Venting Paranoia surrounding lack of bodily autonomy

[myattempt]

I am extremely paranoid when it comes to thinking about the fact that you can be resuscitated even after all your efforts - simply because your found too early
Okay but to change code status to DNR - you really can't if you have a mental health history of suicidality (because they'll just take into account your mh history and say you lack capacity to make the decision)

Going through mh services has only made me angrier and feels like a permanent stain and paranoia of being surveiled - I must say and behave in a manner that's socially acceptable.- I'm really staring to believe that the divide between people who are deemed mentally ill and not is widened by the evidence of how baldy 'patients' under mental health services are treated - of course you'd fear it

It's only crazy We're not granted the same bodily autonomy as people who aren't suicidal.

I just get this sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about it all - the dread I feel it's horrible to be disillusioned.

The only help that can be offered is ways to assimilate better - id honestly rather stay depressed instead of feeling better but things* not actually being better it makes no logical sense to lie to myself.

*All these complex social structures have us all absolutely fucked - none of this is going to change without bloodshed.

I'm done lying, masking as someone who is autistic - I'm sick of pretending that I don't want to die but I have to to ctb - at least I feel a sense of relief getting all these thoughts off my chest


Not everyone is having a mh crisis when they want to die -for me personally I have been ready to die for a long time now - to the point I fear further ruining my quality of life when attempting (fear of ending up with medical issues)

It's not okay that I am afraid and paranoid that someone else can have control over decisions on my own body and life. The lack of bodily autonomy for suicidal people disgusts and scares me.

P.s I didn't use ai to type this - I just prefer to use dashes to organise my thoughts in a strategic way that seems to flow - autistic pattern recognition I guess

 

[Whale_bones]

I wouldn't call it paranoia, because paranoia is irrational and not supported by evidence. Your fears are understandable, and you have lived experience that supports them. You're not alone in that; many people have been through similar experiences and also believe that suicide can be a rational, thoughtful choice that is our individual right to make.

We just rarely hear that opinion voiced, because of all the things that culminate in society preferring to think everyone considering suicide must be irrational, mentally ill, and/or impulsive. Some people prefer that ignorance over accepting the reality: that some lives are not worth living.

PS: I also use dashes fairly often, and it was clear to me this wasn't written by AI. Hopefully no one makes that assumption based just off of some dashes!

 

[myattempt]

I'm so glad to have this platform where I can voice my thoughts without automatically being discredited or silenced thank you for your reply

 

[madameviolette]

I live with that same fear too. The fact that others are entitled to decide for your life, your body and your death is terrorizing.

 

[VitriolLD]

It is an instinctive response to keep members of your species alive and it stems from the fact that humans are social animals thus, would be better off with larger amounts. Sadly, that thought might not be as applicable to the modern age where numbers isn't much of a concern and humans are more expressive.

But at the same time, suicide does mean permanently blocking off the chance of recovery (from the eyes of non-suicidal people). It makes sense why they want to keep people alive. I think it would be nice if exceptions are made in cases where the mental health issue is extremely severe and the patient is unable to maintain it. It is way better to let people CTB in a respectable and honorable environment rather than hiding away in fear of resusitation.

 

[AcrobaticSilky]

I am extremely paranoid when it comes to thinking about the fact that you can be resuscitated even after all your efforts - simply because your found too early
Okay but to change code status to DNR - you really can't if you have a mental health history of suicidality (because they'll just take into account your mh history and say you lack capacity to make the decision)

Going through mh services has only made me angrier and feels like a permanent stain and paranoia of being surveiled - I must say and behave in a manner that's socially acceptable.- I'm really staring to believe that the divide between people who are deemed mentally ill and not is widened by the evidence of how baldy 'patients' under mental health services are treated - of course you'd fear it

It's only crazy We're not granted the same bodily autonomy as people who aren't suicidal.

I just get this sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about it all - the dread I feel it's horrible to be disillusioned.

The only help that can be offered is ways to assimilate better - id honestly rather stay depressed instead of feeling better but things* not actually being better it makes no logical sense to lie to myself.

*All these complex social structures have us all absolutely fucked - none of this is going to change without bloodshed.

I'm done lying, masking as someone who is autistic - I'm sick of pretending that I don't want to die but I have to to ctb - at least I feel a sense of relief getting all these thoughts off my chest


Not everyone is having a mh crisis when they want to die -for me personally I have been ready to die for a long time now - to the point I fear further ruining my quality of life when attempting (fear of ending up with medical issues)

It's not okay that I am afraid and paranoid that someone else can have control over decisions on my own body and life. The lack of bodily autonomy for suicidal people disgusts and scares me.

P.s I didn't use ai to type this - I just prefer to use dashes to organise my thoughts in a strategic way that seems to flow - autistic pattern recognition I guess

I feel the same way and work in healthcare. Your fears are valid. Without proper paperwork, people are frequently tortured and forced to live after botched CTB attempts

 

[InevitableDeath]

I feel the same way and work in healthcare. Your fears are valid. Without proper paperwork, people are frequently tortured and forced to live after botched CTB attempts

So get the final act right. Anyone tries to stop you, they can come too.

 

[AcrobaticSilky]

So get the final act right. Anyone tries to stop you, they can come too.

I plan on just taking necessary precautions to ensure that I'm alone and that my method is actually fatal. Even in service of my own end, I don't condone harming others or even blaming them for following their programming (especially since they likely think they're doing what's in your best interest). I'd imagine most failed attempts are either poorly thought out or not completely intended to be successful in the first place if the person still wanted a chance of being "saved"

 

[InevitableDeath]

I plan on just taking necessary precautions to ensure that I'm alone and that my method is actually fatal. Even in service of my own end, I don't condone harming others or even blaming them for following their programming (especially since they likely think they're doing what's in your best interest). I'd imagine most failed attempts are either poorly thought out or not completely intended to be successful in the first place if the person still wanted a chance of being "saved"

Sure, you do you. Good luck.