Scared

[noname223]

I am scared to send my lecturers the mail that I quit their courses. I will to it tomorrow. Saturday was the plan. I am not sure about the wording whether I should name health or mental health issues.

A lot of my actions are influenced which decision is the best for dating. I think attending college courses would theoretically better. But I become more and more paranoid because of the stress. I start to think that every woman (in my age) who I talk to would be interested in me. I even had the feeling with a lecturer of mine.

There was a woman in a course who I seemingly impressed with my knowledge. I had the feeling she might be interested in me. Last time we spoke to each other. But that is probably paranoid. She does not know dick about me. Even if a woman was interested in me in one of my two courses they would not like the actual me. I had a conversation with her and she probaly has twice, or 3 times more courses than me. I am not actually impressive I am just really severely neurotic so that it is really paralyzing.

I am more interested in the woman from my self-help group. She just starts therapy. Do therapists often suggest to concentrate on oneself? I think this is quite common. I try not to get my hopes up. But I struggle with that. She looks like my dream girl.

In my emergency call with a friend we analyzed the situation. When I am in college I am in so much pain and under so much pressure that I hallucinate. I have love delusions and hope that a woman saves me from this hell. But witt so much pain I cannot think rationally. I am more delusional. So the long answer is quitting college is better (for my life expectancy I would try to ctb in a couple of months)) and probably better for dating. It is clearly the right choice health related.

 

[-Link-]

Are you "quitting"?

If you're leaving for health reasons, this is more along the lines of "leaving school to look after your health". The dictionary will tell you this qualifies as "quitting", but the term has negative connotations and it could be a disservice to yourself to frame this as such.

I've had to do the same thing before -- telling people (including professors) that I was leaving school. I don't recall the details about how I handled it, other than to say I "just got through it" despite all the anxiety...

But whatever you're worried about as far as writing those messages, one thing you can do is ask yourself questions that challenge those worries: For example, what's the worst that could happen if you tell them you've dropped their courses? What's the best case scenario? What's the most likely scenario? Even if your worst case scenario was to happen, would it actually be unbearable, or would you be able to withstand it? These types of questions can sometimes help lessen those worries.

Wishing you well in finding some calmness, my friend.

 

[noname223]

Are you "quitting"?

If you're leaving for health reasons, this is more along the lines of "leaving school to look after your health". The dictionary will tell you this qualifies as "quitting", but the term has negative connotations and it could be a disservice to yourself to frame this as such.

I've had to do the same thing before -- telling people (including professors) that I was leaving school. I don't recall the details about how I handled it, other than to say I "just got through it" despite all the anxiety...

But whatever you're worried about as far as writing those messages, one thing you can do is ask yourself questions that challenge those worries: For example, what's the worst that could happen if you tell them you've dropped their courses? What's the best case scenario? What's the most likely scenario? Even if your worst case scenario was to happen, would it actually be unbearable, or would you be able to withstand it? These types of questions can sometimes help lessen those worries.

Wishing you well in finding some calmness, my friend.

I simply could not handle the pain any longer. I would attempt in some months again otherwise.

It was not an easy decision but the right one. I described it in earlier threads.

I gonna quit college....I am so relieved

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/wtf-just-happpened.204755/ https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-am-5-weeks-into-college-and-the-consequences-are-devastating.205341/ https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/had-a-meltdown-towards-my-dad-i-think-i-gonna-quit-college.205476/ I drifted...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I am 5 weeks into college and the consequences are devastating...

I had a 1 year hiatus. I felt so much better. My suicidality decreased so much. I had some success in dating. Now I am attending college since 5 weeks again and my mental health deteriorated so much. I am making progress by handing in papers. (but I use AI) I already invested so much mental...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I read another member mention- is there any way to drop to doing the course part time? Thereby, giving you the positive of still being engaged in study- even if it's just to impress women but, hopefully having less stress?

I think it's fine to be honest with your tutor. No doubt, they will try to keep you. If they genuinely care about their students, they will value you academically and, value the experience college is giving you. Even if it's causing you problems. Plus, sorry to sound mercenary but, I get the impression most colleges want our money! But yeah, I imagine they may try to put up objection or concern. Maybe they'll offer you more support or allowances even. Would that help?

I guess you know yourself best. I understand the 'all or nothing' mentality to an extent. We have to judge ourselves whether we can even control how we go about things. You know that overwork and overstress causes you burnout and ideation. But then, if you truly can't do it any other way, it seems like the best decision to make to remove that stress.

Why are you worried about telling them? Because they may try to dissuade you quitting? Ultimately, they can't. Because you don't want to disappoint them or, let them down in some way?

If the main purpose is to meet women, could you consider a short course or, an evening course? One that doesn't require academic participation. There are surely lecture courses for adults that people attend purely because they are interested in the subject. Not to have to write essays or sit exams. I've definitely done courses and gone to subject talks that weren't then assessed.

 

[noname223]

I think I read another member mention- is there any way to drop to doing the course part time? Thereby, giving you the positive of still being engaged in study- even if it's just to impress women but, hopefully having less stress?

I think it's fine to be honest with your tutor. No doubt, they will try to keep you. If they genuinely care about their students, they will value you academically and, value the experience college is giving you. Even if it's causing you problems. Plus, sorry to sound mercenary but, I get the impression most colleges want our money! But yeah, I imagine they may try to put up objection or concern. Maybe they'll offer you more support or allowances even. Would that help?

I guess you know yourself best. I understand the 'all or nothing' mentality to an extent. We have to judge ourselves whether we can even control how we go about things. You know that overwork and overstress causes you burnout and ideation. But then, if you truly can't do it any other way, it seems like the best decision to make to remove that stress.

Why are you worried about telling them? Because they may try to dissuade you quitting? Ultimately, they can't. Because you don't want to disappoint them or, let them down in some way?

If the main purpose is to meet women, could you consider a short course or, an evening course? One that doesn't require academic participation. There are surely lecture courses for adults that people attend purely because they are interested in the subject. Not to have to write essays or sit exams. I've definitely done courses and gone to subject talks that weren't then assessed.

I am already doing part time college. But I am even too ill for that. My pathologies are so strong. All of them. I did my best. I barely make progress with college and my degree is far away while college wrecks my psyche. I sent the mail. I think I fear they try to dissuade me from leaving. Or that I disappoint them. Or that they pity me.

 

[Apathy79]

Do they check your ID when you enter the lecture halls?

I went to a bunch of lectures at my old Uni which I wasn't enrolled in. You could just walk in. No need for enrolment. But this was in the 90s and in Australia - not sure what it is like now / elsewhere.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I am already doing part time college. But I am even too ill for that. My pathologies are so strong. All of them. I did my best. I barely make progress with college and my degree is far away while college wrecks my psyche. I sent the mail. I think I fear they try to dissuade me from leaving. Or that I disappoint them. Or that they pity me.

They may try to offer alternatives. Especially if it's not obvious how much you have been struggling. It sounds as if you were scoring well on essays etc. but, they may not see the damage that caused.

You have to look after yourself first. I imagine they'd agree with that. I doubt they'd want to see all your continued efforts end with suicide. What would be the point of them then?

You won't be the first to leave or, the last. I'm sure it is disappointing for them. Especially when a student shows great promise. There again, they themselves may well realise that their own well being can't hinge on the success of their students. They may well have learnt to be professionally accepting of their students decisions. Some of your predecessors may well have graduated with firsts and ended up not using their skills at all. That has got to be kind of disappointing too. It's just the reality I imagine for a teacher.

With regards to pity, is that so bad? It is a pity when someone's own 'demons' trip them up.

Ultimately though, whatever they say or offer, you know yourself the best. It's kind of nice when people try to hold on to you. It shows they value you. Companies I've quit have sometimes tried to negotiate a compromise. I've appreciated their effort but, still had the feeling that even a compromise wouldn't work out ultimately. Other companies haven't bothered to try and stop me at all. It's hard to judge how they will react. Hopefully, they will be understanding or, matter of fact or, whatever you're hoping for.