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alivebutnotliving

alivebutnotliving

“The suffering said we go around”
Dec 16, 2024
34
Huge trigger warning for themes of r*pe and sa


I broke up with my ex not long ago due to my mental health. Going into the relationship I was stable, but life happens and I had to end it.
He treated me great throughout the relationship, so that's why this situation is even more jarring than it already was. It's also why I chose to end things at my home while I was alone, I simply didn't expect what he did.

When I confessed the need for a break up, he understood. Did not try to offer solutions, and agreed that this would be the best thing for me. Near the end, he simply asked to kiss me one last time. I agreed to this, because I felt it was appropriate. TW . I cannot remember much because of how shocked I was but when I pulled away, he forcefully pinned me down and removed my clothes without consent. Honestly, I was too in shock to fight him. I'm 5 foot, and him 6 foot. I was alone and scared. He then raped me, without using protection. I'm not on birth control. He kept choking me, saying he did not care if I passed out and would continue even if I did. I don't know how long it went on, but I estimate it was around 3 hours. All I wanted was him out of my home. He left eventually, and I still haven't really processed anything. I have that feeling of guilt, as if I could've stopped it. I don't know.
 
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Reactions: 22yearsbroken, Forever Sleep, Carrot and 5 others
happysunnydayy

happysunnydayy

CPTSD
Mar 18, 2025
86
I'm so sorry you've went through something so horrible. How are you feeling now?

It's so shocking he treated you so well throughout the entire relationship. Was there any red flags before ?
 
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thr0waway12345

thr0waway12345

Member
Mar 22, 2023
45
please get a pregnancy test just in case, try to catch it as soon as possible so you can abort if you need to/wish to. unfortunately predatory men can be very good at hiding their true nature till last minute , none of this is your fault. is he on your lease? what things do you share between him? does he have access to your bank accounts? if he has anything of yours try to get a strong friend or two to come with you to get those items. change all your passwords. you can of course try to report it but it's completely understandable if you can't/don't want to.
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
12,210
That's a terrifying thing to have experienced. Most especially from someone you trusted. Don't blame yourself at all though. Giving consent for a kiss isn't giving consent for sex. Plus, he was acting in a violent manner. It's reasonable you would have been afraid for your life. I suspect you were too afraid and in shock to really put up a fight.

He deserves to be prosecuted for rape but, I could also understand why you wouldn't want to go through all that. It just sickens me that people treat each other like this. Are you close to your family or friends? Have you told them? You need support at a time like this.
 
bankai

bankai

Enlightened
Mar 16, 2025
1,830
The hell.that's a crime. Don't let him get away.Also talk to someone. I know you're struggling to process this right now. I can't even imagine.
 

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