Venting No one can truly ever love me

[Upon a hanging Body]

I don't think love was ever meant for me. I've tried, over and over, to let people in and believe their words when they say they care, when they promise they won't leave. But in the end, it's always the same. They grow tired of me, they get overwhelmed, and I'm left alone again. I've reached a point where I don't even believe in "forever" anymore, not for me. Every connection feels temporary, every smile feels borrowed, and every promise feels like a lie waiting to collapse.

I don't blame anyone for leaving... i know I'm not easy to stay with...but it breaks me every time. It's like there's something inside me that drives people away, something I can't fix no matter how hard I try. And it hurts to admit that maybe I was never meant to be loved the way I need. I'm so tired of holding on to hope that only ends up killing me a little more each time. Maybe I was meant to be alone, and maybe that's all there will ever be.

 

[k1m]

You will grow, other people will grow. I have a friend who always felt like this (he was diagnosed with BPD). He's still working through it with his partner. Maybe you will find someone soon, maybe you won't, but you will get better at this and have more fulfilling relationships with ppl. It's not about finding someone else who can fix you, it's about being happy enough with yourself that some of that happiness leaks out to other people. It's definitely doable.

 

[Upon a hanging Body]

You will grow, other people will grow. I have a friend who always felt like this (he was diagnosed with BPD). He's still working through it with his partner. Maybe you will find someone soon, maybe you won't, but you will get better at this and have more fulfilling relationships with ppl. It's not about finding someone else who can fix you, it's about being happy enough with yourself that some of that happiness leaks out to other people. It's definitely doable.

I have bpd too. And I also have a bunch of other things wrong with me... my si is so intense that it pushes people away ... or they think I'm manipulative... I just want to die ... I don't want life .

 

[Dejected 55]

Nobody ever lets me in... I don't know if I can be loved or not. I only know that I never have been loved. I love... but nobody wants my love.

 

[k1m]

Nobody ever lets me in... I don't know if I can be loved or not. I only know that I never have been loved. I love... but nobody wants my love.

You may want to look into codependency. You are obviously lovable, but there are some patterns that lead to getting trampled on and traumatized over and over again. Part of over-giving is that it's hard to see what you're doing wrong, and it gets worse the harder you try, so you feel like you're innately undesirable.

 

[Dejected 55]

You may want to look into codependency. You are obviously lovable, but there are some patterns that lead to getting trampled on and traumatized over and over again. Part of over-giving is that it's hard to see what you're doing wrong, and it gets worse the harder you try, so you feel like you're innately undesirable.

It's impossible to be co-dependent without a partner. Since I've never had a relationship, that's not a problem.

And if everything is just my fault because I give too much... I don't even know what that means... Nobody seems to get rejected anymore for being too mean. Someone who is too mean gets all kinds of chances and people jumping to take care of them and "heal" them or whatever... but if you're "too nice" you're someone to be ran from and shunned. The whole damn world is just backwards.

 

[k1m]

I have bpd too. And I also have a bunch of other things wrong with me... my si is so intense that it pushes people away ... or they think I'm manipulative... I just want to die ... I don't want life .

Yk, it is manipulative. Lots of mh conditions make you manipulative, just like they can make you mean or boring or stuff. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or your feelings aren't real. It's something that gets better when you work on it and develop deeper relationships. My friend w BPD is doing so much better since he started therapy and gave up on some toxic friendships.

It's impossible to be co-dependent without a partner. Since I've never had a relationship, that's not a problem.

And if everything is just my fault because I give too much... I don't even know what that means... Nobody seems to get rejected anymore for being too mean. Someone who is too mean gets all kinds of chances and people jumping to take care of them and "heal" them or whatever... but if you're "too nice" you're someone to be ran from and shunned. The whole damn world is just backwards.

Not in my experience. Among my friends the really nice ones are the ones everyone loves, incl. romantically. I have literally rejected ppl for being too mean, and loved people for being really kind. The point is they aren't just nice to get with someone, they're nice to everyone and don't feel like they're owed something.

 

[Dejected 55]

Not in my experience. Among my friends the really nice ones are the ones everyone loves, incl. romantically. I have literally rejected ppl for being too mean, and loved people for being really kind. The point is they aren't just nice to get with someone, they're nice to everyone and don't feel like they're owed something.

Nobody owes me anything. I am who I am because that is who I am. It just happens that being who I am doesn't seem to be someone anyone is ever interested in being around. It is what it is. I'm not saying anyone owes me anything. I'm just stating the truth that nobody ever is interested in me, and there's not much of anything apparently I can do about that... so I either have to keep being miserable about it or die... and I'm tired of being miserable.

 

[Upon a hanging Body]

Yk, it is manipulative. Lots of mh conditions make you manipulative, just like they can make you mean or boring or stuff. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or your feelings aren't real. It's something that gets better when you work on it and develop deeper relationships. My friend w BPD is doing so much better since he started therapy and gave up on some toxic friendships.

Not in my experience. Among my friends the really nice ones are the ones everyone loves, incl. romantically. I have literally rejected ppl for being too mean, and loved people for being really kind. The point is they aren't just nice to get with someone, they're nice to everyone and don't feel like they're owed something.

It's funny how people can casually label BPD as 'manipulative' without understanding what it actually means to live with it. My feelings, my fears, my reactions aren't some game I'm playing...they're a response to intense emotions I can barely control. Calling it manipulation reduces a complex mental health condition to a stereotype and ignores the work people with BPD do every day to manage it and maintain relationships. So yes, my behavior isn't always perfect...but it's real, it's human, and it's nothing like the cheap, judgmental word you just threw out.

 

[littleearthquakes]

There are some messed up comments on this post. Not ok for people to say you're manipulative. I've been accused of that for expressing needs and having emotions and mental and chronic illnesses. I do what I can but I'm struggling and a lot of that isn't my fault or yours. I've tried to get help my whole life and it's hard to even find good help or support.

Most people want connections that are easy and superficial and they're avoidant of conflict or reality. I get rejected for not being able to sustain or engage in that. Anyway just wanted to say I relate.

 

[9137890]

I don't think love was ever meant for me. I've tried, over and over, to let people in and believe their words when they say they care, when they promise they won't leave. But in the end, it's always the same. They grow tired of me, they get overwhelmed, and I'm left alone again. I've reached a point where I don't even believe in "forever" anymore, not for me. Every connection feels temporary, every smile feels borrowed, and every promise feels like a lie waiting to collapse.

I don't blame anyone for leaving... i know I'm not easy to stay with...but it breaks me every time. It's like there's something inside me that drives people away, something I can't fix no matter how hard I try. And it hurts to admit that maybe I was never meant to be loved the way I need. I'm so tired of holding on to hope that only ends up killing me a little more each time. Maybe I was meant to be alone, and maybe that's all there will ever be.

I make you a prophecy that you will never find what u seek for. The problem is that you are seeking for something which is not existent. How will you find something which does not exists? Then you are blaming yourself for what is actually not your fault it is the fault of our realm of being.

The truth is nobody has a perfect love relationship which persists. Our world is an always changing nightmare. What today rules the world will tomorrow be different for all kinds things. Does not matter if its love, hatred, friendship, war, peace or whatever.

Love is just a biochemical mechanism to secure our descendant. I has never been made to make someone happy.

It's funny how people can casually label BPD as 'manipulative' without understanding what it actually means to live with it. My feelings, my fears, my reactions aren't some game I'm playing...they're a response to intense emotions I can barely control. Calling it manipulation reduces a complex mental health condition to a stereotype and ignores the work people with BPD do every day to manage it and maintain relationships. So yes, my behavior isn't always perfect...but it's real, it's human, and it's nothing like the cheap, judgmental word you just threw out.

Yes but you are saying things in the way to influence other people. A little manipulative all we are even fucking dogs and cats. He did not write that BPD is some psychopathic manipulator but it has some traits which you could define as manipulative. This is not bad per se. (And I don't know a shit what BPD is so sorry for this)