I was invited to a birthday party for my close friend I've known for years. I was really unsure whether or not I would go. She will be the only person I know there. Usually that would be fine, I'm good with people. But I'm so nervous now. What if they ask me about work and I have to say I'm unemployed. Then they might ask what I did before and I'd say I was a teacher. And then I'd have to make an excuse why I'm not teaching any more. The reason is obviously I spent years in prison and you can't teach if you have a criminal record. I just know I'm going to spend the day on edge waiting for someone to ask me something that'll make me uncomfortable. I'm just so ashamed I've lived a life I can't even tell people about. I have to lie and then I have to lie again and again. I used to be good at parties but this will be my first proper one since leaving prison. I won't have anything in common with them. They'll all be nice normal people and they will have no idea they're talking to someone who committed a horrible crime. I know they'll all be nice, it's more the fact I'll spend the whole time thinking about these things. I just wish I was a normal person again and not an ex-con.
