I am suffering from protracted withdrawal syndrome from an improper taper of antidepressants. I have been suffering relentlessly for the past 5 months and only getting worse. This could last for years. I can't do it anymore. I've mostly been confined to my room because of intense anxiety and panic attacks but if I take enough benzos I think I could make it to a local hotel. It's over 300ft in height 104 meters. I could book a room for the top floor that has a balcony. It's over pavement. Do you think if I jumped it would be instant death? I don't know how I'd get the positioning right to go head first but I'm hoping any impact that isn't feet first would result in immediate death. I believe the hotel is 22 storeys.
Dr.Duck
Confused
- Nov 29, 2025
- 69
I'm speaking out of my ass but I think if you did it like a belly flop and drop your head. It would make contact first. Hope that is right and is useful.
I also suffer from this and made it more complicated by getting forced onto anti psychotics. If you are completely off the drugs, there's a chance you can recover, but I also understand if you are past that point. Which drug(s) did this to you?
The drug that did this to me was Cymbalta. Was one week cross tapered from Cymbalta to Lexapro but was having adverse effects/withdrawal from too quick changeover. Stop Lexapro cold turkey after 6 week use at the ok of my nurse practitioner because I'd only been on it for a short time. Had a honeymoon phase of a few weeks. Started getting crazy symptoms of the worst anxiety, panic, dread I've ever experienced in my life. Also insomnia and loss of appetite. Didn't know what the hell was happening to me. Assumed it was absence of drugs but didn't know about protracted and reinstatement at the time. Went back to clueless NP and she put me on Zoloft where I kindled. Finally got into see my psychiatrist 3 months after completely stopping Cymbalta (which is a drug brutal for protracted withdrawal and needs to be tapered carefully over years) and he tried to reinstate at full dose but nervous system was too destabilized it didn't take. Tried to tolerate it for a month. Was doing so poorly got myself hospitalized for 3 weeks and polydrugged. Now in an even worse spot put on benzos, z-drugs and Pregabalin. I lost my ability to swallow solid foods so lost 70 lbs in 5 months. Anhedonia, Depression, SI. You name it. Confined to my room all day. Miserable existence. Sorry for the long rant. How long have you been in protracted and which drug injured you? What antipsychotic are you on?
Yes it didn't work. Too late for it.
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That's insane!! You've been through so much with these drugs, can't believe you lost the ability to swallow, like wtf? Rant all you want, you deserve to, what a hellish experience! What did the kindling feel like for you?
I was damaged by Effexor. Got protracted withdrawal a couple months after stopping it and of course no doctors believed me, they thought it was my original "illness," except I never felt that horrible in my life and I had such bizarre bodily symptoms that didnt mske any sense. I fucked myself up worse by attempting to reinstate which I learned about in a forum, where I listened to the worst advice instead of the good. Reinstating fucked my ears up and that sent me into a spiral. Tried a supplement to help with my mood and I believe I was "kindled" by that. I got horrible shaking/Akathisia like symptoms, insomnia and ended up in hospital. The managed to control it with propranolol and klonopin but didnt prescribe me anything upon discharge. The horrible shaking came back and i made a suicidal gesture, my mom called the cops on me and I was thrown back into hospital and forced onto risperidone. After tapering risperidone and then re upping the risperidone I had a bad reaction and ended up hospitalized for the third time where they put me on seroquel. I have so much regret and hate for myself because I cojld have prevented all of this if I never reinstated or took the supplement.
The kindling felt like I was plugged into an electrical socket. I guess it was akathisia. I just couldn't relax. I had to keep moving constantly. Insomnia. Loss of appetite. I knew something wasn't right but my doctor kept telling me to wait it out and it would get better and we kept increasing the dosage of the Zoloft which was making me worse. I literally did everything wrong in this situation. Which forum did you learn about reinstatement on? Was it surviving antidepressants? Did reinstate at a low dose? How long were you on Effexor? Did you CT or taper? Are you still in protracted? Sorry for all the questions. I heard Effexor and Cymbalta are the two worst antidepressants for causing protracted withdrawal. I'll regret the decisions I made that led me here for as long as I'm alive. It was all so preventable.
I did everything wrong too!! And I will also always regret these decisions til the day I die. It's so horrible!!! And it was so preventable as you said. I made the wrong choice every time and the brain is not forgiving. How you describe kindling is exactly how I felt after taking the supplement and tapering and upping the risperidone. I made so many terrible mistakes!
Yes, the forum was survivingantidepressants, I got assigned the worst mod and sctuslly had some well meaning people tell me to just wait it out but I didn't listen. I reinstated like the mod suggested and it caused a crazy pressure change in my ear canal and made it pop each time I swallowed. It continues today but I'm more distracted by how horrible I feel thanks to the antipsychotics. My provider "tapered" me off the Effexor but it was the wrong way as none of these doctors realize the dangers of these drugs.
Ask as many questions as you want. I have no life or functioning outside my phone and video games now. I have a daughter but I can barely care for her because of this condition. Idk if I'm still in protracted from Effexor or if it's all hellish side effects from the anti psychotics. But I know if my brain hadnt been hypersensitized because of Effexor withdrawal , I would be able to taper safely. I don't feel I can do that now. Like it's just been too many blows for my brain. I wish so badly to be able to get off these horrible drugs but I feel kindled when I taper, which leads to more drugs.
How is Pregabalin working for you? I'm also on a Benzo but considering adding Pregabalin for the anxiety that still persists and for if I try tapering. I just feel so fucked over and one more wrong move I'm just gonna go off and die because these feelings are so awful and no one understands!! Sorry for blabbing so much.
That's ok. It helps to hear others stories and that you're not alone. How long were you on Effexor and how long was your taper? I don't know if Pregabalin is doing much. I just know it's another med I'll eventually have to taper off of so I'm mad I was put on it. I'm also on clonazepam and Zoplicone for sleep which will eventually screw me over when I reach tolerance. Which benzo are you on? Do you take it daily? I take 0.5mg clonazepam twice a day. How long have you been in protracted? It's probably the worst thing anyone could go through. No one can understand the mental anguish. I feel like I'm dead inside. Like the pleasure centre of my brain is just shut down. It makes it even harder with the holidays coming up. I also wish I could taper these drugs but my nervous system is too destabilized. It would just make my symptoms worse. Big pharma should be sued for this shit and the lives they ruined. And the doctors carelessly prescribing these potent meds with no idea how to safely take people off of them.
I was on Effexor for a few years, not sure how many. I was tapered from 150 to 75 to 37.5 to 37.5 every other day in the span of about 6 months maybe? I feel like my memory is shot so I could be wrong. But the protracted symptoms started up about a year ago . I had stopped the drug at the end of July and then it really hit me around January, like all my body systems were affected. It was so bizarre and no one knew what was wrong. By the time I figured it out it was technically too late for reinstatement and I should have just stayed the course but I was so obsessive about it and I was given bad advice on the survivingantidepressants forum ;(.
I'm mad about all these meds I was put on too, they've ruined my chances of a recovery and I try explaining this to people but theh don't get it. I'm also on clonazepam 0.25 mg once a night but I take it during the day sometimes too. It's definitely losing its effectiveness, especially now with the seroquel. I totally agree with all your statements , this is the worst thing that could happen to our brain having it be so hypersensitized. I desperately want off the seroquel as it's made my anxiety so much worse but I know it'll also make me worse to taper it so I feel stuck.. there's no way out ;(. I'm so sick of people telling me I can heal bexause they watched a video of someone else veing able to heal, my situation is far more complex and those people are OFF all drugs, I am not! It's so frustrating!! Just let me go slready, people!!
compulsoryaliveness
Member
- Oct 6, 2024
- 56
I just want to check yous are looped into Mad In America? Started with news articles but now has a Spotify podcast with massive amount of episodes. Heaps of them are positive experiences (even if during is horrific) of getting off meds.
For anyone who thinks going off meds might make them wanna live, even a little bit, or anyone who is going through withdrawals, etc please check it out
Here's an example, but if you don't vibe with it there's heaps of other experiences on the podcast
Also tbh if you still don't wanna live but you have a "in the meantime," highly recommend mad in America, not to stop you from CTB, but to make the meantime less fucked up and lonely
For anyone who thinks going off meds might make them wanna live, even a little bit, or anyone who is going through withdrawals, etc please check it out
Here's an example, but if you don't vibe with it there's heaps of other experiences on the podcast
Also tbh if you still don't wanna live but you have a "in the meantime," highly recommend mad in America, not to stop you from CTB, but to make the meantime less fucked up and lonely
I know. I worry I won't heal because I'm still on psychotropic drugs but like you said our nervous system is so destabilized we can't just taper of them. It would only make things worse. What are your worst symptoms? Are you able to sleep at least? I feel like the Zoplicone is already losing its effectiveness because I'm at such a high dose and have been taking it nightly for 2.5 months now. Another drug I'll be stuck on but will be useless to me. It's so upsetting. It's sad you still ended up in protracted despite doing a 6 month taper. Yeah, there are a lot of things I wish I didn't do that just made my condition worse but I didn't know any better.
Thanks for the resource. I'll look into it. Listened to a little bit of the episode you linked and sounded like this guy was smart and tapered so not doing too bad. It's too late for me unfortunately.
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I get some sleep but it's only gotten worse since the seroquel which is ironic as they wanted me on it to "help" with the sleep. It's so terrible. I can't sleep past 7 and i have issues falling asleep, my brain is just so busted. I know if I try tapering it'll make my sleep even worse plus give me the uncontrollable Akathisia again. I just can't handle it. People tell me to push through it, they have no freakin clue how horrific it is. It has to be bad or I wouldn't be suicidal..people are so stupid but desperate for me to live I guess.
My worst symptoms are the exhaustion, constant anxiety, anhedonia, and just this discomfort I feel all the time that I can't quite put into words. It's like nails on a chalkboard feeling, idk. Not sure if it's very mild Akathisia or what but it's this unrest and discomfort in my body. What are your worst symptoms?
The taper seems long but the drops I made were too big according to the few psychiatrists actually researching withdrawal. And if I were to taper the seroquel and risperidone I won't be able to do it in micro doses..just so screwed. I don't even want to mess with anything until I'm ready to die . Have a feeling once I start tapering I'll have to ctb, the feelings are just too much and they don't just "go away." People really don't understand, it's exhausting trying to get them to.
Yeah I feel pretty much the same way as you. There is no way I could survive tapering these meds in the condition I'm in and then we're stuck on meds that aren't helping and probably hindering the healing process because I keep hearing from the communities you shouldn't be on any other meds during withdrawal. My worst symptoms are similar to yours but also the inability to swallow, anhedonia is probably one of the worst symptoms, suicidal, depressed, anxious. I'm pretty much housebound too. I'm useless. I get panic attacks trying to go anywhere and I can no longer drive. I depend on my parents for everything now. It's pathetic. Are you also housebound? How old are you? I'm 39 and have been on antidepressants since I was 16 so I don't know if that will also affect how long this will last for me. If you were only on the Effexor for a few years and that's it's you might heal faster.
Are you able to consume any calories with the swallowing problem? I'm sorry that you can't drive anymore and are housebound. I can't heal because I'm on these drugs which are even worse. I really screwed myself up that's why I want to die. Or not want to, need to. I want to live but these feelings are rotting me from the inside out. Losing me will a huge loss to my loved ones and I feel so guilty ;(. The anxiety is the worst, I can't handle it.
I can still drive and leave the house but it's very taxing and I get severe anxiety , so I end up having to take a klonopin even though it doesn't seem like it's working as much anymore :(. I'm 36 and depend on my mom for everything, I can't work in this condition and I feel horribly embarrassed because of it. I want to die before she does. But I have a child and I feel so fucking awful. She deserves so much better , I know I'll ruin her but I can't take much more of this.
Before Effexor, I was on Prozac on and off. The on and off is probably what led me to this mess and the fact that I've been drugged since I was a teenager like you. It's so fucked up that this has happened to us!!
Having a daughter going through this must be so hard. I can't imagine having to worry about caring for another human being in this state. Also it would make the decision to leave this world even harder. How old is she?
I am able to get some calories in with the meal replacement drinks and sometimes I can choke down some cereal, cottage cheese or a smoothie but anything that's not basically pure liquid is difficult and takes me forever to eat. I've basically been starving for weeks.
It really is so unfair we landed in this situation. I can't think of anything worse. I never thought I'd be in a place where I felt suicide was my only option. I just wish I would die in my sleep. Every morning I wake up and I'm back in this living hell. I just spend my days reading horror stories of people suffering with protracted for years and since I've discovered this site just looking for methods. A lot of them require a lot of prep and equipment. Since I can't even leave my house that's out of the question. If I was in the States I could at least access a gun but I'm in Canada. I just want instant lights out. That's why I've considered jumping. I'd just hate for something to go wrong and end up paralyzed and in an even worse situation. I wish we could just be put down peacefully. Medically assisted dying. We have that in Canada but not for mental health unfortunately. And I'm sure the process to get approved would be gruelling and take months or years. There is just no easy solution. I feel so robbed of my life. It didn't have to be like this.
That's so awful that you can't even eat. It's like you've been viciously aged by decades. I never thought I'd end up with suicide being my only option either, it's so fucking cruel. It's a bitter curse to suffer. I'm convinced that there are supernatural beings cursing us because it's so unbearably wicked.
I'm in the United States but can't access any guns as I live in a blue state and have been imprisoned in a psych ward thanks to my mom calling the cops on me when I was having a suicidal episode. I keep thinking that if she hadn't done that then I never would have been forced on risperidone and put on this death track. I wish I could get a gun, something so instant. I've thought of jumping too and Sn, but of course terrified of suffering and the afterlife.
I feel you so much with being robbed and that it didn't have to be like this. So many other choices could have been made to avoid this hellhole of bodily suffering. I just wish to sleep and never wake up too. I'm so sorry you're suffering like this as well, it sounds like you got it really bad. Medical people need to be made aware of the dangers of these drugs. But they deny it and blame it on our "existing condition."! It's disgusting, they are criminals.
My daughter is only 11, it is the most painful thing to see how sweet and innocent she is and how my death will destroy her. It didn't need to be like this!! I could have made better choices and just stsyed away from all substances but I didn't. I tried reinstating and then I tried a supplement that sent me on the suicidal path. I'm such a fucking fool.
Yeah, I'm lucky I was fat before all this or I'd be a skeleton. I've lost 70 lbs in 5 months. Would rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable. One of the reasons I wanted off the meds was because of weight gain and I got my wish but at the cost of my goddamn life.
I can see how we are much in the same boat. I think pretty much anyone who is going through the hell of protracted withdrawal feels this kind of grief and regret for the life they unknowingly threw away. It's not your fault though. You did a long taper that your doctor put you on. So many people in protracted ended up there because of improper tapering guided by their doctors/psychiatrist. That's why they all need to learn about hyperbolic tapering and protracted withdrawal. It's amazing how few health professionals have never heard of it or won't even acknowledge it's a thing.
You're right. This is so cruel it almost feels like some supernatural curse was put on us. Just wish it could be reversed.
My parents kind of forced me to the hospital too because of how poorly I was doing and the insomnia. I told them they would just make it worse by prescribing me more shit and I was right. I get they did it out of concern but they know now that wasn't the right decision with how I got polydrugged and doing so much worse. There are so many moments I keep rehashing if I just did this one thing different I could've saved myself from this suffering. That's the part that kills me. I know you feel the same way.
I have an 11 year old niece I'll be leaving behind when I CBT. Obviously not the same as having a daughter. You know the suffering is great when you can leave behind loved ones knowing how it will ruin them but my suffering is so at the forefront I'd still do it anyway knowing it would destroy their lives. I know it's selfish but the suffering is too much for anyone to bear. Especially for these god awful lengths of time. I'm sorry you can't get a gun because if you do it the right way it would be instant and painless. It would be my choice if I had access. Which state do you live in?
It's awful to finally get the weight loss you wanted but at such a steep price, like you said. I lost a shit ton of weight too but am gaining it back thanks to the seroquel. Anti psychotics are such nasty drugs. I'd rather be fat too. I wish I never got off Effexor. Even though it made me angry at least I wasn't walking on the edge of death.
Parts of it are my fault though and that's what eats me up the most. I chose to try reinstating in a dodgy way ruining my ears, and I chose to try a sketchy supplement that felt like it electrocuted me. My choices got me back in the grasp of psychiatry. I hate myself so much for it. They wouldn't listen or believe me when i told them more drugs would hurt me, they thought I was crazy. It was so traumatizing. I wish I could hurt those doctors honestly. I really do, mske them feel some pain for destroying my life and my daughter's.
Sorry your parents forced you into the hospital, they really didn't know what they were doing. It's so hard to see it from their perspective that they just wanted to help but their help has made us so much worse and closer to death. A part of me wants to scream at my mom, it's tainted my relationship with her. But I also don't want to leave her with so much guilt when I'm dead. It's so hard.
I'm sorry for your niece, and I totally understand where you're coming from with everything. As much as we love them , the suffering is just too much and it's so inhumane that we have to suffer like this. What are your thoughts on the afterlife? I live in Connecticut, whereabouts in Canada do you live?
Yeah I wish I never had the discussion with my nurse practitioner about changing meds. It wasn't even the reason I went to see her. It was a one off comment about thinking I might have PMDD and then she switched me to Lexapro and that's where it all went wrong. Cymbalta wasn't doing much for me at that point but I'd still 1 million times would rather go back to the way I felt then compared to now. I have so much hate and regret for myself too for the decisions I made that unknowingly led me to this hell.
I live in Ontario, Canada. Honestly it would be so much easier if I could just get a gun. I saw a thread on here of the best methods of shooting yourself to ensure instant death. I think I read one of your comments saying you manage to get your hands on SN? Is this true? I don't know if I believe in an afterlife. I think we just cease to exist. I'd like to believe that we are reunited with loved ones but I don't believe in heaven or hell like I did when I was young. What are your thoughts on it?
Did she taper you at all or just cold switched you? These doctors are so reckless and these chemicals are so damn dangerous!! It's not your fault and I'm so sorry it happened to you. I was so eager to get off Effexor but I wish so badly that I never rocked the boat especially this hard. Just so many stupid, horrific mistakes that have sentenced me to death.
Gun would be such a preferable method. Better than having to fast for hours and tske weird meds and drive out somewhere and drink Sn . Couldn't do it at home to be found by family members. But of course doing it out in public will make me a spectacle . Screwed in every way.
I'm not entirely sure about the afterlife but I've been reading a lot of things on the mediums subreddit and they seem to think there is something there. They say there is a life review where we see how we've impacted others. The worst part is having to face how my decision will affect my loved ones, especially my daughter ;(. They also say there is love on the other side so that's good. Still terrified though.
Gun would be such a preferable method. Better than having to fast for hours and tske weird meds and drive out somewhere and drink Sn . Couldn't do it at home to be found by family members. But of course doing it out in public will make me a spectacle . Screwed in every way.
I'm not entirely sure about the afterlife but I've been reading a lot of things on the mediums subreddit and they seem to think there is something there. They say there is a life review where we see how we've impacted others. The worst part is having to face how my decision will affect my loved ones, especially my daughter ;(. They also say there is love on the other side so that's good. Still terrified though.
Slark
Student
- Apr 30, 2023
- 166
I think I also had problems with prolonged withdrawal syndrome. In my case, I used benzodiazepines for years and stopped abruptly. This caused several anxiety symptoms in me, and worse, very severe insomnia that lasted for years, and even today I can only sleep using a very strong medication. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Yeah she basically cold switched me. One week cross taper from Cymbalta to Lexapro. She said that's what it said to do in the guidelines. I'll regret the decisions that lead me here until the day I die. This life isn't worth living and I won't suffer like this for years. Just have to find the courage. It's not an easy thing to end your own life. Especially when there are so many things that could go wrong. The last thing I'd want is a failed attempt. Also don't want to feel any pain.
Do you have SN? This site seems to be obsessed with it as a method but from what I've read from people doing test dosages it sounds terrifying. That's an interesting theory about the afterlife. I just hope I don't end up in hell but I don't think I believe there is one. I honestly just think it's lights out and nothing after. Kind of sad but the idea of an afterlife kind of scares me too. I don't want to die but I don't want to live like this. It's criminal we have been put in this impossible situation.
Yeah I'm on benzos now too to help with the antidepressant withdrawal symptoms which will screw me over and also a strong sleeping pill. It's called Zoplicone. It's a z-drug similar to a benzo so another thing that will cause my issues when I build tolerance and won't be able to sleep again. Which sleeping med are you on?
Slark
Student
- Apr 30, 2023
- 166
I use clozapine to sleep, but it's a medication that causes several problems. I hope the doctor who is treating you does everything right; you don't deserve to suffer anymore.
madameviolette
Another Big Pharma victim
- Oct 9, 2025
- 260
I'm sorry. I'm here too because of meds damage. Are your symptoms from withdrawals ? You didn't have symptoms from Cymbalta instatement right ?
When I was first put on Cymbalta in 2019 I had no issues. My withdrawal is from stopping Cymbalta incorrectly. It's a bit complicated because my nurse practitioner switched me to Lexapro with a one week cross taper from Cymbalta. I was doing ok on it for about 6 weeks until we tried increasing my dosage and I was getting bad anxiety and feeling of impending doom. I tried to just drop my dosage but she told me it wasn't a therapeutic dose which was a lie so I thought it would be ok to stop taking all together since I wasn't on it that long. Had a few weeks where everything was fine and then shit hit the fan. Figured it was from my body missing the drug but didn't know it was Cymbalta withdrawal so she put me on Zoloft and that kindled my nervous system. Psychiatrist tried putting me back on Cymbalta at full dose 3 months after it was stopped but at that point it was too late and my nervous system was too sensitized. Didn't even know about protracted withdrawal and what was happening to me until I posted on Reddit asking for advice and a user on their told me that was likely what was happening to me. Ended up hospitalized and got drugged to hell and back and still on drugs. Just in a bad situation. Sorry if you read this already in my other comments. What med injured you? Do you also have protracted withdrawal syndrome?
I can relate to this thread.
I was prescribed Cymbalta in a psych ward because I had taken a lot of other antidepressants and antipsychotics that didn't work well for me.
I was prescribed the lowest dosage, I felt great for a couple days then it would make me so lethargic that I couldn't get off the couch. After a month I decided to stop taking it, the next 7-9 days I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience, I felt disconnected from myself and it made feel dangerously close to committing suicide, because the lack of connection to oneself. I was out of my mind. I will never take it again.
The "Kindle" feeling you were talking about (that's a new term I haven't heard before) reminded me of when I took Prozac. My body felt electric, pulsating and I couldn't stop moving. By day 3 I was out of my mind and felt like I was on meth or something. I called my buddy and he told me I was having a bad reaction to my meds. Oh yeah, and the racing thoughts, my mind just wouldn't shut off. But after I stopped taking it I felt better.
But my body is way to sensitive to take any of those drugs now, some make me feel like I am having a heart attack.
I was prescribed Cymbalta in a psych ward because I had taken a lot of other antidepressants and antipsychotics that didn't work well for me.
I was prescribed the lowest dosage, I felt great for a couple days then it would make me so lethargic that I couldn't get off the couch. After a month I decided to stop taking it, the next 7-9 days I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience, I felt disconnected from myself and it made feel dangerously close to committing suicide, because the lack of connection to oneself. I was out of my mind. I will never take it again.
The "Kindle" feeling you were talking about (that's a new term I haven't heard before) reminded me of when I took Prozac. My body felt electric, pulsating and I couldn't stop moving. By day 3 I was out of my mind and felt like I was on meth or something. I called my buddy and he told me I was having a bad reaction to my meds. Oh yeah, and the racing thoughts, my mind just wouldn't shut off. But after I stopped taking it I felt better.
But my body is way to sensitive to take any of those drugs now, some make me feel like I am having a heart attack.
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Yeah it's best not to be on any of these poison. Unfortunately for me protracted withdrawal lasts years while the brain tries to correct the damage done by coming off it too quickly and everyday is an unbearable nightmare of an existence. This has ruined my life. That's why I'm on a suicide website. Just wish there was an easier way to end it.
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