Venting My plan to reduce the emotional damage to my loved ones after my CTB.

[amor.dor]

I spent a long time reflecting on how to minimize the suffering of those close to me after my death. I make it clear that these are reflections for those who can handle loneliness for longer—but even so, I found myself confronted with the situation and pondered it. I share my experience, which was this:

In a direct way:

1-Gradually reduce contact: This takes many months and depends a lot on the level of closeness. If they are very close people, they will notice the subtle change.

2-Create a certain antipathy: It may sound strange, but we tend to distance ourselves from what causes friction. Making comments deliberately contrary to the beliefs or values of your loved ones—almost like a "devil's advocate" of your own ideas—helps build emotional distance.For example, by talking about politics in a very polemical, boring, and contrary way to your loved ones' views.

3-Create ghost commitments: Saying you are extremely busy with work, a personal project, or the pursuit of overall financial improvement usually generates understanding and is an effective tool for creating space.

4-Create physical distance, if possible: Moving neighborhoods or cities makes visits rarer. Gradually, this physical distance fragments the frequency and intensity of the bond.

In the end, time is the most important variable. It is what transforms vivid memories into distant recollections. That's why patience is fundamental.
Remember: this is not something done overnight. Distancing is a gradual process. Imagine tuning a guitar: if you tighten the strings too quickly, they snap. If you tighten them little by little, carefully, the instrument tunes without issue.
In my case, I have been in another city for over a year. I reduced contact with my family from three times a week to once, and then to gaps of weeks. When I reply, I say I'm busy. This distance seems to have worked. I lied, saying I was going to another country, but the truth is that I plan to commit suicide. It seems I have reached a point where the detachment is "ready."



"How easily the stone falls from the hand onto the grave of the suicide, but how difficult was the struggle of the poor person who had made such a good bed for himself.
First he cast a fearful glance at death from a distance and turned away in horror; then, trembling, he walked around him in wide circles; but with every day they became narrower and narrower and at last he wrapped his tired arms around Death's neck and looked into his eyes: and there was peace, sweet peace."
-Mainlander

 

[etherealgoddess]

I spent a long time reflecting on how to minimize the suffering of those close to me after my death. I make it clear that these are reflections for those who can handle loneliness for longer—but even so, I found myself confronted with the situation and pondered it. I share my experience, which was this:

In a direct way:

1-Gradually reduce contact: This takes many months and depends a lot on the level of closeness. If they are very close people, they will notice the subtle change.

2-Create a certain antipathy: It may sound strange, but we tend to distance ourselves from what causes friction. Making comments deliberately contrary to the beliefs or values of your loved ones—almost like a "devil's advocate" of your own ideas—helps build emotional distance.For example, by talking about politics in a very polemical, boring, and contrary way to your loved ones' views.

3-Create ghost commitments: Saying you are extremely busy with work, a personal project, or the pursuit of overall financial improvement usually generates understanding and is an effective tool for creating space.

4-Create physical distance, if possible: Moving neighborhoods or cities makes visits rarer. Gradually, this physical distance fragments the frequency and intensity of the bond.

In the end, time is the most important variable. It is what transforms vivid memories into distant recollections. That's why patience is fundamental.
Remember: this is not something done overnight. Distancing is a gradual process. Imagine tuning a guitar: if you tighten the strings too quickly, they snap. If you tighten them little by little, carefully, the instrument tunes without issue.
In my case, I have been in another city for over a year. I reduced contact with my family from three times a week to once, and then to gaps of weeks. When I reply, I say I'm busy. This distance seems to have worked. I lied, saying I was going to another country, but the truth is that I plan to commit suicide. It seems I have reached a point where the detachment is "ready."



"How easily the stone falls from the hand onto the grave of the suicide, but how difficult was the struggle of the poor person who had made such a good bed for himself.
First he cast a fearful glance at death from a distance and turned away in horror; then, trembling, he walked around him in wide circles; but with every day they became narrower and narrower and at last he wrapped his tired arms around Death's neck and looked into his eyes: and there was peace, sweet peace."
-Mainlander

Honestly, family will be devastated no matter what you do.

 

[preachyflockk]

I also spent a long time looking for the same thing, but I didn't have what it takes to further distance the people left. It sucks that they'll be devastated but I'm incapable of anything more

 

[Sphinxi]

However, they will see your distance as a sign that they ignored, and they will think of every interaction during the period of you increasing the distance with the morbid knowledge that for this entire time you have been suicidal. In addition, they might see your callousness towards them as a mask for your hatred of living. No matter what, your family will be crushed, and they will likely see through any attempt to manufacture a better outcome.
Still though, this is a good list. I feel bad for people that have family who would care. It sounds like a headache.

 

[quietbird]

I spent a long time reflecting on how to minimize the suffering of those close to me after my death. I make it clear that these are reflections for those who can handle loneliness for longer—but even so, I found myself confronted with the situation and pondered it. I share my experience, which was this:

In a direct way:

1-Gradually reduce contact: This takes many months and depends a lot on the level of closeness. If they are very close people, they will notice the subtle change.

2-Create a certain antipathy: It may sound strange, but we tend to distance ourselves from what causes friction. Making comments deliberately contrary to the beliefs or values of your loved ones—almost like a "devil's advocate" of your own ideas—helps build emotional distance.For example, by talking about politics in a very polemical, boring, and contrary way to your loved ones' views.

3-Create ghost commitments: Saying you are extremely busy with work, a personal project, or the pursuit of overall financial improvement usually generates understanding and is an effective tool for creating space.

4-Create physical distance, if possible: Moving neighborhoods or cities makes visits rarer. Gradually, this physical distance fragments the frequency and intensity of the bond.

In the end, time is the most important variable. It is what transforms vivid memories into distant recollections. That's why patience is fundamental.
Remember: this is not something done overnight. Distancing is a gradual process. Imagine tuning a guitar: if you tighten the strings too quickly, they snap. If you tighten them little by little, carefully, the instrument tunes without issue.
In my case, I have been in another city for over a year. I reduced contact with my family from three times a week to once, and then to gaps of weeks. When I reply, I say I'm busy. This distance seems to have worked. I lied, saying I was going to another country, but the truth is that I plan to commit suicide. It seems I have reached a point where the detachment is "ready."



"How easily the stone falls from the hand onto the grave of the suicide, but how difficult was the struggle of the poor person who had made such a good bed for himself.
First he cast a fearful glance at death from a distance and turned away in horror; then, trembling, he walked around him in wide circles; but with every day they became narrower and narrower and at last he wrapped his tired arms around Death's neck and looked into his eyes: and there was peace, sweet peace."
-Mainlander

May I present a different thought? If this happened and someone had done these things and then killed themselves...I would forever beat myself up for not seeing the signs and doing something. (That's a common refrain that people say in the wake of someone's suicide.) I would blame myself for not trying harder. It would be very painful to live with.

 

[amor.dor]

In addition, they might see your callousness towards them as a mask for your hatred of living.

sorry, I didn't understand very well, could you explain?

 

[Sphinxi]

sorry, I didn't understand very well, could you explain?

Point two is what I was referring to, sorry. If you pick fights with them, and then later commit suicide, they will see this as a warning sign that they ignored, and will be upset at themselves for feeling negatively towards you for it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've done quite a few of those things unintentionally- it's just how the cookie has crumbled as it were, what with moving for jobs, them moving too. Lives being busy. I'm hoping it will help when the time comes.

The weird thing is when friends do get in touch. There's this dance of still being friendly, whilst leaving it so that the contact will drift once again.

It's weird sometimes though. Not that I'm a massive believer in kismet/ fate but sometimes, I feel like I'm more and more perfectly placed to suicide. I was even prescribed Meto once although- it's very out of date now.

 

[devils~advocate]

I sympathize with this approach. It does make it easier I suppose for oneself.
Im not so sure what or how the people one is trying to distance themselves from might think about it though.
It seems like it would take a lot of time to do this. If one feels it saves or lessens the pain to others, then that shows that you care about them.

I can't do this in my situation or life though.
Distancing myself so I can lessen the pain of others, would just be too much for me.
I have to be around everyone as much as possible. I want those I really care about, to remember me....but not for them to feel any pain.
I have prepared audio recordings, writings and photos for those that I love and care for....care for more than myself.
My family deserves a better person than myself. Ive let them down and failed them.

There are also those that I want to remember me....but with a sense of pain or guilt. And I will tell them this in writing and audio as well.
Those that hurt me and betrayed me...in ways that few would never forgive.

 

[Zura]

i think this is just gonna backfire they will get mad at themselves and wont forgive themselves for distancing themselves from you they will wish they were kinder to you and treated you better and talked to you more and stuff
i think the best way would be letting them know in a note that this is what we want and we are finally at peace even better than note i think maybe recording a video and letting them discover it and just telling them that we are finally at peace tho family will obviously and understandably will always be effected by it no matter what

 

[Cain.Wong]

I totally understand your point, I feel the same way, or at least having the "same issue".

While reading threads, I noticed that they aren't really meant for a family member or loved one; rather, they seem to be for us, as a way to find an excuse to let it go.

 

[amor.dor]

I totally understand your point, I feel the same way, or at least having the "same issue".

While reading threads, I noticed that they aren't really meant for a family member or loved one; rather, they seem to be for us, as a way to find an excuse to let it go.

why? I didn't understand very well