See if this sounds normal

[rachmann]

I am going through depression. I feel like I don't wanna get better. Not that I like how this loneliness, sadness, despair feels, but I want to suffer more that I wouldn't even hesitate to kill myself. I am suicidal and have tried several times. But I ended up quitting, which kind of makes that I didn't even genuinely try to kill myself. I feel so stupid being afraid of death.

 

[mediocre]

You've just described my life story. Been through this same cycle for 15 years. I'm always here if you ever want to talk x

 

[glitterproof]

I feel like I don't wanna get better. Not that I like how this loneliness, sadness, despair feels, but I want to suffer more

This is extraordinarily normal. Depression is a pit that after a while we start digging for ourselves. We might feel that we're useless, that we deserve it, that we can't do anything right. Fighting against it is tiring and there's no one on this planet that can last forever, so in order to move in some direction we go against ourselves because that's the path of least resistance.

You've made it this far, you're strong. You're not stupid. I hope you can find your way someday, wherever that leads.

 

[bpdandme]

I feel the same, I find comfort in destruction because it's all I'm used to and I feel like I deserve it.

 

[Painless_end]

I am going through depression. I feel like I don't wanna get better. Not that I like how this loneliness, sadness, despair feels, but I want to suffer more that I wouldn't even hesitate to kill myself. I am suicidal and have tried several times. But I ended up quitting, which kind of makes that I didn't even genuinely try to kill myself. I feel so stupid being afraid of death.

Same. Felt suicidal urges but not able to actually do the act yet.

 

[lmroch]

I find comfort in destruction because it's all I'm used to and I feel like I deserve it.

​

 

[calendulo]

Everybody's afraid death.
It sounds perfectly normal. I do not understand why someone's stupid for that reason.
We are human beings.