.koocain
Member
- Aug 22, 2025
- 12
at first i used to think ppl who did selfharm were so foolish and how its such ameaningless coping mechanism,but i was wrong , first time i relapsed was when ky bf left me and i cut my arms a lilbit and then tge cuts woukd start stinging and burning and i just missed the feeling of actually feeling something, ever since he left me ive been numb thinking about him rn just makes me nauseous.
anyways days after i still selfharmed and some days i would just losecontrol and start cutting everywhere nonestop. then id wake up the next morning regretting what i did, i cant stop its addicting i promise myself everytime to not to it sgain but even when the smallest inconveniencehhappens i go straight to the blade. it used to be my arms obky but now i do on my thighs, also when my scars start to go away i always have the urge to reppen and cht them. idk whats wrong with me i just dont wabt to feel invalid or anything , i dont want to sound clichedbut im being so deadass i cant stop. ive been clean for about 2 weeks now bc im on holiday rn but ik holidays are wnding in like a week and my life is going to return back to normal, i just know i wont be able to stay clean. im so tired of this
anyways days after i still selfharmed and some days i would just losecontrol and start cutting everywhere nonestop. then id wake up the next morning regretting what i did, i cant stop its addicting i promise myself everytime to not to it sgain but even when the smallest inconveniencehhappens i go straight to the blade. it used to be my arms obky but now i do on my thighs, also when my scars start to go away i always have the urge to reppen and cht them. idk whats wrong with me i just dont wabt to feel invalid or anything , i dont want to sound clichedbut im being so deadass i cant stop. ive been clean for about 2 weeks now bc im on holiday rn but ik holidays are wnding in like a week and my life is going to return back to normal, i just know i wont be able to stay clean. im so tired of this
