Discussion Self medicating

[EmpressDean]

I've been depressed my whole life. I feel this seem emptiness and broken feeling for a long time. Idk if I'm bpd but I've definitely never been up or happy ever.
I find it so hard to talk to a psychiatrist because they will just send me to the er. I remember telling my last psych that I felt empty and broken and she just sent me to the er. I don't feel any joy in anything. I want to. But then I get tired and bored and I just want to lie down. I've never had a spark. Just a deep pain of self guilt and shame fueled my by older sister and dad speaking things into my head that I internalized.
I don't see a point in going back to a psych because whenever I try to recommend meds like a Vyvanse or like lexapro they denied me. It's like I can't get help. Shit at this point I want lithium because maybe I am bod since I'm so empty inside I feel nothing. I don't know.
Has anyone just self medicated and bought prescription meds like the one above anywhere anyhow?

 

[Jisatsu]

Sounds exactly like bpd... yeah I self medicate by self medicate I mean I get high and drunk often ... it's the only things that make the self hatred stop.

 

[EmpressDean]

Sounds exactly like bpd... yeah I self medicate by self medicate I mean I get high and drunk often ... it's the only things that make the self hatred stop.

Idk I only have the symptoms of emptiness and bad self image. I do feel a feeling of abandonment but I thought you needed 9 symptoms

 

[Daphne]

I've been depressed my whole life. I feel this seem emptiness and broken feeling for a long time. Idk if I'm bpd but I've definitely never been up or happy ever.
I find it so hard to talk to a psychiatrist because they will just send me to the er. I remember telling my last psych that I felt empty and broken and she just sent me to the er. I don't feel any joy in anything. I want to. But then I get tired and bored and I just want to lie down. I've never had a spark. Just a deep pain of self guilt and shame fueled my by older sister and dad speaking things into my head that I internalized.
I don't see a point in going back to a psych because whenever I try to recommend meds like a Vyvanse or like lexapro they denied me. It's like I can't get help. Shit at this point I want lithium because maybe I am bod since I'm so empty inside I feel nothing. I don't know.
Has anyone just self medicated and bought prescription meds like the one above anywhere anyhow?

Unreal they won't even prescribe an antidepressant, sorry.
I used St. John's Wort and it helped my mood. You can find it in the vitamin/supplement section of most stores if you're in the US. It's generally inexpensive. I'd still be on it but it interacts with another drug I'm on. Research it online first; its not for everyone.