You see and I'm only afraid that I would find the one cop lmao when I just want to die

shit or even if I wanted to find something to help make it bearable and try and even continue living. But for real life just sucks for some people I really believe, and there are some of us that really WOULD run into a cop or get robbed. Why is the world like this.
Gosh I was so miserable in my youth, and part of what led to my downfall was being overprescribed and drugged by doctors/family (abuse/control situation). I would not choose to relive this life whatsoever under any circumstances, but I WOULD go back to when I hand endless benzo/opiate/z-drug prescriptions 24/7 and just make better use. Or start hoarding lol. I could've hoarded like 500 xanax in like 2 months at 13 lol

it's not even funny. Like I don't even think Ambien is something reliable to OD on— but even THAT alone I just calculated I could have hoarded 1650 ambien a year with the amount I was getting also at 13 lmao.
Then tne opiates I was given not as much of but that also def adds up. Sorry I must be manically thinking because I don't know why I'm thinking this lmfao. Just ruminating ig.
I can't sleep anymore because I don't get that quantity of pills lol and my tolerance is forever ruined, nothing helps. I took 600mg edibles I've still been up for 5 days. This is a tired ramble, my bad.