EmpressDean
Arcanist
- Apr 15, 2020
- 465
So I guess everyone has a reason to get out. Mine started at 14. I realized I wasn't doing anything and I was pretty low compared to the people around me. I could t form relationships really and he only ones I did I realized how easy it was for them to leave me. I have this condition called maladaptive daydreaming. Look it up. I don't know or remember why my mind needed to cope this way, but now at 24, I've been depressed everyday for 10 years. I haven't been able to do good in school, I can barely learn new things like cooking or basic life skills it's pathetic. I feel so lethargic and I sometimes wonder if I'm just lazy and that's why I can't do anything. I can't finish a goal or work hard at anything, and the few attempts I've tried to work hard it seems so mediocre. I wasn't abused or anything I just suck as a person I'm just not smart and I'm not good at social interactions I wonder what I'm good for. If anything I was raised in a good environment aside from my sister who I think is crazy but at least she has the will to accomplish things and I can't. I have no will. I just give up in everything I do. My biggest stressor now is I haven't finished college and I tried 3 times and I know I'm not smart to do it...but I can't be independent without a good job. I'm a girl btw. I'm afraid of marriage and I can barely make new friends I feel like an alien. I guess I'm just pathetic and I suck at everything. That's why I want to go. I'm trying to make a plan for myself to go to dental assistant school next fall once I save money. Ya my last hope and I wonder if I can even do that. I can't go, because it will devistate my parents, they don't deserve it. But I'm not a good daughter, sister, friend or aunt I'm just nothing.
