Plan on ctb by SN GHB and ketamine on holy friday

[dopper]

I'm planning to ctb on the holy friday, using SN, ketamine and GHB.

For my whole life been suffering from autism, ADHD, PTSD and BPD. Although I do have a request running with my psychiatrist for euthanasia, I can't bring up to wait for actually. Last month I was brought to hospital for seven times, the first 4 I was found, the other 3 times I tried OD with medications and called an ambulance myself. So I could tell them not to help me, in case they would find me.

This time I want everything to be really sure about definitly CTB 'cause I'm really done with all this crappy life. Having thoughts about ctb since I was only 12. I tried hard waiting and fighting to make something out of it. Still I'm ending up all alone and broken each time, age of 29 now.

Been reading a lot here since a few weeks and found that SN would be my choice, don't really care about the taste actually, cause I'm used to taking GHB quite often wich is salt as well. But thought of taking a tablespoon of honey after drinking it. I take risperidone and seroquel/quetiapine on prescription so don't need any meto.

Before taking a stat dose, I will take 20mg of diazepam + some GHB and immediatly after drinking the SN I plan on IM shotting ketamine for 300mg, wich will take me to a nice place already and this will be taking care of any pain as well.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

My only concern is that GHB and ketamine are dissociatives, so you may dissociate and do something to get rescued, then end up in a psych ward.

 

[dopper]

It sounds crazy right? Calling the ambulance not to help me. I called them and gave them my documents not to perform a CPR, because they rescued me the first couple times, since I was in a coma. This made them say: "This person is incapable to make this choice now".
After those 3 times, I decided to call an ambulance and I can happily tell you, that they didn't help me anymore with medicins or CPR. They now know and respect the choices I made.
Second thing is, when I'm with a docter or in hospital, I feel less anxious and ofcourse I won't be alone, cause I deep inside don't wanna die alone as well. I feel comfortable to know that when any pains come, someone is there to comfort me or take away the pain.
Now it's maybe important to know I'm dutch and the laws here give you the possibility to take your own choice in life. When the help came in the first couple times, they did sent me to a psych ward, but then the next day I was allowed to pack my stuff and leave. I have all of this documented as well.

As the concerns for ketamine and GHB; taking an IM dose of 300mg ketamine will bring you in an anesthetic state, so you will be out of conciousness. I do the combination of GHB and Ketamine a lot, and for me it's a relief taking this. Even more, when I have this 'space', I almost feel like letting go already and it makes me so calm! I feel almost like I fly away of this planet, not caring about anything, no needs to call an ambulance as well in this state.

 

[dopper]

I'm no langer capable of paying a motel anymore now unfortunatly. And when in my own house, I can turn on some music I like and do whatever the fck I want at this moment.

I know now, that nobody will try to rescue me anymore. Because of corona nobody just comes checking on me at my appartment. And the few people I have left, they realised now that I really just wanna ctb and respect this know. Not that they would like to be with me when leaving, but they just understand now and won't bang on my door just all of a sudden
Last times in hospital, they didn't even called in a psych anymore at ER. Just when being capable of walking to the toilet and eating and drinking, I could just leave the hospital like that.

 

[rankinchris]

Sounds to me like you enjoy the attention from the emergency services as I don't believe for one second you call an ambulance NOT to help you. I see that as a cry for help

 

[dopper]

I do like having some attention in my last moments. As for calling the ambulance, I really just wanted to be sure I told them myself I really, really wanted to die.

I even looked up on the internet what would be an interfering medicine to the methylene blue, maybe this goed for more people in the future. The idea is to take, together with the other meds, taking a medicine wich wil kill you anyway if they gave you the methylene. Any antidepressants will do (SSRI) interact along with the methylene, causing serotonine syndrome. So even if they do wanna help me out, they will just start another killing process.
This time I won't call for an ambulance by the way. I'll just enjoy my time by tripping out on some nice music with the ketamine. In about 2-5 minutes it will sedate you into coma, so I will not even be capable of handling the phone.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Is there a special reason you want to do this on holy friday?

 

[dopper]

Is there a special reason you want to do this on holy friday?

The Three Hours' Agony (also known as the Tre Ore, The Great Three Hours, or Three Hours' Devotion) is a Christian service held in some Roman Catholic, Lutheran, Anglican and Methodist churches on Good Friday from noon till 3 o'clock to commemorate the three hours of Christ's hanging at the cross.[1]