on tuesday, i attempted to ctb with sa.
iI was a horrible experience as i stayed conscious due to not taking the whole dose. errors on my part!
Anyways, after recovering (slightly, still physically sick) from that, i've now got a greater passion and desire to succeed. yk before i was still a bit hesitant but now, i'm all-out in wanting to ctb. idk if there's anything anymore that can stop me.
one important thing i wanna note, and i hope this provides a source of comfort to some people, is that when i took the azide, i didn't feel a sense of regret. i wasn't like "Oh, please! I don't want to die!" as the media might report, I was ready.
So the new plan consists of:
- fasting for 8 hours for solids
- fasting for 2 hours before for liquids
- taking paracetamol (1000mg) 1 hour before
- taking xanax (1mg) 1 hour before
- taking 4g of sodium azide in capsules
Dizziness should come within 10-15 minutes. Death in about an hour.
Obviously I have a few notes to make, especially regarding taking the poison in capsules. Yes, it will make the process slower, I understand. However, I could not bare the taste of aqueous azide. It's hard to describe as it was generally "tasteless" but the clearest description I can give of it was it was like "heavy water". It tasted weird and immediately triggered my gag reflex.
On that, you may say since I'm taking xanax, my gag reflex should be minimised. I agree. However, the other reason I'm taking it in pills is so I can't back out. I can swallow 4 pills at once. I can't drink 50mL of a horrible-weird-metallic-heavy tasting liquid at once. I would rather die (the intended effect) than suffer for 6 hours again with a rapid heart beat, air hunger and exhaustion.
Pills will be slower - I understand. And at the same time, I kind of.. don't want to "die immediately". I want a bit of buffer if that makes sense. Azide kills quick. Very, very quick.
This obviously is not an exhaustive list. I'm just putting this on here for the record, advice, help and encouragement.
Love you all - take care <3
iI was a horrible experience as i stayed conscious due to not taking the whole dose. errors on my part!
Anyways, after recovering (slightly, still physically sick) from that, i've now got a greater passion and desire to succeed. yk before i was still a bit hesitant but now, i'm all-out in wanting to ctb. idk if there's anything anymore that can stop me.
one important thing i wanna note, and i hope this provides a source of comfort to some people, is that when i took the azide, i didn't feel a sense of regret. i wasn't like "Oh, please! I don't want to die!" as the media might report, I was ready.
So the new plan consists of:
- fasting for 8 hours for solids
- fasting for 2 hours before for liquids
- taking paracetamol (1000mg) 1 hour before
- taking xanax (1mg) 1 hour before
- taking 4g of sodium azide in capsules
Dizziness should come within 10-15 minutes. Death in about an hour.
Obviously I have a few notes to make, especially regarding taking the poison in capsules. Yes, it will make the process slower, I understand. However, I could not bare the taste of aqueous azide. It's hard to describe as it was generally "tasteless" but the clearest description I can give of it was it was like "heavy water". It tasted weird and immediately triggered my gag reflex.
On that, you may say since I'm taking xanax, my gag reflex should be minimised. I agree. However, the other reason I'm taking it in pills is so I can't back out. I can swallow 4 pills at once. I can't drink 50mL of a horrible-weird-metallic-heavy tasting liquid at once. I would rather die (the intended effect) than suffer for 6 hours again with a rapid heart beat, air hunger and exhaustion.
Pills will be slower - I understand. And at the same time, I kind of.. don't want to "die immediately". I want a bit of buffer if that makes sense. Azide kills quick. Very, very quick.
This obviously is not an exhaustive list. I'm just putting this on here for the record, advice, help and encouragement.
Love you all - take care <3
