People who aren't trans: Do you get misgendered a lot?

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I'm non-binary, but I'm biologically female and I feel I am a pretty basic female-presenting. Leggings, oversized t-shirts and a hoodie. Low voice. Hair usually shoulder-length or longer.

In person, misgendering is rare. But over the phone, in pictures or on video, I get called a man constantly. Even when wearing a full face of makeup. I'm not sure if I really am masc-presenting or if they're just very unoriginal in their insults.

I'm not that offended. It comes in handy and I would love to do drag performances again. I was just wondering if this was a common experience.

 

[pelicanportal]

No, not personally.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

No, never .

 

[Arvayn]

Online, basically all the time. I don't correct people, either, since keeping my sex and gender a mystery is a source of entertainment for me, and I do not care. In person, I do not get misgendered. I am regularly assumed to be much older than I truly am, though, thanks to my cadence, voice and way of dress.

 

[hiiiii]

it's only happened a handful of times. a few were children who were confused by my short hair, one was some miserable woman's weird attempt at humbling me when i worked in food service, and another was because they only saw me from behind and i was wearing boxer briefs so i probably just looked like a fat man in that moment.

i'm pretty androgynous though

 

[Dejected 55]

Many young boys, and I was one of them, get misgendered as girls before their voice deepens during puberty. I also sometimes had long hair because I hated sitting still for haircuts as a kid... so there were lots of times people thought I was a little girl until I started having shorter hair, had my growth spurt as a young teen, and my voice started changing. It always annoyed me as a kid that they made that assumption so quickly... not because I would have been offended if I was a girl, but because it just seemed so stupid.

It's like the people (men and women) who are determined to go up to women they don't know who have a bit of a belly and ask "when are you do" when a lot of the time it's just an overweight women who is now self-conscious and embarrassed and maybe a little pissed off... OR she actually is pregnant but it isn't any business of nosey strangers!

Random story... my mother was always overweight as an adult, basically never having lost weight after my birth... and she would get asked about being pregnant every once in a while and she would be pissed off at the people! So... one day she railed on some poor young kid at the grocery store checkout for asking her... and he was properly embarrassed and apologized to her... but then a week or so after that she found out she was in fact pregnant. Because of a combination of always being overweight, having lifelong hormone and other imbalances so she never had a regular period... my mother did not have any reason to suspect she was pregnant until the baby started to kick inside her... so she was about 5 months pregnant before she knew. That was a weird surprise... but then she retroactively felt bad about chewing out the poor kid who had been right after all that she was pregnant...

Anyway... when I was in the mental facility back in October for a couple of weeks... there was a non-binary person in there. The staff there kept calling them by the female name they had on file and since the person was depressed and I was also withdrawn at the time, I never talked to the person to know they were non-binary. Short hair and all, but I don't like to make assumptions on people unless they tell me so it wasn't until after they were discharged that another woman in the facility was talking about them as non-binary. That facility was basically not good with the non-binary nor the trans-female we had in there at one point... but that's a different conversation.

So, hard to say if there is any reason people might see you as masculine that you might not be aware you are presenting... OR. sometimes people are just dense, seriously... stupid people walk the earth a lot.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

Many young boys, and I was one of them, get misgendered as girls before their voice deepens during puberty. I also sometimes had long hair because I hated sitting still for haircuts as a kid... so there were lots of times people thought I was a little girl until I started having shorter hair, had my growth spurt as a young teen, and my voice started changing. It always annoyed me as a kid that they made that assumption so quickly... not because I would have been offended if I was a girl, but because it just seemed so stupid.

It's like the people (men and women) who are determined to go up to women they don't know who have a bit of a belly and ask "when are you do" when a lot of the time it's just an overweight women who is now self-conscious and embarrassed and maybe a little pissed off... OR she actually is pregnant but it isn't any business of nosey strangers!

Random story... my mother was always overweight as an adult, basically never having lost weight after my birth... and she would get asked about being pregnant every once in a while and she would be pissed off at the people! So... one day she railed on some poor young kid at the grocery store checkout for asking her... and he was properly embarrassed and apologized to her... but then a week or so after that she found out she was in fact pregnant. Because of a combination of always being overweight, having lifelong hormone and other imbalances so she never had a regular period... my mother did not have any reason to suspect she was pregnant until the baby started to kick inside her... so she was about 5 months pregnant before she knew. That was a weird surprise... but then she retroactively felt bad about chewing out the poor kid who had been right after all that she was pregnant...

Anyway... when I was in the mental facility back in October for a couple of weeks... there was a non-binary person in there. The staff there kept calling them by the female name they had on file and since the person was depressed and I was also withdrawn at the time, I never talked to the person to know they were non-binary. Short hair and all, but I don't like to make assumptions on people unless they tell me so it wasn't until after they were discharged that another woman in the facility was talking about them as non-binary. That facility was basically not good with the non-binary nor the trans-female we had in there at one point... but that's a different conversation.

So, hard to say if there is any reason people might see you as masculine that you might not be aware you are presenting... OR. sometimes people are just dense, seriously... stupid people walk the earth a lot.

I have a strong jawbone and a low voice, which many people code as masculine.

In all honesty, I think a lot of people are just not used to females that are extremely low maintenance. Don't wear tight-fitting clothing, don't wear makeup, let their hair air dry, etc. So doing that, plus my voice and my jaw, and my work boots, codes me as masculine.

When I AM wearing a full face of makeup, I am regularly coded if MtF transgender.

I don't consider this a problem to be solved necessarily. I just wanted to know if I had a special talent...or if people are just dumb.

 

[Dejected 55]

I have a strong jawbone and a low voice, which many people code as masculine.

In all honesty, I think a lot of people are just not used to females that are extremely low maintenance. Don't wear tight-fitting clothing, don't wear makeup, let their hair air dry, etc. So doing that, plus my voice and my jaw, and my work boots, codes me as masculine.

When I AM wearing a full face of makeup, I am regularly coded if MtF transgender.

I don't consider this a problem to be solved necessarily. I just wanted to know if I had a special talent...or if people are just dumb.

It could be people just being dumb... or maybe not dumb as much as insensitive.

I've seen women with strong jawlines that I think I'm imagining as you are describing yourself... and at some points in history such a woman might be described as "handsome" rather than "pretty." In modern times, calling a woman "handsome" is typically taken as an insult... some women don't like to be considered as cute either. Sometimes it is semantics, other times it is perception of what they think it means... like a "cute" woman might not think people respect her for intelligence... a "handsome" woman might think she is seen as manly... and so forth.

From where I sit, there's a pretty wide range of appearances of women. Thanks in part to it being generally more acceptable for women to have long hair vs men... I think there is more variety in the looks of women vs men... or maybe since I'm a hetero male and don't see men as attractive, all men kind of blur together for me? I can usually see the conventionally considered attractive men and pick them out of a crowd vs average Joes... but I don't put much more thought into it than that. So maybe I'm missing the other side of the coin when I think about all this.

I suppose, back to your original thought, it could be something about the way you are presenting yourself... maybe... and if it did bother you, I suppose that could be worth investigating... but if it isn't bothering you... just chalk it up to people being dumb or unobservant and keep rolling on. I know I always tell people I only dress for two reasons: #1 for my comfort and #2 so nobody else has to see me naked.

 

[naughtyNaughtyBear]

Well when I was like 4 I was misgendered a couple of times, allthough im not really super attached to being a boy so it didn't really bother me and doesn't bother me still.

Although in my case its cause i had my hair long.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

It could be people just being dumb... or maybe not dumb as much as insensitive.

I've seen women with strong jawlines that I think I'm imagining as you are describing yourself... and at some points in history such a woman might be described as "handsome" rather than "pretty." In modern times, calling a woman "handsome" is typically taken as an insult... some women don't like to be considered as cute either. Sometimes it is semantics, other times it is perception of what they think it means... like a "cute" woman might not think people respect her for intelligence... a "handsome" woman might think she is seen as manly... and so forth.

From where I sit, there's a pretty wide range of appearances of women. Thanks in part to it being generally more acceptable for women to have long hair vs men... I think there is more variety in the looks of women vs men... or maybe since I'm a hetero male and don't see men as attractive, all men kind of blur together for me? I can usually see the conventionally considered attractive men and pick them out of a crowd vs average Joes... but I don't put much more thought into it than that. So maybe I'm missing the other side of the coin when I think about all this.

I suppose, back to your original thought, it could be something about the way you are presenting yourself... maybe... and if it did bother you, I suppose that could be worth investigating... but if it isn't bothering you... just chalk it up to people being dumb or unobservant and keep rolling on. I know I always tell people I only dress for two reasons: #1 for my comfort and #2 so nobody else has to see me naked.

I guess this is coming up for me because over the past year, my ability to pay attention to things such as my home decor has substantially increased. For the first time. And I'm trying to decide if what I'm currently doing is what I actually want. I like it. It works. But is it what I want? Or is it a product of years of chronic pain, fatigue, and severe mental deficiency?

No one can answer this except me, of course. But I was hoping other people maybe had similar experiences and maybe I could get ideas. This is new territory. I realize now that clarifying in my OP would have been super helpful. But alas, I can't edit it now.