garbagekan
Member
- May 5, 2023
- 64
tw sh
sry this is rlly venty
its hard to remember how long ive been clean but i think it was a few months. i wasnt really trying to stay clean i guess it just happened cause i was so busy but now i just want to die more than ever. i went to new york in january so i just tried to stay alive til then. it was like my last attempt at trying my best to want to be alive but in the end it just felt like i was lying all the time and nothing changed.
my art will never look like how i want and i play instruments im not improving in at all even though i practice both all the time. but now i havent been able to get out of my bed. i went to go brush my teeth because i havent been able to in forever i felt so disgusting i had to relapse. the one time i was home alone i wasnt able to die and ill probably have to wait till next week now. theres so many things im supposed to be doing and i just cant. i never wanted to do this all i want to do is die now. cutting again was the only thing that made me feel a little relieved after all my attempts. i really hope i can die soon i really cant take it anymore
sry this is rlly venty
its hard to remember how long ive been clean but i think it was a few months. i wasnt really trying to stay clean i guess it just happened cause i was so busy but now i just want to die more than ever. i went to new york in january so i just tried to stay alive til then. it was like my last attempt at trying my best to want to be alive but in the end it just felt like i was lying all the time and nothing changed.
my art will never look like how i want and i play instruments im not improving in at all even though i practice both all the time. but now i havent been able to get out of my bed. i went to go brush my teeth because i havent been able to in forever i felt so disgusting i had to relapse. the one time i was home alone i wasnt able to die and ill probably have to wait till next week now. theres so many things im supposed to be doing and i just cant. i never wanted to do this all i want to do is die now. cutting again was the only thing that made me feel a little relieved after all my attempts. i really hope i can die soon i really cant take it anymore
