Hi,
I've been deeply unwell for about 6 months and have considered various methods. I've tried a helium bag, couldn't get it to work. I've tried hanging, but can't see to get the right angle no matter how hard I try (I just can't seem to apply enough pressure on my arteries because I never pass out even when I hold them with my fingers. At most I lose vision for a second but then I'm fine even though the amount of pressure hasn't changed). I can't purchase a gun due to hospitalizations, I have no clue where to get SN, and something I ordered off the internet may not get here. I know for a fact I do not want to continue and will CTB at some point. The only reliable option I feel like I have is to jump from Royal Gorge Bridge, but I'd have to do it in front of a bunch of people because it closes around 6PM and I think they would see my car abandoned in the parking lot and start looking for me long before I could do it in the middle of the night (I considered hiding in a bathroom for a few hours but I don't know if that would work) not to mention the sheer amount of SI I would feel before jumping. I just... don't know what to do. Any advice for overcoming any of these challenges with these methods will be appreciated. I'm so sick and tired of waking up, feeling like shit, dozens of coping mechanisms not working, having my head hurt all day (which is new), hanging out with people and barely feeling a thing, being so depressed that I can't hold down a job or go to school, have medications and therapy consistently fail for two decades, and then going to bed knowing I'll CTB eventually
I've been deeply unwell for about 6 months and have considered various methods. I've tried a helium bag, couldn't get it to work. I've tried hanging, but can't see to get the right angle no matter how hard I try (I just can't seem to apply enough pressure on my arteries because I never pass out even when I hold them with my fingers. At most I lose vision for a second but then I'm fine even though the amount of pressure hasn't changed). I can't purchase a gun due to hospitalizations, I have no clue where to get SN, and something I ordered off the internet may not get here. I know for a fact I do not want to continue and will CTB at some point. The only reliable option I feel like I have is to jump from Royal Gorge Bridge, but I'd have to do it in front of a bunch of people because it closes around 6PM and I think they would see my car abandoned in the parking lot and start looking for me long before I could do it in the middle of the night (I considered hiding in a bathroom for a few hours but I don't know if that would work) not to mention the sheer amount of SI I would feel before jumping. I just... don't know what to do. Any advice for overcoming any of these challenges with these methods will be appreciated. I'm so sick and tired of waking up, feeling like shit, dozens of coping mechanisms not working, having my head hurt all day (which is new), hanging out with people and barely feeling a thing, being so depressed that I can't hold down a job or go to school, have medications and therapy consistently fail for two decades, and then going to bed knowing I'll CTB eventually
