Venting Officially done with the mental healthcare system

[willitpass]

I just discharged from yet another extensive hospitalization. I was at the same facility I was at last time, just a different program. My previous experience had been an overall positive one and had started to mend the distrust and fear I had from years of abuse and neglect by the system. This different program tore that all right back down. I was abused, neglected, belittled, gaslight, staff would even complain about me right in front of me. I have never felt like such a burden for just existing, god forbid existing while being sick. And I developed medical issues during this stay that were ignored and blown off as psychosomatic only to later find they are in fact not. These issues would often cause me excruciating pain and they would wait hours and hours to do even the bare minimum to help my pain. Physically and mentally I am worse off than when I got there.

I will never again go to an inpatient or residential facility in my life time. And I am only agreeable to outpatient care for the sake of keeping my family from getting concerned and trying to get me sectioned, because even though I don't even live in the same state as them anymore, they will find out if I stop going. But I will play my cards just right and bend my words so that I never risk getting sent back. I don't think I'll be alive this time next year, hell even 6 months from now. I want so badly to make it through the holidays for my family, but even that is a stretch. If that's all the time I have left on this earth, I will absolutely not be spending it being treated like less than a human. Being surrounded by people who laugh when you're struggling, see you on the floor having the lowest of lows and walk away, talk about how difficult it is to have you as a patient right in front of you. Being locked up with no way out because they believe they know better than you. I have no self respect, no self worth, and even I refuse to allow people to treat me that way. The system that claims to be there to save peoples lives is the one that is going to be the cause of my death, because I will never again get close enough to let them touch me. They cannot stop my suicide by locking me away because I will never let anyone in enough for them to put me behind those doors again. Fuck the system built on stripping people of all dignity, autonomy, and human decency in the name of "helping" them.

I have been hurt too many times to count in my life by the fucked up world of mental healthcare. I thought this time would be different. Boy was I wrong.

 

[Vorty30]

Was there ever any doubt?

 

[whywere]

My heart broke into millions of pieces reading this, as no one, especially you, should EVER be treated with anything but respect and dignity.

I too had the same experience when I got locked up, one of many times. I especially remember that I HAD to be in bed with my feet off the floor from 10:30pm till 6am or did I catch hell.

You are a soul who cares about not only yourself but others so much and the hospital that you were in should be ashamed of themselves for treating you in any way or form but kindness and humanity.

I always get a sad laugh at how so many times people put on white coats, call themselves "professional" medical people and actually it seems half the time they either are dumber than rocks or worse, could care less, except that it is a power trip for them.

I always want you to know that YOU are family to me and having you here makes this site special knowing that folks like YOU who have big hearts and caring souls are part of a global family that cares about each other.

The heck with the idiots in psychic wards, we ARE the real deal here and I hug and care about you so much.

Walter

 

[willitpass]

Was there ever any doubt?

I made the mistake of starting to have a seed of belief that treatment could possibly not be traumatic after having a relatively positive experience in residential this winter. How foolish of me to almost forget the years of abusive treatment I'd received up go that point and think it wouldn't come back around.

My heart broke into millions of pieces reading this, as no one, especially you, should EVER be treated with anything but respect and dignity.

I too had the same experience when I got locked up, one of many times. I especially remember that I HAD to be in bed with my feet off the floor from 10:30pm till 6am or did I catch hell.

You are a soul who cares about not only yourself but others so much and the hospital that you were in should be ashamed of themselves for treating you in any way or form but kindness and humanity.

I always get a sad laugh at how so many times people put on white coats, call themselves "professional" medical people and actually it seems half the time they either are dumber than rocks or worse, could care less, except that it is a power trip for them.

I always want you to know that YOU are family to me and having you here makes this site special knowing that folks like YOU who have big hearts and caring souls are part of a global family that cares about each other.

The heck with the idiots in psychic wards, we ARE the real deal here and I hug and care about you so much.

Walter

This place really is a much needed respite.

 

[Vorty30]

I made the mistake of starting to have a seed of belief that treatment could possibly not be traumatic after having a relatively positive experience in residential this winter. How foolish of me to almost forget the years of abusive treatment I'd received up go that point and think it wouldn't come back around.

This place really is a much needed respite.

Do not blame yourself for it please! With how society can push us into these things and with how miserable and hopeless existence can be, falling victim to their trap is not that far from my understandings. God! I hope you may move on from it mentally. I still have nightmares from my mental hospital stay experience. :/

 

[NoHorizon]

I'm so sorry you've been treated so monstrously. The mental health "system" is truly awful and it's horrible that these are the people we depend upon when we're at our lowest point in our lives just looking for somebody to help.