So how many of you are gonna do it?

[patati157]

I really want but i have no courage for it
how many of you already made the decision and actually will do it?

 

[WideAwake]

I really want but i have no courage for it
how many of you already made the decision and actually will do it?

I doubt I have the courage.

 

[SuicidalDream]

I don't think I have the courage. I might be more confident if I can get a gun though.

 

[iwannaendme]

I have to ctb by the end of the next week. Can't be here any longer.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

Well I guess none of us will really know if we have the guts to go through with it until the moment actually arrives.

I just know it has all reached a new quality this year for me, like I feel it's coming to an end and I'm not planning for anything else.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

I will definitely CTB when I have access to SN, metoclopramide and cimetidine, but I have no idea of when. It might be this month. It might be this year. It might only be when I get away from my parents. I'm only sure that at the first opportunity I will end this depressing joke called life and no damned god or pro life freak will be able to stop me.

 

[crimea_river]

I think it's an inevitability for me and I kind of thought that way for years. I have merely an existence now.

Battled (whatever that means) mental illness most of my life, been through a lot of horrible shit. Icing on the cake was being struck down with chronic, incurable illness. I'm undecided as to how it's gonna finish, but that's the beauty of existence, so many choices......

 

[Mysterymeat]

I just made an attempt with the clear and sole intention of dying and failed. Then went to a psych ward for a week. I still want to and feel it's destined somehow. Though I'm supposed to undergo ECT, I believe I will do it before or after my treatments. I'm just waiting for the right medications and money to buy them. If I had them now, I would do it tomorrow.

 

[PatKat]

I really want but i have no courage for it
how many of you already made the decision and actually will do it?

It's not that I want to die... I just do not want to feel this way anymore, and it is exhausting trying to get help, it is my only choice if something doesnt happen soon. Begging does nothing I have tried.

I just made an attempt with the clear and sole intention of dying and failed. Then went to a psych ward for a week. I still want to and feel it's destined somehow. Though I'm supposed to undergo ECT, I believe I will do it before or after my treatments. I'm just waiting for the right medications and money to buy them. If I had them now, I would do it tomorrow.

I need to get ECT done also, but I have no insurance and they will not help me without it. Have you read about VNS or TMS? I think his name is Mark George he is at the University of SC Charleston he has been making breakthroughs.

 

[Mysterymeat]

I think it's an inevitability for me and I kind of thought that way for years. I have merely an existence now.

Battled (whatever that means) mental illness most of my life, been through a lot of horrible shit. Icing on the cake was being struck down with chronic, incurable illness. I'm undecided as to how it's gonna finish, but that's the beauty of existence, so many choices......

That's exactly how I feel. It's inevitable. I've been through horrible, horrible shit, then became "mentally ill" and then was diagnosed with a chronic, incurable autoimmune disease. I've lost my entire life. It's done. It's just a matter of time.

 

[Faraway1990]

I haven't fully decided on when due to it being my birthday this month but yeah I'll actually do it I've bought the equipment needed for my night night. I wish you all good fortune on your journeys

 

[Mysterymeat]

It's not that I want to die... I just do not want to feel this way anymore, and it is exhausting trying to get help, it is my only choice if something doesnt happen soon. Begging does nothing I have tried.

I need to get ECT done also, but I have no insurance and they will not help me without it. Have you read about VNS or TMS? I think his name is Mark George he is at the University of SC Charleston he has been making breakthroughs.

My insurance won't cover those treatments. What I want is ketamine infusions because they also help with anxiety and ptsd but no way I can pay for that. BUT you can enlist in a research trial. Ever think of that?

 

[PatKat]

My insurance won't cover those treatments. What I want is ketamine infusions because they also help with anxiety and ptsd but no way I can pay for that. BUT you can enlist in a research trial. Ever think of that?

I dont really want to be a guinea pig though that sounds awful to me. Yes, that is the problem people suffering this way do not have 90k for a treatment and insurance companies just deny all mental health/behavioral health treatment anyway unless it is therapy, psychiatry, or inpatient stays. They do not want to fix the problem because they dont get as much money.

I welcome someone to send me a message and explain how to do this because I have no idea...<I wont get a single message> :(

Having a TBI has really messed with my life...

 

[letmeseethedeath]

I really want but i have no courage for it
how many of you already made the decision and actually will do it?

i have to do it before summer ends but i'm always afraid to fail. even if i look at my life going everyday worse i don't have the courage to do it. i need to overcome it, i'm actually working on it. i lost everything in my life. it started with my depression, than with mental illness and i just discovered two days ago they diagnosed me cushing syndrome.

 

[not_a_robot]

I'm actually going to try to hold out for at least one more year to handle some unfinished business, and I want my mind to be in a peaceful state when I go.
But one or two more things going wrong will end me sooner.

 

[Mysterymeat]

I dont really want to be a guinea pig though that sounds awful to me. Yes, that is the problem people suffering this way do not have 90k for a treatment and insurance companies just deny all mental health/behavioral health treatment anyway unless it is therapy, psychiatry, or inpatient stays. They do not want to fix the problem because they dont get as much money.

I welcome someone to send me a message and explain how to do this because I have no idea... :(

Having a TBI has really messed with my life...

How to do what? I got Medicaid through a hospital that I kept going to for emergency med refills. They did all the work. I just had to tell them it was ok to submit the application.
After a serious suicide attempt, my insurance won't cover an outpatient program! Not that I want to even go but wtf?

 

[PatKat]

How to do what? I got Medicaid through a hospital that I kept going to for emergency med refills. They did all the work. I just had to tell them it was ok to submit the application.
After a serious suicide attempt, my insurance won't cover an outpatient program! Not that I want to even go but wtf?

I was on Medicade but they took it away and the reasons were not true one said I didnt have Medicare part A which I have medicare part A and D since I was on SSDI from 2009 to 2014. The other denial was I have never been in SSDI or SSDI and again I was. I had a hearing date and they never even called me so I gave up. I need Medicare part B to see a doctor and i have to wait on SSDI to get it. I have waited 11 months almost for my initial decision this time. They are waiting for me to die so they dont have to pay it's pretty cut and clear to me at this point.

So in a way my life is in my governments hands at this point.

 

[WideAwake]

I was on Medicade but they took it away and the reasons were not true one said I didnt have Medicare part A which I have medicare part A and D since I was on SSDI from 2009 to 2014. The other denial was I have never been in SSDI or SSDI and again I was. I had a hearing date and they never even called me so I gave up. I need Medicare part B to see a doctor and i have to wait on SSDI to get it. I have waited 11 months almost for my initial decision this time. They are waiting for me to die so they dont have to pay it's pretty cut and clear to me at this point.

So in a way my life is in my governments hands at this point.

Have you tried the VA?

 

[PatKat]

Have you tried the VA?

Oh dont even get me started on the VA I am a ARMY veteran honorably discharged for mental health. I am just not gonna open that can...

 

[WideAwake]

Oh dont even get me started on the VA I am a ARMY veteran honorably discharged for mental health. I am just not gonna open that can...

I knew you were a veteran. The VA has improved recently. You should try.

 

[PatKat]

I knew you were a veteran. The VA has improved recently. You should try.

Tried it about a year ago same shit, I just got extremely stressed out and had panic attacks from that nightmare place. I asked for an advocate and they said they did not have any which I know is a lie.

 

[andy69]

I think I might do it this week. I want to do it before October.

 

[Weems]

Total failure here. 30yo child moving back in with parent. Career and social skills nonexistent. If I don't do it in the next few years things are going to get wweeiirrdddd.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I made the decision years ago that I was going to die a dignified peaceful death when I am an old man. And I still plan on doing that. I have N right now. But won't be using it until that faithful day. So for me there is no survival instinct, because I know when I do end it I would have exhausted all my options.

 

[goodbyeimoutt]

I'll do it in less than two days. Just waiting for my little brother to go to a sleepover so i can make sure he won't be around during any of it. I'm already on Antiemitics to adjust my body.

 

[pane]

I made the decision years ago that I was going to die a dignified peaceful death when I am an old man. And I still plan on doing that. I have N right now. But won't be using it until that faithful day. So for me there is no survival instinct, because I know when I do end it I would have exhausted all my options.

Being a drug, does Nembutal have an expiration date? I think you've said you're in your mid/late thirties so we're talking another 30 years or more before you end your life.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Being a drug, does Nembutal have an expiration date? I think you've said you're in your mid/late thirties so we're talking another 30 years or more before you end your life.

I brought it from J just before he stopped selling it. So I have it in powder form. So it should last decades.

 

[pane]

I brought it from Johnson just before he stopped selling it. So I have it in powder form. So it should last decades.

Is this powdered form more concentrated than the liquid that A sells might you know? Can you ingest a smaller quantity of it to bring about death? I was talking recently with another member (I think it was Jay35) who said A's Nembutal is more diluted and that's why people have to drink so much of it to have the intended effect.

 

[Partial-Elf]

For me it's not lack of courage–I can go on autopilot and overcome SI easily. I can't get over the impact it'd have on people I'm close to or in contact with

 

[GeorgeJL]

Is this powdered form more concentrated than the liquid that A sells might you know? Can you ingest a smaller quantity of it to bring about death? I was talking recently with another member (I think it was Jay35) who said A's Nembutal is more diluted and that's why people have to drink so much of it to have the intended effect.

Well J started diluting it just before he stopped selling but it was still enough for a peaceful death because he would sell it 25 grams a pop. But even still I'm pretty sure the volume is a lot less than that of liquid veterinarian nembutal.