SN tomorrow

[paif]

I'm going to get my SN tomorrow and I don't want to waste any time. I'm just worried about my moms reaction. Would it be better on her to find me in my room or for me to do it in the woods and put the stress on her of me being missing?

 

[Thereisnothing]

When someone goes missing and you dont know where they are or what has happened to them, its awful. To find someone in their room no longer alive, is awful.
I cant advise on which would be easiest for your mom, as I know both will be devastating for her. Maybe turn the question around and ask yourself where would it be best for you to find someone in this situation? There is no best place or answer for anything like this. I know how you must be feeling and am in no way undermining your question, but there is no easy answer.

 

[Jean4]

First, welcome.

Second. In my opinion, when a brand new person comes here, and one of their first posts is a poll saying you are going to take SN tomorrow, where should you take it, you aren't ready

Can I ask where did you obtain the SN from and do you have the other materials necessary? How did your pre test go and what did you do?

 

[paif]

First, welcome.

Second. In my opinion, when a brand new person comes here, and one of their first posts is a poll saying you are going to take SN tomorrow, where should you take it, you aren't ready

Can I ask where did you obtain the SN from and do you have the other materials necessary? How did your pre test go and what did you do?

I got the SN from two sources, one from amazon and one from a website called lab alley. In total I bought about 1 kg, which I know is overkill, but oh well. I have Dramamine and antacids and I'm going to fast before hand. I haven't done a pretest yet though. Can you recommend what amount I should take and what feeling would be a "good" result?

 

[Merith]

Going missing and having your mom eventually prepare for the worst would be better than having it all hit at once as she finds you in your room.

 

[paif]

Going missing and having your mom eventually prepare for the worst would be better than having it all hit at once as she finds you in your room.

Good point. However, I don't want to extend her pain either. I don't want her to have to worry the several days or weeks before someone finds me.

 

[Merith]

Good point. However, I don't want to extend her pain either. I don't want her to have to worry the several days or weeks before someone finds me.

Have you considered a note? One way or another, she will be traumatised.

 

[Jean4]

I got the SN from two sources, one from amazon and one from a website called lab alley. In total I bought about 1 kg, which I know is overkill, but oh well. I have Dramamine and antacids and I'm going to fast before hand. I haven't done a pretest yet though. Can you recommend what amount I should take and what feeling would be a "good" result?

Everything you need is here with the appropriate supplies and feel free to read the resource section.

You are doing it without Metro. What are you using instead?

My opinion. If one needs to ask 'what feeling would be a good result' you aren't ready, and should research more.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

 

[Farmmaa]

I'm really shocked at the number of people who plan to CTB anywhere that their family or close friends will be the ones to find them.
It's just so not fair to put that additional trauma on your loved ones.
Yes, having your child missing for a few days is hard, but finding their body yourself would be so much worse.

I'm going to go out of my way to ensure that no one I know finds me.

 

[paif]

Have you considered a note? One way or another, she will be traumatised.

I wouldn't really know what to put on a note. Every time I've tried to write one everything sounds cheesy. I think I may just write a short one explaining that it's not her fault or something like that. The other two times I've failed, I didn't plan on leaving a note, so I don't really know.

I'm really shocked at the number of people who plan to CTB anywhere that their family or close friends will be the ones to find them.
It's just so not fair to put that additional trauma on your loved ones.
Yes, having your child missing for a few days is hard, but finding their body yourself would be so much worse.

I'm going to go out of my way to ensure that no one I know finds me.

I think for most people who plan to CTB near their loved ones just want to be comfortable. Being able to relax in your own bed sounds much better than being outside or hoping someone doesn't find you in a hotel room (if you can get one without raising suspicion or if you can even afford one ).

 

[JustVisiting]

I'm really shocked at the number of people who plan to CTB anywhere that their family or close friends will be the ones to find them.
It's just so not fair to put that additional trauma on your loved ones.
Yes, having your child missing for a few days is hard, but finding their body yourself would be so much worse.

I'm going to go out of my way to ensure that no one I know finds me.

agree. and same.

 

[Scooter]

I plan on doing SN in my room, however I'm in an apartment. BUT the catch is that I'm planning a delayed email to local law enforcement. It will probably go out a day after I pass. I would definitely look into this idea if you don't want your mom finding you. I don't want my roommates finding me or anyone else, so sending an email with what to expect imo is the best option as no one has to see my corpse unexpected.

 

[paif]

I plan on doing SN in my room, however I'm in an apartment. BUT the catch is that I'm planning a delayed email to local law enforcement. It will probably go out a day after I pass. I would definitely look into this idea if you don't want your mom finding you. I don't want my roommates finding me or anyone else, so sending an email with what to expect imo is the best option as no one has to see my corpse unexpected.

That's great advice. I know it's a personal question, but do you mind summarizing what your email says? So I can get an idea of what to put?

 

[Scooter]

That's great advice. I know it's a personal question, but do you mind summarizing what your email says? So I can get an idea of what to put?

Of course. It's going to be a short email saying where I am and that there will be a body there. It's going to be a very short email. But as others have stated it would be in your best interest to do much more research on this topic. I don't know your situation, but maybe reaching out to outside resources could better your situation friend. Basically so if you do decide to go you can have everything in order and be confident in your decision, or if you decide otherwise you know the steps to getting better. I wish you peace! <3

That's great advice. I know it's a personal question, but do you mind summarizing what your email says? So I can get an idea of what to put?

Also I should add that the email will be timed. So I won't be sending it right before I take the SN. I plan on it sending out a day later, just to be sure. Hope this helps!

 

[EmptyArms]

Im so sorry you are suffering. Do you mind my asking what has brought you to this point? Of course I understand that you dont want to traumatise your mum. Maybe you can tell us a little more about your situation so we can put our heads together to see if we can think of ways around that. It really would be truly horrifying for her to find her beloved child dead.

 

[Farmmaa]

Also I should add that the email will be timed. So I won't be sending it right before I take the SN. I plan on it sending out a day later, just to be sure. Hope this helps!

Aren't your room mates likely to discover you in that 24 hours ?

 

[Scooter]

Aren't your room mates likely to discover you in that 24 hours ?

Well there's only one there atm. And I normally keep to myself and he works for most of the day. So it's not out of the normal for us not to see each other for more than a day. I should be in the clear

 

[paif]

Im so sorry you are suffering. Do you mind my asking what has brought you to this point? Of course I understand that you dont want to traumatise your mum. Maybe you can tell us a little more about your situation so we can put our heads together to see if we can think of ways around that. It really would be truly horrifying for her to find her beloved child dead.

Really all it comes down to is that people are really good at digging out your deepest insecurities. It hurts so much more when someone says it to your face and validates your concern. I'm just tired of trying to convince myself that they're wrong. My mom's a special education teacher and she called me retarded in a serious tone. I think that's what finally made me certain on SN.

 

[EmptyArms]

Really all it comes down to is that people are really good at digging out your deepest insecurities. It hurts so much more when someone says it to your face and validates your concern. I'm just tired of trying to convince myself that they're wrong. My mom's a special education teacher and she called me retarded in a serious tone. I think that's what finally made me certain on SN.

I understand. Self doubt and insecurity can really eat away at you. You end up turning it over and over in your mind until you can hardly think of anything else. In the end there seems to be evidence everywhere to support your worst fears being true, even when they are wrong.
I do wonder if you mum said something unkind to you when she was frustrated or angry with you that she didn't mean literally. Why dont you ask her if that's what she really thinks? We all say things we dont mean in anger, and mums are only human too, made of flesh and blood and failings. Seems like you have nothing to lose, why not have a heart to heart with her and tell her how much she hurt you, even if she didnt realise it.

 

[paif]

I understand. Self doubt and insecurity can really eat away at you. You end up turning it over and over in your mind until you can hardly think of anything else. In the end there seems to be evidence everywhere to support your worst fears being true, even when they are wrong.
I do wonder if you mum said something unkind to you when she was frustrated or angry with you that she didn't mean literally. Why dont you ask her if that's what she really thinks? We all say things we dont mean in anger, and mums are only human too, made of flesh and blood and failings. Seems like you have nothing to lose, why not have a heart to heart with her and tell her how much she hurt you, even if she didnt realise it.

I've tried before, but communicating effectively with her is difficult. She ends up becoming angry at anything I say, even if I'm trying to be sincere. I just can't connect with her.

 

[EmptyArms]

I've tried before, but communicating effectively with her is difficult. She ends up becoming angry at anything I say, even if I'm trying to be sincere. I just can't connect with her.

I think that sounds normal to be honest . You both feeling angry by not being able to get each other to see your points of view. Can I ask your age?

 

[Quarky00]

Glad people here provide help and support. I understand that immense pain and despair, especially coming from your mother, and not seeing any option to continue, being unbearable - I feel the same:) I'm not telling you what to do but I think a person should think whether they have exhausted all options (I know it's hard to try). And, on the other hand, whether they put thought, researched and planned their ctb well, including all the small details.

 

[mayflower]

Can you somehow call the emergency services but not too soon? My last (failed) attempt i called the emergency services but they came too quickly. Next time i am going to use a delayed email to a friend asking them to call the ambulance

 

[LMLN]

I plan to do it in the woods. I will send a nonemergency email after 12 hours to my local police department with the approximate coordinates of my body.

 

[Moonicide]

Hey, love... First off, I'm so happy to hear you will be finding your peace soon. But please don't act on impulse and really think things through as to where would you like to ctb. Like many have said, not being found can be painful for your loved ones. I told my mother a while back that one day I'd just go in the forest and off myself. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and said, "Please don't do that... Don't go where I can't find you, please. Let me find you. Please. Don't leave me like that... I need to find you." And that stuck with me. As morbid and painful as it is, I know my mother would want to find me. I know she would want to hold her daughter in her arms one last time, cry, and say goodbye to her properly. If you have a loved one that would want to find you and hold you one last time. Please give them that chance to do so as it can provide them with comfort and closure.

Sending you all of my love and support.

 

[TowerUpright]

Definitely don't act on impulse. But, you have less chance of being caught and "saved" if you do it in a place where people are in close proximity.

I'm thinking more of the woods, myself. Bringing my phone, so when people look for me, my phone can be tracked down. I just need to do it at a time where I have 4 hours before being looked for.

 

[mayflower]

I want to be found by the emergency services but just not in time to save me