Ugghhhh I'm literally gonna spend my last few days just grinding art, because I desperately want to draw and write about these characters and story I've created sighhh can't believe I HAVE to kill myself sighhh

 

[Aflame5926]

Does anyone else have so many things that technically could keep them holding on for longer, but they just...don't?

Like, I have so many things I look forwards to. So many things I want to finish. People I don't want to upset with my death. Yet none of it is good enough to actually keep me around?

I'm literally mourning the fact that I'm going to die, but I'm still going to do it. I just don't see any other option. I have no desire to live, even with all these things I like. I want to write a story. I want to keep creating characters and worlds and stories. Just earlier today I worked on a story and it was so fun and i couldn't wait to keep working on it...But I'm going to die. I don't have enough time to finish any of my current projects.

In the past, things like this were enough to keep me going for one more day at a time, but now I just can't wait for it all to be over. It's taking all my strength to not just do it right now and get it over with...The only reason I'm waiting at all is because I don't want ot traumatise my family, so I need to go somewhere else to do it. I want to do so many things, but even all of them combined aren't enough. I don't want anything as much as I want death

Ugghhhh I'm literally gonna spend my last few days just grinding art, because I desperately want to draw and write about these characters and story I've created sighhh can't believe I HAVE to kill myself sighhh

bruh then dont. wasnt it like 3 years good? write it then go. or is CTB your mouse now? (a joke)

 

[meowme0w]

bruh then dont. wasnt it like 3 years good? write it then go. or is CTB your mouse now? (a joke)

nah I'm saying that despite all these things I still want to die. Even though I like these things and want to do them, i don't want them THAT much. None of it is just worth it to me. I'd rather miss out on a couple things than keep living

 

[pascagalias]

That sounds very familiar to me. Being Creative is one of the main things to keep me alive, even if it's only a sideline for me (but maybe more in future, we'll see.)

I'm still struggling to get along. But here are my perceptions so far:
- The dark times don't mean my life is bad. In fact, they are necessary, because the mind needs to rest from creating beautiful things.
- Many artists have made "meta-art" about their personal struggles with creativity. Some of these help me to feel less alone, and I tried to do something similar. (It may not be the kind of art the world wants, but so what?)
- Trying to push myself only makes it worse. Instead, I do a bit of gardening, moderate exercise, wholesome games or spend time with my cat.

The world needs art, but treats artists badly. So I hope you will find confidence in your works.