Venting personal venting thread

[strawberrydino]

as per title. feel like im making too many venting posts so gonna just spam them here. more like a journal.
thought i was having a good day went to gym. but we went to get new dress pants bc i got fatter and now i just dont fit and i feel awful. i look awful. i want to cut myself but i cant bc theyre seeing my things and arms and now how do i cope. beside venting like crazy on this site which i alr do which sorta calms me down but not really. i hate this. im behind on all my coursework had an anxiety attack thinking i missed deadline to the one extra circular that im actually good at. (which im still not sure i havent). i keep thinking i want to end it but feel like an imposter among everyone else here who has plans who is committed but i cant bc never fucking commit.

 

[pauly369]

Its not your fault : The survival instinct is more powerful than we realsise.

 

[snoopyfan22]

Me too. It makes me feel like such a coward but I'm afraid of dying most of the time.

 

[strawberrydino]

as per title. feel like im making too many venting posts so gonna just spam them here. more like a journal.
thought i was having a good day went to gym. but we went to get new dress pants bc i got fatter and now i just dont fit and i feel awful. i look awful. i want to cut myself but i cant bc theyre seeing my things and arms and now how do i cope. beside venting like crazy on this site which i alr do which sorta calms me down but not really. i hate this. im behind on all my coursework had an anxiety attack thinking i missed deadline to the one extra circular that im actually good at. (which im still not sure i havent). i keep thinking i want to end it but feel like an imposter among everyone else here who has plans who is committed but i cant bc never fucking commit.

im pms like crazy work. im trying to plan this stupid fucking sixteen ppl six flags trip, which is my fault really for taking on the fucking burden. but stop changing plans. i feel like i clarified really clearly the plans were finalized last week but this week everyone changes and i have to change the payment again and again. and this dtupid mfer wont stop repeating and talking over me. but i need to chill cuz its jot that deep. but we're doing a practice debate which i want to take seriously and the opponent doesnt despite the facts we agreed on. and soni get more than a little mad cuz why am i wasting time on bad faith arguments. then mfer agress to do a serious debate. no he doesnt. same bad faith twisting my arguments and telling lies. why even bother. why even pretend you would then? like dont bother. and i got so fucking madni basically threw my marker and left. and i feel bad cuz it wasnt that deep but why bother fycking messing with it in the first place. why.

 

[strawberrydino]

as per title. feel like im making too many venting posts so gonna just spam them here. more like a journal.
thought i was having a good day went to gym. but we went to get new dress pants bc i got fatter and now i just dont fit and i feel awful. i look awful. i want to cut myself but i cant bc theyre seeing my things and arms and now how do i cope. beside venting like crazy on this site which i alr do which sorta calms me down but not really. i hate this. im behind on all my coursework had an anxiety attack thinking i missed deadline to the one extra circular that im actually good at. (which im still not sure i havent). i keep thinking i want to end it but feel like an imposter among everyone else here who has plans who is committed but i cant bc never fucking commit.

im back. i was doing so good for months but need a good cry apparently. these posts match up crazy with my period cycle. so theres that.

im tired. when am i not. i feel less and less deserving of this self hatred. im clean of sh or at least cutting for months. im hopefully buying. carmaybe.

ww3 might be starting.

im so not depressed yet still crying is the at normal. i dont know whats normal. am i mentally ill or just self diagnosing.

 

[Meatballhead]

I was forced to get sober before realizing I could jump in front of a train . Now I kinda think alcohol is gross but am still kinda wanting to do it . I'm a felon so I can't buy a gun and make it super easy. Instead I have to live through the grossest life ever. I have to do literally every single thing I don't want to do . Nothing I try to do happens. I literally am so miserable ,dirty and poor and again nothing but the most disgusting crap is happening non stop . like my problems are so pathetic but like impossible to solve .

 

[strawberrydino]

why is this such a bad week. i really need to fix my sleeping schedule. took a four hour nap and dint do anything i needed to

im not ready to become an adult. need to get a car a credit card.

why is everything feeling so much.

i wish therapy fixed everything, but i guess thats not how it works. i wish i had a diagnosis and i knew what was wrong. even better a magical pill fixed everything. everything is work which is just how it is but its tiring and im a little lazy bitch

why do i feel so lonely, why am i depressed, why do i cry so much i dont think people cry this much.

i wish being an alcohol addict was okay then i could just say what i mean and not have anxiety over every text and word that comes out of my mouth. i could cry and its fine cuz im drunk.

im tired. im so tired. and i cant end it