It's pathetic knowing how many times I have failed with taking my life in the last few weeks. At least 3 times a day, for the last month, I have failed. Don't get me wrong, I have come close. Yet I always chicken out. I have back up plans for my back up plan. Yet I always bail. I'm guessing it's due to me being stone cold sober every time I attempt. I want out of this world. I want this pain and suffering to be over. I know there's zero chances of my life getting better. Why is following through with my choice to ctb so ridiculously difficult to do? I am an embarrassment. I feel more of a coward for not following through. I hate myself even more for knowing how many times I have failed. I don't want to fail anymore.
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I am so sorry for the pain you are suffering. As a fellow ctb attempt failure. I know how hard it can be. But it's quite natural that our SI kicks in at the last moment. And please, you are not a coward, it is difficult getting over our natural self-preservation mechanism.
orvreader
Member
- Dec 26, 2025
- 71
Don't think yourself a coward for your inherent survival instincts; it's only natural that living beings instinctually try to preserve themselves; it's just that nature hadn't kept up with modern-day problems, so it just does to us what it did for our ancestors.I seriously wonder how people that have been successful with ctb overcame their si and followed through with their decision. Thats a type if bravery I seem to lack.Similar threads
