Help Panicking because I have no way out

[shelter_of_sorts]

Several years ago I read the PPH and had someone pick up a tank of helium for me. I ordered the other stuff online for an exit bag and kept it stowed away. I just went to test it now and realized the helium isn't pure enough to use.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm disabled and mostly bed-bound and I'm trapped living with my parents with very little privacy. I have no way to get myself to a place that sells N2, no cash to buy it with (my parents see everything purchased with my card). I couldn't even carry the tank out of the store.

I'm an incredibly squeamish and faint-hearted person and that's gotten in the way of all my past attempts. Believing that I had a peaceful way out has been my comfort for so long. It kept me from spiraling so many times to know I had the option if I needed it. Now I have nothing. I feel trapped and helpless with no way out.

My health condition keeps getting worse and my options for methods will only get smaller. What can I do? Please help.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace, I see so much cruelty in how the option of painless, guaranteed ways to permanently cease existing are denied with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what, I really understand feeling so trapped in this torturous, cruel existence, I always suffer from how there isn't a way to just be gone.