Venting no one and nothing will ever care

[godforbidpain]

i only have one person who genuienly cares about me, but i've never been able to meet them irl. we live so far away. why stay in this life for them? they can move on, continue having a life without me. my family is broken. they've never known anything personal about me. if they found out anything about me they'd be even more disappointed than they already are. i don't really think i have any close friends anymore. my phone broke. i've broken so many things my entire life, i just want to saw my hands off. i hate being told "things get better". no they don't, not for everyone at least. my problems aren't just inside my fucking head and im so tired of being treated like a crazy person, dismissed and not listened to, pumped full of medications and stuck going to useless therapy. i suffer BECAUSE of all the shit in my life.
i don't even feel like i can attempt. i live in a shitty tiny apartment in a building with other people on all sides of my walls. i can't fucking escape, anywhere. i've never had any privacy. i just want to stop existing. i'm so angry. i want everything to stop. venting doesn't even help. nothing is even gonna change if i die. i never made any difference by existing in the first place. i hate this. i deserve to die young. as soon as possible.

 

[nails]

i relate to nearly everything you mentioned, i honestly got really sad while reading this because i resonated with it so heavily. i understand how trapped and exhausted you feel, no words will change anything or make it better. still, i hope you can somehow find some peace.

 

[lastsunset]

i only have one person who genuienly cares about me, but i've never been able to meet them irl. we live so far away. why stay in this life for them? they can move on, continue having a life without me. my family is broken. they've never known anything personal about me. if they found out anything about me they'd be even more disappointed than they already are. i don't really think i have any close friends anymore. my phone broke. i've broken so many things my entire life, i just want to saw my hands off. i hate being told "things get better". no they don't, not for everyone at least. my problems aren't just inside my fucking head and im so tired of being treated like a crazy person, dismissed and not listened to, pumped full of medications and stuck going to useless therapy. i suffer BECAUSE of all the shit in my life.
i don't even feel like i can attempt. i live in a shitty tiny apartment in a building with other people on all sides of my walls. i can't fucking escape, anywhere. i've never had any privacy. i just want to stop existing. i'm so angry. i want everything to stop. venting doesn't even help. nothing is even gonna change if i die. i never made any difference by existing in the first place. i hate this. i deserve to die young. as soon as possible.

I hear you. Im sorry that that friend lives so far away.
I relate alot with your living situation. I constantly hear my roommates and it's driving me crazy especially since ive been isolating myself again. The walls are so thin that i constantly hear my roommates boyfriend loud low voice and they keep slamming their door. It should be illegal to make walls out of plasterboard. It wakes me up whenever they slam the door, so i dont have control over when i can peacefully sleep and rest. Today I finally could fall asleep at 6am and woke up at 9am to their arguing. They also are able to hear almost everything I do so I cant even cry in peace.

I swear humans were not supposed to be stacked in concrete cubes like this.