Overcoming chronic pain & fatigue

[viscera]

long story short, one of my ctb attempts severely fucked up my body bcs i waited way too long before seeking medical attention. these days i dont eat, i dont sleep, i barely go outside, my body constantly hurts and i can barely focus on anything. the latter especially is destroying me, because i can't do the things i enjoy or finish my projects.

i desperately need to successfully ctb, but every time i gather the necessary resolve, the exhaustion or pain makes it almost impossible to go through with it. just thinking about my previous method is enough to make me vomit uncontrollably. the pills i have are no longer enough to prevent this.

an additional problem is that if i fail and am somehow rescued, i will certainly be locked up for good. it's getting harder and harder to hide my condition from others. last time, the police arrived at my door and drove me to the psych ward after taking one look at my room. my next attempt has to work.

i just don't have any reliable methods. the poisons i have and hanging both have a high failure rate, and there is no building tall enough anywhere close to where i live. trains and gas have way too much potential for collateral damage. at this point i think the best course is to just knock myself out and hang with a nylon strap.

 

[aRose]

Im sorry you're hurting. It's def not easy. I'm currently trying to force myself to eat even though it's painful just so I can have energy enough to build my lil CO gas chamber. I figured that's the lowest effort and least painful method to try rn. Just my opinion. You have to have some money and access to a space and alone time, which I have.