Should I Just Voluntarily Admit Myself Already?

[antiqueantipodean]

So basically, my life has completely fallen apart in the last two months because of this I'm very suicidal. I have no job and I'm about to loose all my money because I have to put all my savings into an urgent root canal this week. I've also been immensely sick with pneumonia for over a month as well as infection in said tooth.

I've already seen a few psychologists in the past year which hasn't helped at all but I do have a psychiatrist but in the one appointment I had so far they have only addressed my ADHD and will prescribe medication for it next week but they don't seem like they'd be the best at helping my other mental health issues tho. They barely even asked me about depression even though I mentioned it a lot and didn't ask about suicide in any way either.

I also have a caring family but I just don't have the ability to talk to them at all no matter how much I want to I can't bring myself to do it (I should also mention that a significantly large part of my mental struggles come from a sexual nature which is what makes it the hardest and stops me from doing it too and doesn't look like something I can change)

I have my SN Protocol: Meto, lots of painkillers and some weed sans Benzos tho (gonna have to buy black market I think)… But I don't really want to do it, I also had a very bad freak out on drugs a little while ago which somewhat scared me a bit more from committing as well so I feel slightly less likely but still can't stop the thoughts, can't get happy, can't sleep, can't move on, can't seem to change my depression and anxiety which is only getting worse again.

I also can't stop the typical feelings of guilt around it all especially with what I'll put my family through and am terrified of a hospital visit making it worse or affecting my future somehow if I do make it though too. One thing I'm most scared of is that I know if I go to hospital I have to tell them and my family I have SN and explain it to them as well and it will be taken away.

I feel that with the copious amount of professionals I've already seen I'm still not being heard and the only way I can be heard without being brushed off is going to hospital with "active plans". I also really don't have the financial means to keep going with random professionals until I find the right one, it's not an option anymore. Although they won't be great drs at least in hospital they can't ignore me and my country has free healthcare.

But my main thing is my ADHD I have a week until I can be medicated and feel like just maybe finally getting that will save me and can't stop thinking if I just hold out for the week and get the meds I'll be ok and can maybe move on but if I go to hospital if I'm stuck in there I can't see my psychiatrist and the doctors in the hospital may delay my access to ADHD medication as well and that scares me most.

Hospital is the last resort but I just want to be truly heard and it's apparent nothing else I've tried has offered me that. But so many factors are scaring me away from doing it too.

 

[MapleS]

why would you need to tell anyone you have SN? I guess you can tell them anything. People don't know how hard is to kill yourself.

Before going to any mental hospital do a research about it. In my country there are generally good mental hospitals and bad ones. And good mental hospitals help people and I've heard a lot of good stories.

And well, if you don't wanna kill yourself yet, It's fine. You can wait. Suicide will not go anywhere.

But I'm really sorry about you not feeling heard. Have you thought about telling a proffesional that you wanna be heard? (I'm autistic and don't get social standards but when I asked for it if worked)

My brain is kinda mess now so I cannnot really tell you much more.
Good luck and I hope things will work out for you <3
Good luck and I hope things will work out for you <3

 

[antiqueantipodean]

why would you need to tell anyone you have SN? I guess you can tell them anything. People don't know how hard is to kill yourself.

Before going to any mental hospital do a research about it. In my country there are generally good mental hospitals and bad ones. And good mental hospitals help people and I've heard a lot of good stories.

And well, if you don't wanna kill yourself yet, It's fine. You can wait. Suicide will not go anywhere.

But I'm really sorry about you not feeling heard. Have you thought about telling a proffesional that you wanna be heard? (I'm autistic and don't get social standards but when I asked for it if worked)

My brain is kinda mess now so I cannnot really tell you much more.
Good luck and I hope things will work out for you <3
Good luck and I hope things will work out for you <3

I feel I have to mention the SN cause if I don't I know I'll be ignored again as any Dr would see I'm not mentally unwell enough to jump or use a knife and guns are inaccessible in my country so that's the only way to prove I'm active not passive in my thoughts.

Unfortunately my only option is general emergency in a normal hospital mental health unit which isn't as good but in my country healthcare is free but not universal so an actual mental hospital isn't free even for emergencies so I know exactly what I'm in for and know it's not the best but as said last and only option

 

[orpheus_]

I feel I have to mention the SN cause if I don't I know I'll be ignored again as any Dr would see I'm not mentally unwell enough to jump or use a knife and guns are inaccessible in my country so that's the only way to prove I'm active not passive in my thoughts.

Maybe you can say were planning to hang/strangle yourself? It's a relatively accessible and a commonly known method and you will not have to take away your options.. well, if you want to keep the exit open.

It's still fine though if you decide to tell them you were going to use SN, but that will 'stick' you to recovery more. So if you need it, maybe it's a better option. Which is for you depends on many things, really. Some people struggle to recover when they feel like they are "trapped" and have no option to die, and others actually need something or someone to "push" them a bit, take away their access to the means.

In general, hospitals do help some people. If you know what you're signing up for and you think it can help you in some way, it's worth trying, I think. I don't know your exact situation and also the law and medical care standards where you live but I guess in most places, they should provide you with at least some basic care like just protecting you from hurting yourself and seeing a psychiatrist who will view you through the lens of a suicidal and depressed person. So if you know what you're signing up for, know the downsides but still think it can help you in some way - then maybe it is really a good idea to go for it. Like if it's the only way for you at this point to get help, and anything in you still wants to recover... It might be the "lesser evil".
Also you mentioned physical health issues and they would also be probably easier to deal with in a clinical setting
.
I do not know your exact family situation but, assuming you're a legal adult, is there really no way to keep your parents out of this? I mean sometimes it's better to just be honest and not hide things, but like I said I don't know your situation. If you worry about "worrying them".. well, I think they would be more devastated if one day you killed yourself and they wouldn't have known anything about your issues.

If you have some hope with ADHD medication, I'd say wait till you get it and see if it gets better. After all a week is not that much (though maybe it is for you in this situation, I don't know). Tbh at this point it's unlikely it will fix everything, but maybe it can get you to a point where it will be better for you to not go to the hospital. HOWEVER if you feel you will not make it through this week (or you will, but it will affect you badly) then do not wait.

It's quite common for suicidal people to be completely serious in their plans, and at the same time be scared of it and seeking help. Most people who kill themselves aren't "100% sure". So technically the doctors should take you seriously even if you admit yourself voluntarily. Also I think it might actually be good for you to try directly telling the professional that you feel like you're not heard and being taken seriously. Again, other people experience it too.

I'm glad you're considering getting any help, and good luck!