For awhile I had a porn addiction and I had to stop because I got so tired of seeing such happy couples or friends or whatever they were. Feeling like I'm never going to have that ever was just making my depression so much worse. It's been about a month since I stopped but I still have images burned in my head. Soul crushing alone this is an absolute killer. I'm not even sure if this post even qualifies as off topic because it's a major reason why I am so suicidal.
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vercabow
watching all the stars burn out
- Nov 22, 2024
- 99
i'm in the same exact boat as your man.
from a young age i was completely sexually desensitived. my parents played a massive part in it. i wouldn't call them sexual abusive, but i don't really know how else to describe them. when i was 5-7 she would "joke" around with me into touching her tits, joking that she'd call the police or something. i didn't even know what i was doing was wrong at the time, i just thought it was something everyone did. they've always been really sexually open with my siblings and i, to the point where there wasn't any filter in what they said. the times i spoke out about being uncomfortable were met with "it's not like we want to fuck you right? we were just joking", word for word.
on top of this i was exposed to porn at a very young age, at around 8 i think. in my early teen years, i was friends with a lot of adults who felt that sharing porn with minors was okay.
all of this desentized me so much and im so fucking sick of it. i feel like such a disgusting piece of shit for not feeling repulsed at somethings. i don't want to be such a pervert. at this point i feel like im going to hurt someone just because i can't FEEL that somethings are wrong. some days i just wish i could erase my libido and call it a day.
porn addiction has made me into a disgusting piece of shit and i'm tired of acting like it isn't. i hope you and i find some way out of this, either by ctb or something else.
from a young age i was completely sexually desensitived. my parents played a massive part in it. i wouldn't call them sexual abusive, but i don't really know how else to describe them. when i was 5-7 she would "joke" around with me into touching her tits, joking that she'd call the police or something. i didn't even know what i was doing was wrong at the time, i just thought it was something everyone did. they've always been really sexually open with my siblings and i, to the point where there wasn't any filter in what they said. the times i spoke out about being uncomfortable were met with "it's not like we want to fuck you right? we were just joking", word for word.
on top of this i was exposed to porn at a very young age, at around 8 i think. in my early teen years, i was friends with a lot of adults who felt that sharing porn with minors was okay.
all of this desentized me so much and im so fucking sick of it. i feel like such a disgusting piece of shit for not feeling repulsed at somethings. i don't want to be such a pervert. at this point i feel like im going to hurt someone just because i can't FEEL that somethings are wrong. some days i just wish i could erase my libido and call it a day.
porn addiction has made me into a disgusting piece of shit and i'm tired of acting like it isn't. i hope you and i find some way out of this, either by ctb or something else.
EvisceratedJester
|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
- Oct 21, 2023
- 4,901
Jesus Christ, your mother (and father) are fucking nasty.
Wtf is this dude I'm so so sorry for that
That's literally abuse and as long as you're not hurting anybody, I know it's easier said than done but I would not feel bad about those feelings. Humans are sexual creatures and as long as it's all consensual it's supposed to be fine. Easier said than done I have the same problem. I don't even know what else to say. It's so easy for us to be so hard on ourselves and I hate it so much.
FinalVoid25
Member
- Dec 22, 2024
- 39
Porn makes me very depressed because they all look so happy and I know I will never experience it like this. I had sex like maybe 10 times so far (I'm 22) and it just never felt as amazing as portrayed in porn, it felt like I'm doing a bad copy of it. And it wasn't anyones fault, the women told me they had fun but I myself just felt like something was missing and also that I didnt deserve it, that I am too worthless to have sex, and since 1 year didnt pursue any more sex since I have become way more suicidal.
yowai
Specialist
- Aug 28, 2024
- 336
They make it look that way to sell it, doesn't mean they're necessarily happy. And women in porn exaggerate everything lol. I don't know if you're talking about the homemade stuff or professional videos but in the latter one people are often on drugs, I've read that addiction is rampant in this industry and it totally makes sense. So many porn stars have killed themselves or overdosed
FinalVoid25
Member
- Dec 22, 2024
- 39
I know that, but thats also what makes it even worse for me. That this endless euphoria of lust that is portrayed is nothing but an illusion that a worthless failure like me can never experience in real-life.
ShatteredSerenity
I talk to God, but the sky is empty.
- Nov 24, 2024
- 676
Porn stopped doing it for me since my wife left me. I can't say I ever found porn very appealing in the first place, since most of it is too cheesy and over the top. But now I'm so depressed that literally nothing brings me pleasure, and I have to tiptoe around memories that remind me of my loss and ruin the mood.
It's true that real life sex usually isn't all that amazing, but I sure miss it. I miss the intimacy, being close to someone mentally and physically. I hate to be someone who CTB's because of sex since it sounds so shallow, but it is one of the major factors that makes me want to give up on life. If I had hopes of finding another partner I might try rebuilding my life, but I'm so broken nobody in their right mind would want to be with me.
It's true that real life sex usually isn't all that amazing, but I sure miss it. I miss the intimacy, being close to someone mentally and physically. I hate to be someone who CTB's because of sex since it sounds so shallow, but it is one of the major factors that makes me want to give up on life. If I had hopes of finding another partner I might try rebuilding my life, but I'm so broken nobody in their right mind would want to be with me.
dragonofenvy
Wizard
- Oct 8, 2023
- 674
Porn makes me realize how lonely I am and how worthless I feel, and yet I keep going back to it because it's the closest to any kind of intimacy I'll get. That's why porn is so popular because so many people don't have any kind of intimacy with anyone so they watch it just to get the tiniest taste of it even if it's fake.
Mondsucher
Member
- Jul 26, 2020
- 22
Yup, it's a vicious circle if you look at it
feel lonely / crave intimacy -> decide to watch porn since it's highly stimulating -> feel bad, because you realize you are alone again -> decreased self-worth ... and the whole process starts again
