New Year's is a difficult time for me

[Crematoryy]

The end of the year brings with it crises of existential emptiness, because I feel the cycle of pain is starting again; I feel there is no progress, only tortuous repetition. I have existed for 23 years, half of that time has been filled with loneliness. I won't have a girlfriend to spend New Year's Eve with. Basically, I deserve to be alone because the world decided it should be so.

 

[HangMan123]

It is notorious for that!
I think that your pain has skewed your perspective. You don't "deserve to be alone," and your current state of loneliness isn't "decided." You are just suffering and haven't found the right person yet. I too am lonely and have feelings like this, so I know how painful they can be. I hope you are okay!

 

[Dejected 55]

I don't think hardly anyone "deserves" to be alone... but I think some of us are doomed to be alone. We might not even ever understand why we fail... but at some point, fail enough, and you start to realize that it just is what it is... and no matter how much you want a thing, doesn't effect whether you can have it or not.

 

[LastNite]

I don't think hardly anyone "deserves" to be alone... but I think some of us are doomed to be alone. We might not even ever understand why we fail... but at some point, fail enough, and you start to realize that it just is what it is... and no matter how much you want a thing, doesn't effect whether you can have it or not.

True. Well said btw.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I hate New Year's too. I just can't get excited about it. Totally arbitrary. What's there to celebrate? I just do-not-understand-at-all. I hate parties. When I was young it was admittedly because I never got invited and didn't fit in. Now I'm old and don't care and think it's all stupid anyway. I wanted someone to be with too. No one would have me. Somehow I got married and my wife thoroughly hates every last bit of me. I go to bed early on New Year's and ignore it. It's easier for me to fall asleep because I'm always exhausted. Pain and loneliness are not bad companions... they are honest and consistent.

 

[woodlandcreature]

I don't think hardly anyone "deserves" to be alone... but I think some of us are doomed to be alone. We might not even ever understand why we fail... but at some point, fail enough, and you start to realize that it just is what it is... and no matter how much you want a thing, doesn't effect whether you can have it or not.

this truly.
always been alone always will be. i should just die now.