Hello everyone,
I am writing this post to share and express my current feelings. Recently my anxiety subsided, I've gained a lot of confidence and I don't use physical ticks to keep me on track. I am a citizen with a disability (2nd class, 60%). I also suffer from schizophrenia, Major Depressive Disorder, morning anxiety, social anxiety, phantom physical pain. Recently like 3 months ago I started working as a barista, socialization, work and just plain talking made me stressed to the point i was having a panic attack and it would trigger my delusions. I am still talking benzodiapines when I need. I am able to fully cry and express basic emotions. 12 days ago i started yawning again and it felt and feels amazing, today was the first day at I actually stretched in the morning. I started to support my mother that managed to get me out of poverty. I started to believe that we human beings are the perfect beings with soul. Just because we are so perfect, we tend to chase something immoral or just fast high and by doing this we are damaging our brains, poisoning it. Speaking in computer terms, i felt my brain was just reset into factory settings again. I went to my last living place and I untied my rope and just threw away out of anger and i mourned my passed relatives. I also picked up some really useful and interesting stuff from my last home. I am not openly religious, I just believe there is more that flesh and bones. I am not planning go to church or going zealous about it. I just follow the morals of religious teachings, the right ones and not extreme ones. I feel those are basic rules for everyone. I have been having this depression for 5 years. I am still on Antipsychotic medication and never planning to stop it. I am taking SSRI antidepressants for 6 months now. I started eating tasty and filling foood, lay around in bed. I also started feeling much more energetic so I started lifting weights casually and going fo ra short jog with my dog. I started really care about my close family, but it will be hard to start doing it again and be accepted as a healthy person. Music feel meaningful again, my imagination bloomed again.
I am writing this post to share and express my current feelings. Recently my anxiety subsided, I've gained a lot of confidence and I don't use physical ticks to keep me on track. I am a citizen with a disability (2nd class, 60%). I also suffer from schizophrenia, Major Depressive Disorder, morning anxiety, social anxiety, phantom physical pain. Recently like 3 months ago I started working as a barista, socialization, work and just plain talking made me stressed to the point i was having a panic attack and it would trigger my delusions. I am still talking benzodiapines when I need. I am able to fully cry and express basic emotions. 12 days ago i started yawning again and it felt and feels amazing, today was the first day at I actually stretched in the morning. I started to support my mother that managed to get me out of poverty. I started to believe that we human beings are the perfect beings with soul. Just because we are so perfect, we tend to chase something immoral or just fast high and by doing this we are damaging our brains, poisoning it. Speaking in computer terms, i felt my brain was just reset into factory settings again. I went to my last living place and I untied my rope and just threw away out of anger and i mourned my passed relatives. I also picked up some really useful and interesting stuff from my last home. I am not openly religious, I just believe there is more that flesh and bones. I am not planning go to church or going zealous about it. I just follow the morals of religious teachings, the right ones and not extreme ones. I feel those are basic rules for everyone. I have been having this depression for 5 years. I am still on Antipsychotic medication and never planning to stop it. I am taking SSRI antidepressants for 6 months now. I started eating tasty and filling foood, lay around in bed. I also started feeling much more energetic so I started lifting weights casually and going fo ra short jog with my dog. I started really care about my close family, but it will be hard to start doing it again and be accepted as a healthy person. Music feel meaningful again, my imagination bloomed again.
