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L

luten

work, love, and learn
Feb 25, 2021
507
Tried out my method, N2, with a Click flow regulator, and non-rebreather mask. The first three attempts were just over one minute each, caused a bit of dizziness, but nothing convincing enough.

I then tried a fourth time on 25 LPM, and I could feel my head go numb at around 1,2 minutes. The heavy mental numbness surely did make me think of being brain dead ! It was an uneasy feeling indeed, not in an elated sedative way. I was able to get up without hesitation. Some people inhale helium from a balloon, and then faint immediately for a few seconds, or become disoriented, this was nothing like that at all.

I expected it to be different; I thought dizziness would occur much sooner, and much more severely. I also did not expect that the flow would be so loud at 25 LPM, it was quite loud. I did not feel any other effects except for the mental numbness, maybe some mild vision issues for a while after the experiment. I also did not feel peace of mind that this method would actually work, which is important to me, nor did I feel anxious, the effects of SI were absent, I did not feel anything.


I think this brings me to the end of a year long N2 journey, as I am not willing to go over 1,5 minutes (which probably could've worked), not without getting the effects that I looked for, more particularly, physical disorientation. The "heaviness" on the brain , loud flow, delayed onset of disorientation, and confusion made me decide that this method is not for me, disappointed, but hey, now I know. If it worked, I would've proceeded, today. Actually, I would've been dead by now.




What can we learn from this? Sometimes a method sounds like the ideal way to go, you spent lots of time and money on it, and then when the time comes, you test it yourself, and it may not be what you expected it to be, it may not reassure you that it would definitely work, it may not give you peace of mind.


I will probably hop on a plane in the next day or two, go somewhere where I could make another plan, I do not know what to do really. I feel so trapped. I hope that no one would find them in a situation like this, but in reality, it happens.
 
Last edited:
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
44,434
Of course suicide is very difficult after all and methods can fail. It is awful feeling as if you are trapped, I'm sorry you have been through all this. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.
 
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