Venting Random vent

[Tabbyql]

As well as everything else I have to deal with, my bf of 5 years as an ex who had kids with him. Constantly gets in the way of everything, we can't do anything as a couple together without her permission. They constantly argue in front of me on the phone.(even though I've told bf it triggers panic attacks). And tonight my name was constantly dragged into the argument. About her wanting my bf to have the kids over Xmas and new years. He's working all the way through and so she wants me to look after them. I seriously had a panic attack and was going to stab my self in the stomache. I had to run out the house and stay out a couple hours. I can't live in this environment but I have no choice. My last few weeks of life is just going to continue to be hell. Sorry for the rant just needed to let it out.

 

[HitchHiker]

You shouldn't be expected to look after their kids. And if you don't want to you have every right to say no.

Sounds like your bf needs to have minimum contact with his ex and start to have more respect for you and your relationship.

Noway should an ex have ANY say in how you live your lives. Whether they have kids together or not.

Sending hugs

 

[Tabbyql]

You shouldn't be expected to look after their kids. And if you don't want to you have every right to say no.

Sounds like your bf needs to have minimum contact with his ex and start to have more respect for you and your relationship.

Noway should an ex have ANY say in how you live your lives. Whether they have kids together or not.

Sending hugs

Thank you that means alot, I'm not a very strong person so don't do confrontation. I have brought up that it upsets me. But he just shrugged it off. Thanks for your nice reply.

 

[HitchHiker]

It doesn't sound like you are being treated fairly. You deserve better.

And it doesn't sound like his ex will change if she hasn't done by now. After 5 years of that I'd be walking away from him.

Easier said than done I know but that kinda stuff will ruin you and your self esteem.

 

[pole]

As well as everything else I have to deal with, my bf of 5 years as an ex who had kids with him. Constantly gets in the way of everything, we can't do anything as a couple together without her permission. They constantly argue in front of me on the phone.(even though I've told bf it triggers panic attacks). And tonight my name was constantly dragged into the argument. About her wanting my bf to have the kids over Xmas and new years. He's working all the way through and so she wants me to look after them. I seriously had a panic attack and was going to stab my self in the stomache. I had to run out the house and stay out a couple hours. I can't live in this environment but I have no choice. My last few weeks of life is just going to continue to be hell. Sorry for the rant just needed to let it out.

i definitely think you should have a choice in wanting to be in that environment. it sounds like that environments extremely negative as well as the relationship between 2 other people, which is sadly impacting you. id try and get away from that environment, or distance myself when you're bf and his ex are talking and what not. As well as MAKE IT 100 PERCENT CLEAR to ur bf that its bothering and affecting you to this extent; make him understand how much you're being affected.

 

[Tabbyql]

i definitely think you should have a choice in wanting to be in that environment. it sounds like that environments extremely negative as well as the relationship between 2 other people, which is sadly impacting you. id try and get away from that environment, or distance myself when you're bf and his ex are talking and what not. As well as MAKE IT 100 PERCENT CLEAR to ur bf that its bothering and affecting you to this extent; make him understand how much you're being affected.

Thank you. I have screamed, cried and left for hours, I've made it 100% clear. He promised he would keep me out of it. Hes even turned it round on me saying he as to be stuck in the middle and be my carer. There is no care. Ive known long time I need to get out, but when your skint and so messed up there is no way to get out. And with me wanting to end it I've just put up with it as I won't be around much longer. Sorry if I sound whiney.

i definitely think you should have a choice in wanting to be in that environment. it sounds like that environments extremely negative as well as the relationship between 2 other people, which is sadly impacting you. id try and get away from that environment, or distance myself when you're bf and his ex are talking and what not. As well as MAKE IT 100 PERCENT CLEAR to ur bf that its bothering and affecting you to this extent; make him understand how much you're being affected.

I've tried but thank you so much for taking time to read n reply.

 

[HitchHiker]

You don't sound whiney, you sound like someone who needs help and support that you're not getting. Do you have any family?

 

[pole]

Thank you. I have screamed, cried and left for hours, I've made it 100% clear. He promised he would keep me out of it. Hes even turned it round on me saying he as to be stuck in the middle and be my carer. There is no care. Ive known long time I need to get out, but when your skint and so messed up there is no way to get out. And with me wanting to end it I've just put up with it as I won't be around much longer. Sorry if I sound whiney.

I've tried but thank you so much for taking time to read n reply.

Yeah you definitely don't have to apologize for letting what you feel out, i mean, theres only so much someone can handle, let alone hold in. as the user above me stated, id 100000 percent try and get out and away from that environment and maybe crash with some type of family to see if theres a turnaround and change. being in a negative environment for so long is inevitably gonna literally make you go insane, i couldnt imagine staying there with all of that; so i clearly understand why its affecting you so much.

 

[azucaramargo]

You shouldn't be expected to look after their kids. And if you don't want to you have every right to say no.

Sounds like your bf needs to have minimum contact with his ex and start to have more respect for you and your relationship.

Noway should an ex have ANY say in how you live your lives. Whether they have kids together or not.

Sending hugs

Amen, HitchHiker!

 

[azucaramargo]

You don't sound whiney, you sound like someone who needs help and support that you're not getting. Do you have any family?

HitchHiker, you're such a supportive, empathetic MoFo. Good for you . Keep that up.

 

[HitchHiker]

HitchHiker, you're such a supportive, empathetic MoFo. Good for you . Keep that up.

Hey thanks :)

 

[Donewith_]

Yes. Its better to get out of that environment..or somehow to make it stop. It completely messes you up mentally..you said that you are not ok with it..and tried very hard to make him know that. And that kind of environment is not good for the kids either .

Its better to sort this problem first.. coz some uncontrollable problems like this go a long way resulting in more negative things. Its better to do it..before more other complicated problems gets added up to this.. and makes you feel you are completely buried underneath them.it definitely doesn't look healthy without a second thought.. and as you said it seems like.. you are not standing up for yourself and allowing yourself to face all that whats going on.

I have the same problem.. i can't stand up for myself sometimes..be it lack of confidence or feeling of unworthiness i dont know.

But, when you are facing abuse..you can not clearly realise the wrong thing thats going on. Once you are out of it..with a clear mind..Thats when it shocks you that it was clearly abuse.

I saw a woman in real life.. she faced abuse for decades..i mean decades. And did not try to solve it. She just thought everything is going fine at that time..things are very messed up there and her kids are messed up too. He is narcissistic , highly manipulative. I am not trying to make you feel guilty by saying this. But, if you dont solve problems.. they turn out very bad that you can't correct them anymore.. and it ruins lives.

If you alone can't confront him..take someone's help.. but if this is the only problem.. may be its better to find ways to solve it. You can take help from a therpaist or counselor(marriage counselor too if thats a thing there). First share it with any of your family or friends who have known you from a long time..and its better to take help from outside.

 

[azucaramargo]

I am not trying to make you feel guilty by saying this. But, if you dont solve problems.. they turn out very bad that you can't correct them anymore.. and it ruins lives

This is some good sh¡t. Very true!

 

[Tabbyql]

Thank you all of you, for your kind words and advice. Means alot.