Venting sh'd again.

[livingdeaddyke]

I finally did it.

and for further background, I haven't self-harmed before until a few months ago somewhere in March, I gotten an x-acto knife and sliced my arms with it. this was my first time even cutting myself, and I have low pain tolerance, plus I was very squeamish with cutting, so it hurt a lot. I just wet the spot where I wanted to cut with water and did it. the few other times, I consumed a bit, and sometimes a little more disinfectant (or chemical solution or whatever).

that was months ago, ever since then, I've been having thoughts/urges to do it whenever I'm mad, upset, frustrated, etc.

Today, I was going through some shit and was pretty pissed, I wanted to use my pocketknife on my legs, but I'm way too intimidated by how sharp it was, so I opted to once again, drink chemical solution, I chugged some water so I can actually consume it without gagging. when I did it, the thoughts/urges just disappeared, they did it alot with the other times I did it, I feel the relief, feeling so much better when I do it.

 

[liquid jen]

Not recommending either obviously, but i imagine the cutting is much less harmful than drinking chemicals.

How does it feel?

 

[livingdeaddyke]

Not recommending either obviously, but i imagine the cutting is much less harmful than drinking chemicals.

How does it feel?

if you're asking about the cutting, i'm not really the best at it, but it was very surface level cuts, and i only done so when i felt the adrenaline rush or something like that, because it made the pain more bearable. im not really the bets at cutting if it wasn't obvious enough lol.

 

[liquid jen]

if you're asking about the cutting, i'm not really the best at it, but it was very surface level cuts, and i only done so when i felt the adrenaline rush or something like that, because it made the pain more bearable. im not really the bets at cutting if it wasn't obvious enough lol.

I meant the chemical drinking sorry for not being clear, I've never heard of anybody doing that for relief/sh.

 

[livingdeaddyke]

I meant the chemical drinking sorry for not being clear, I've never heard of anybody doing that for relief/sh.

oh, its okay. it was disinfectant wipes i squeezed into an empty water bottle. the taste is very bitter, and it does tingle your throat a bit, and like i said, i do chug some water to make it go down so i wouldn't gag.

 

[HangMan123]

what do you mean "consumed?"

 

[livingdeaddyke]

what do you mean "consumed?"

drinking.

 

[HangMan123]

drinking.

Like…drinking your blood or the disinfectant? ?

 

[livingdeaddyke]

Like…drinking your blood or the disinfectant? ?

the disinfectant lol.