Sleeper System
Z z Z z Z z Z z Z z Z
- May 5, 2022
- 936
I'm frightened by the idea that my life as it is now at this very moment is the most peaceful time i'll ever have in my life.
I'm ungrateful for a lot of things and I know that.
It's hard to appreciate anything when you feel depressed.
I realize that I have less problems than most people I know when it comes to life burdens. At least for now. I work and pay bills but that's automatic for an adult. The flip side is I don't have any relationships driving me insane or children to constantly worry about. My life is pretty much drama free but at the same time very empty and unfulfilling. I have too much time to lay in bed and dread my life, future, and existence in general. I don't feel financially secure and I don't think i'll ever actually be okay.
I only really have my mom and brother on my mind as far as people I might have to disrupt my life for and that alone gives me next level anxiety. I'm fucking worthless and deserve everything coming to me for not being a better son and brother. How do people live like this? All this uncertainty is crippling to me. I just want to be ok.
Getting through this month was hard man. Really tough.
I was so close to giving up many times. I still might. I just feel like I need a reset. Maybe next month I can recover.
I'm ungrateful for a lot of things and I know that.
It's hard to appreciate anything when you feel depressed.
I realize that I have less problems than most people I know when it comes to life burdens. At least for now. I work and pay bills but that's automatic for an adult. The flip side is I don't have any relationships driving me insane or children to constantly worry about. My life is pretty much drama free but at the same time very empty and unfulfilling. I have too much time to lay in bed and dread my life, future, and existence in general. I don't feel financially secure and I don't think i'll ever actually be okay.
I only really have my mom and brother on my mind as far as people I might have to disrupt my life for and that alone gives me next level anxiety. I'm fucking worthless and deserve everything coming to me for not being a better son and brother. How do people live like this? All this uncertainty is crippling to me. I just want to be ok.
Getting through this month was hard man. Really tough.
I was so close to giving up many times. I still might. I just feel like I need a reset. Maybe next month I can recover.
