soon4good
unfinalized
- Dec 2, 2024
- 85
It's like I live in a state where I simultaneously feel like I've given up and want to end it all, nothing matters, I don't care and then the exact polar opposite. I don't know man, it's really tiring living this way. It's probably just trauma related and general burnout + overdoing the substance abuse and social isolation for years but I don't know. I don't like that I don't know, fucking visiting a doctor takes time, and of course as you may know, literally everything takes time and I usually feel like I'm the only one that attempts to actually be on time or ahead of schedule.
I'm sure many can relate to a feeling of just emptiness, no matter who or what it is I just can't feel any emotion toward anyone or anything.
I feel like I'm just accelerating the self-destruction of myself further and further each passing day and I'm just "enjoying" the ride, laughing at how I managed to have it all end up this way. I think I used to have hope, optimism even happiness but that could just be a fake memory, I can't remember that far back!
I'm just rambling now to try to drown out the feeling of crippling loneliness and hopelessness. I claim to feel nothing, not care but I still get hurt and it's the only sick reminder that I am indeed alive. Sorry for whatever this was I think I need to take some benzos hehe.
I'm sure many can relate to a feeling of just emptiness, no matter who or what it is I just can't feel any emotion toward anyone or anything.
I feel like I'm just accelerating the self-destruction of myself further and further each passing day and I'm just "enjoying" the ride, laughing at how I managed to have it all end up this way. I think I used to have hope, optimism even happiness but that could just be a fake memory, I can't remember that far back!
I'm just rambling now to try to drown out the feeling of crippling loneliness and hopelessness. I claim to feel nothing, not care but I still get hurt and it's the only sick reminder that I am indeed alive. Sorry for whatever this was I think I need to take some benzos hehe.
