Help Should I reveal the real me in my CTB note?

[puddle]

I have a best friend who doesnt know the horrible side of me. The horrible side that says unsavory things that would make them drop me in an instant, the side of me thats edgy on the internet and surrounds myself with people they wouldnt agree with. I know if I never told them, they would never find out. I hate that ive lied about some parts of me, and I wonder if since they have bpd knowing im horrible would help them get over my passing. Any advice welcome.

 

[unluckysadness]

My note is not complicated because my family know my struggles since my birth. I just ask them to forgive me. There are a lot of things they do not know about my suffering, and that's maybe better so. My mother is so close to me. I know it will hurt her so much, but what can we do ? I lie to her too with my condition. I can only speak about my suicidal ideation here. In the real life my family could send me to the psych ward if I talk too much. As you, I don't like lying but we all have two sides (like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde)

 

[UtopianSoliloquies]

I don't think there is anything wrong with telling them in your note, especially if that gives you some closure before you CTB. I will just point out that, if your rationale is that they will hate you once they find out so your death won't affect them as much, I'm not convinced that would be a likely outcome. Of course I don't know your friends but in such a significant and vulnerable moment, I doubt most people would suddenly turn and hate you for your (political?) beliefs that you espouse on the internet, especially if you haven't actually hurt anyone. Still, if that transparency helps you feel like you've sorted something out before you CTB, I don't think there's anything wrong with including that information.

 

[quietwoods]

There's very little that you're going to be able to say in a note that will change their opinion of you, whatever it is. Most people are just going to assume your emotions at the end made you say those things. You won't be there to disagree. They will just twist your words to suit whatever feeling they need.

The things you are hinting at don't seem really bad at all. Unless you are revealing that you are a murderer/unrepentant pedophile, I doubt they are going to do anything more than brush off any negative thing you have to say.

Be as honest as you want, it's your note. Write what you want to say, not what you feel you should.

 

[Carrot]

I'd rather lose a friend like that rather than keep them while not being able to talk about things.

They don't need to become your therapist, you shouldn't only talk about your (or theirs) problems, the friendship can continue normally and you should focus on spending time together in a pleasant manner.

However if you can't tell your friend something like "I've been struggling with depression, going to a psychiatrist for the last 3 years and just wanted you to know" because of a fear of rejection or being ridiculed, what kind of friendship is that?

Either they throw you out of their life because you have mental health issues, that's a win. It really is a win, you don't need friends like that.
Or they support you. That's a win too, hopefully don't need to explain this one!

If you want to live in a fake world, go ahead. Plenty of people do. I prefer something else. And if people don't follow, I don't want to be part of a world like that. Works for me too.