ixkitty
Let me be Selfish, just this once.
- Aug 15, 2020
- 364
2. Gather supplies
1. Realize I'm completely out of order
3. Get back on track
4. Realize I'm gathering supplies for 3 different methods: SN + DMSO; Gun ; partial hanging
5. Have panic attack and isolate self while I figure out which method will I actually do....
I think I'm gonna do the partial hanging.
The one person that knows actually don't believe me because she thinks I'm gonna be protected by God.. b0tw I'm a Wiccan...
The man at the psych ward told me I shouldn't end up there again because (his words) if I end up there again he's gonna do everything in his power to keep me the full 6 month term no matter what..
I plan to not fail. The last time was a fail fluke on everything. This time I'm meticulously planning every. Little. Detail: location, method, time, obituary.. I even plan to place my phone far away because no one will be there for me during this part either.
I'm not a loner; people just use me and leave me. I've felt alone all this time, even when I'm surrounded by people.
Sometimes I wake up and want to start the process of house hunting. Sometimes I wake up wanting to pay on my debts to pay them down because thats what a good citizen do. Find their place in life... does that mean I don't want to give up? I suppose I fear that if I fail I need to make sure I can just hop back on life's train and keep riding it. I'm not sure anymore..
1. Realize I'm completely out of order
3. Get back on track
4. Realize I'm gathering supplies for 3 different methods: SN + DMSO; Gun ; partial hanging
5. Have panic attack and isolate self while I figure out which method will I actually do....
I think I'm gonna do the partial hanging.
The one person that knows actually don't believe me because she thinks I'm gonna be protected by God.. b0tw I'm a Wiccan...
The man at the psych ward told me I shouldn't end up there again because (his words) if I end up there again he's gonna do everything in his power to keep me the full 6 month term no matter what..
I plan to not fail. The last time was a fail fluke on everything. This time I'm meticulously planning every. Little. Detail: location, method, time, obituary.. I even plan to place my phone far away because no one will be there for me during this part either.
I'm not a loner; people just use me and leave me. I've felt alone all this time, even when I'm surrounded by people.
Sometimes I wake up and want to start the process of house hunting. Sometimes I wake up wanting to pay on my debts to pay them down because thats what a good citizen do. Find their place in life... does that mean I don't want to give up? I suppose I fear that if I fail I need to make sure I can just hop back on life's train and keep riding it. I'm not sure anymore..
