On being adopted

[tsuinosora]

I've been lurking on this site on and off for some time now, but I've never seen anyone mentioning one of my biggest reasons for wanting to ctb: being an adopted child. Alongside being born and the death of my adopted mother, being adopted itself has been one of the worst things that ever happened to me. It has also been the source of great confusion and thought.
Despite having a family, I have never met a person whose blood is related to mine. It really is an alienating feeling. Not even sharing my family's skin color. I really feel like I am my own being.
Recently, I've been thinking about how my isolation and uninterest in most people around me is related to the lonely nature of being adopted. It is a confusing thing, because I do like being alone, it is freeing, but being alone(in my essence) sometimes can be really lonely.
Unfortunately, I am not capable of actually putting it into words, but I felt like venting, since people here might understand or, at least, read it.

 

[Worndown]

Adoption happens for many reasons, all sad.
For a good reason you were adopted by someone able to take you in and give you a good life. Likely much better.

Several I know were adopted and that does leave a hole they cannot fill.
They also looked past that. The hole was in the past, the "new" life was before them.
There are groups where you can discuss this. You are not alone.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Are you sure that being adopted was one of the worst things that ever happened to you? I understand it may feel that way, but have you thought about what would have happened if you hadn't been adopted? It never occurred to you that life might've been significantly worse? I say this as a person who learned about adoption as a very young child (because my father was adopted), and from that point on, I wondered why I hadn't been put up for adoption, and I prayed that it wasn't too late for that to happen, because all I wanted was to have parents or even just one parent who actually wanted a child. That could've been you, if your birth parents didn't give you the opportunity to have a family that wanted you in it. Just something to consider.

 

[tsuinosora]

Are you sure that being adopted was one of the worst things that ever happened to you? I understand it may feel that way, but have you thought about what would have happened if you hadn't been adopted? It never occurred to you that life might've been significantly worse? I say this as a person who learned about adoption as a very young child (because my father was adopted), and from that point on, I wondered why I hadn't been put up for adoption, and I prayed that it wasn't too late for that to happen, because all I wanted was to have parents or even just one parent who actually wanted a child. That could've been you, if your birth parents didn't give you the opportunity to have a family that wanted you in it. Just something to consider.

On one hand, my material life would have been worse if I hadn't been adopted. On the other hand, I probably wouldn't feel this way. It is not as if I want to be part of my biological family. It is just that being apart of it can feel lonely. However, it can also be liberating. That's why I said I couldn't put it into words, it scarred me for life, but it is all that I have. Being adopted made me realize that I am truly alone, and cannot be part of anything. I was alone after being born, I am alone and I'll die alone. It made me realize that relationships are meaningless since I'll never connect or ever access someone else. I'm trapped inside myself and only suicide can save me. Being adopted is my exile from nothingness and suicide is the solution to life.

 

[Worndown]

If you never knew you were adopted, is there family you are close to?
They are still your family. Your life has not changed, just your perception of how all the pieces connect.
Search for a support group for thise who were adopted. You are not the only person with these questions.

 

[tsuinosora]

If you never knew you were adopted, is there family you are close to?
They are still your family. Your life has not changed, just your perception of how all the pieces connect.
Search for a support group for thise who were adopted. You are not the only person with these questions.

Sorry for taking so long to answer.
I'm in good terms with both sides of my family, but I wouldn't consider myself to be close to neither of those.
That's true, only my perception has changed. But I don't know whether I can consider them as family.
I would be interested in knowing more about how adopted kids, teens and adults felt regarding their place in a family, society and groups. But I am not seeking for any kind of therapy or similar experience.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

On one hand, my material life would have been worse if I hadn't been adopted. On the other hand, I probably wouldn't feel this way. It is not as if I want to be part of my biological family. It is just that being apart of it can feel lonely. However, it can also be liberating. That's why I said I couldn't put it into words, it scarred me for life, but it is all that I have. Being adopted made me realize that I am truly alone, and cannot be part of anything. I was alone after being born, I am alone and I'll die alone. It made me realize that relationships are meaningless since I'll never connect or ever access someone else. I'm trapped inside myself and only suicide can save me. Being adopted is my exile from nothingness and suicide is the solution to life.

I think that only looking at that part of it from a material perspective is… incomplete. Maybe money was the only thing they didn't have to offer a child, and that's why you were put up for adoption. But maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe they never wanted children, maybe they couldn't stand children, maybe they would have neglectful or horrendously abusive, because those things are more likely to happen when people who don't want kids have kids. I think you're seriously underestimating just how sad a situation it could have been. Much sadder than a situation where you were chosen and wanted and valued, even though it may feel empty. Of course, that may not have been the case at all, maybe they are very loving people who would have treated you well, but there's no way to know either way.